FINANCIAL SERVICES!
Have you noticed the amount of advertising there is
by Banks and Building Society's these days?
The adverts are every where! T.V., Radio, NewsPapers
and Billboards! They are all competing for our money.
Now when was the last time you saw a Bank empty?
I know that whenever I go in, I have to stand in a
line and wait about 20 Minutes to get served!
Why! Are they that busy? NO! Its because there isn't
Enough Tellers to serve you!
Now Look! I'm not a mathematical genius, But even I
Know that if, You buy 6 lorries,You will need 6
Drivers+1 to cover for Holiday's and sickness!
So if I can work that out, How come the manager of
a Bank, Can't see he has 8 Tills and only 2 Tellers?
I mean for Christ Sake! I trust this guy with my
Money, And he can't bloody count!
Another thing about Banks, Are they are all trying
to get you to accept their Plastic Cards!
"Have you got Access or Visa?" --- " NO" --- "OH!"
GOD! they make you feel as if you are incomplete!
Everyone has one now a days! So you ask " Why do I needone?
OH! Say you go into a shop....
and see something you would really like,
And it is reduced to £20, And you only have £5,
Then you have missed a Bargain!
However!
If you have our Credit card, You can use that to buy the
Product, And all the stores accept it!"
"HAY! THAT WONDERFUL! AYE, GEEZE TWO!" And you fill in
the forms, Two weeks later you have your brand new card!
Now these things are wonderful! You walk into a shop and
wave this bit of plastic around and shout "VISA" and the
Shopkeeper is falling over himself to give you everything
you want! BLOODY BRILLIANT!
Four weeks later, The Brown envelope comes through the
Door!--- That nice helpful, And Cheerful man in the Bank
has turned into Attila the Hun! Suddenly! He wants all
his money back! FAILING THAT its COURT CASES, PRISON,
THEY WILL TAKE YOUR HOUSE, YOUR CAR, YOUR KIDS, They want
To TAR and FEATHER YOU and CHUCK YOU IN THE NEAREST SEWER!
Why in the hell did they give you a card in the first place?
I mean the Idea of these things is so you can spend money
You don't have! And when you do, They persecute you for
doing it!
GOD LIFE IS COMPLICATED
Now its something the same with Insurance! " Have you got Life Insurance?"
"NO! Why do I need it?"
Well it turns out that if you die, and you have Life Insurance,
Your Family are Financially sound, and can continue to have
a happy life! SORRY! When I die,I don't want
Anyone to be HAPPY, or SOUND! I expect TEARS and SADNESS
I got a Brilliant thing through the door last week!
ACCIDENTAL DEATH INSURANCE!---- If you die by Accident
your family gets £20000, And at a low cost of only £2 a month!
Now wait a minute here! I CAN ASSURE YOU! I HAVE NO
INTENTION OF DYEING! AND IF I DO, IT WILL BE AN ACCIDENT!
I mean what if I get up on Wednesday, And drop DEAD
With a heart attack? WILL they PAY UP? ---NO! But if
I didn't mean to take a heart attack, Then surely its
an Accident!----STILL NO JOY!
So ANN has to pick up my body, Carry it 800 Yards and
chuck it under a BUS ! Now Will they Pay up?
It was Accidental, He was run over by a BUS,
SORRY! the post Mortem shows he died from a heart attack!
SO WOULD YOU IF YOU SAW A DOUBLE DECKER BUS COMING STRAIGHT AT YOU!
However still no money! You have to do something really
Stupid to qualify! Like getting hit on the back of the
head with a Mortar Bomb! SORRY! Your not covered in the Event of a WAR,
AH JESUS CHRIST! I give up!