So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. After all they sell it on the streets and it's advertised in the press and on television, so it can't be that bad. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. No effort at all, the nice man who brought it in did the works for me, man what a fix, he made it look so easy. "You only pay for the system we give you everything else for free". He said with a smile. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. I felt the rush straight away, wow all those colours, heaven I thought as I got to work surfing the Web, printing pictures, writing letters. That evening I leave work happy. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. Hm seems a little slower today, can't think why, must be me, log on to the Microsoft Web Page, aha, need to update my software, download and install, that should solve it. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. Boot up OK, no wait an error message, what's this ????? "Mouse Driver not found, press Left Mouse Button to continue" HUH !!! I'll reboot. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. Boot up OK, ARGGHH............. another error message "Keyboard not found, push F3 to continue" sigh.................... reboot. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. Error messages all the time, can't understand why, haven't produced any work in hours, starting to get anxious, sweating a bit, hm head aches as well. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. Call the Microsoft help line, "you are in a queuing system, please wait and you will be attended to shortly", I wait 40 minutes listening to some awful music, my boss comes in, "hey I'm waiting for an important call" he says, I put the phone down, the call never comes, another job opportunity missed I guess, sigh !!!. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. I don't feel well at all, my boss is not happy, must do something, Call the Microsoft help line again, "you are in a queuing system, please wait and you will be attended to shortly", I wait 40 minutes listening to some awful music and then have to rush outside to be sick, I go home and go to bed. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. I'm covered in sweat, my hands are shaking, my head throbs, " Oh please God work today" I mutter in prayer, YES !! full boot up, now to catch up on yesterday, feel much better, oh oh ! that's strange, the printer wont work, error message " Printer Driver not found or corrupt, please download and print latest help file, I'm sweating again and there is a throbbing pain behind my eyes. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. Call the Microsoft help line, "you are in a queuing system, please wait and you will be attended to shortly", put down the phone very gently, my head pounds, I glare at the useless machine in front of me in anger and frustration, wait a minute the guarantee, I'll call out the engineer. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. Call the Microsoft help line, "you are in a queuing system, please wait and you will be attended to short..", SLAM !!! down the phone and start weeping. So I do a little Microsoft, I can handle it. That's it into the bosses office, straight in without knocking, it's quiet, too quiet, he's slumped back in his chair, the handle of a letter opener jutting out of his chest, he's quite dead, suicide !!!, he's killed himself. Even though I feel numb I notice the message on his monitor screen. "From Microsoft HQ, A covert scan of your hard disk revealed an E-Mail to Amiga Inc requesting information about their computers, Mr Gates will be arriving in person to de-brief you on your error in one hour"
Michael Domoney