\Q\You are behind the counter at the government employment service. 
A client walks in and comes to the counter. Do you:
\A\Smile and say "Can I help you?"
\A\Call one of the other staff members while you disappear out the 
back.
\A\Continue talking to another staff member until the client leaves.
\A\Make a cup of coffee.
\N\Completely unacceptable! The public serves you, not the other 
way around. You end up in a little dusty cubicle, chained to 
your "IN" tray.
\Y\Excellent manoeuvre! The way you delegate authority shows that 
you are not new to this game.
\N\This ploy usually works, but not today! The client has been out 
of a job for 2 years and your inattention to his problem is the 
last straw. He pulls out a gun and sprays the office with hot lead, 
blood and guts (Yours).
\Y\Not bad, but you could do better. Coffee making is an 
unimaginative stalling tactic. You are under probation! Beware.
 
\Q\A client telephones you with the complaint that you cut off his 
benefits and he and his family are on the street and living on 
charity. Do you:
\A\Put on your humble and apologetic face and say "I'm sorry but 
there's nothing we can do"
\A\Do some talking within the department and sort out this problem 
yourself.
\A\Send him on a daisy chain of telephone extensions within the 
department until the client is so frustrated that he hangs up.
\A\Tell him to hold, then go and make a cup of coffee.
\N\This sort of comment puts you in danger of your life! The 
department doesn't like blood in their front offices so you are 
moved to the "Out of Date Records" department. Bye bye promotion.
\N\The dirtiest word in the Public Service is "initiative". Your 
collegues are scared by your efficiency and set you up on a sexual 
harassment charge. You are out!
\Y\Excellent buck-passing! You are learning this business well.....
\Y\Be warned! These stalling tactics can't go on forever. We'll let 
it pass this time but you are in breach of your probationary 
period. You'll have to pay for the coffee you drink, just as a 
reminder.
 
\Q\One of your collegues (who is skilled in this game) sends you a 
client who is threatening to break heads. Do you:
\A\Give him the cold stare and say "Paragraph 7 of the public 
service code states that persons exhibiting unacceptable 
behaviour will be directed to paragraph 8 where it states...."
\A\Try out your Karate
\A\Cower behind your desk and hope that he thinks the office is empty
\A\Make a cup of coffee
\A\Make him a cup of coffee
\Y\Good move! The client is blinded by publicservicese and has to 
be led, glassy-eyed into the back of an ambulance. Congratulations! 
You move out of your glass walled office and into private offices 
with your own secretary.
\N\You kick him in the head and cause brain death instantly. Such 
gross tactics are bound to fail. You end up with life imprisonment 
and no promotion chances. 
\N\A public servant NEVER cowers! You are transferred to "File 
Shredding"
\Y\Such apathy in the face of danger is stupid! You are rewarded 
with a private office and a private secretary...but you only just 
scraped in...you'll be in danger of your position unless you show 
more skill.
\N\You are guilty of giving away government property for private 
gain. You don't require punishment because the client breaks the 
cup and slashes your jugular with a jagged edge. You are demoted 
(6 feet under).
 
\Q\You call your secretary in (opposite sex) to take dictation. 
Do you:
\A\Pump her/him for information concerning your boss
\A\Feel her/him up
\A\Start dictating.."In reference to the supply of floral toilet 
tissue to all departments......"
\A\Get him/her to make you a cup of coffee
\N\Bad move! Your secretary is having an affair with the your boss. 
She/he reports your motives at bedside and you are "Moved sideways" 
to the Amazon for a fact-finding mission...you never return.
\N\Suicide! You fool, haven't you heard about Sexual Harassment or 
is it that you just can't control yourself.....you are dead-meat!
\Y\Not bad, you are showing a little too much initiative though. If 
you must send memos and letters then try to choose a less 
controversial topic.
\Y\Now you're talking! This is what executive life is all about! 
Getting someone to do those minor things for you while you take the 
world's problems onto your shoulders.
 
\Q\You receive information that your boss has a heart problem.
Do you:
\A\Give him/her an exploding cigar as a present
\A\Feel sympathetic and offer to take over some of your boss's
workload
\A\Do nothing
\A\Make him/her a cup of coffee
\A\Make yourself a cup of coffee
\N\So obvious! You stink. The rest of the department think so too! 
They go on strike until you are removed. Your career is over.
\N\Trying to suck up to the boss eh? Well, your collegues note the 
fact and act accordingly. They spike your morning mineral water 
with a huge dose of LSD and Cocaine. The men in white coats take 
you away screaming and babbling incoherently.......
\Y\Excellent! You realise that a Public Servant needs patience, and 
you are patient. You'll go far!
\N\The boss is on to your little game. Everyone knows that coffee 
is bad for the heart. You are transferred to "Footwear and clothing 
supply"
\N\Well, you know how bad coffee is for your heart! You are the one 
to suffer a heart attack...You are pensioned off and found hanging 
from a light fitting one day....
 
\Q\You are ordered to take charge of an economy drive within the 
department. Do you:
\A\Do nothing
\A\Employ a committee to take charge of the economy drive. They 
hire professional consultants and marketing managers. The total  
cost of the drive is $10 million
\A\Take away the special "lurks and perks" that your department 
enjoys. You also give up your government supplied vehicle as an 
example to the rest
\A\Organise a strike and refuse to carry out the order
\A\Make a cup of coffee
\A\Throw out the coffee machine
\N\Why draw attention to yourself by obviously doing nothing? You 
should have been sending out memos by the thousands. The memos 
wouldn't have to say anything at all. You are definitely NOT made 
of the stuff required for promotion.
\Y\Not bad! You are promoted to department head. You now report 
directly to the minister in charge of the department. Be careful 
though. You have the ability to go far, but you are still showing 
far too much initiative.
\N\A troublemaker eh? The public learns of your intransigence and 
heads start rolling....yours first!
\N\Such leadership qualities are admirable, but unacceptable in the 
Public Service. You lose the respect of your collegues and you have 
to go in search of a job in the private sector.
\N\The price of coffee is high and the department's coffee bill is 
huge! You are one of the worst offenders. You are branded a 
hypocrite and ridiculed into early retirement.
\N\Well, you tried! The rest of the department start suffering from 
coffee withdrawal. They gang up against you and stuff you into the 
file shredder.
 
\Q\The minister in charge orders a complete audit of the department.
Do you:
\A\Hold the minister off with reports on expenditure in the areas 
of sanitary napkin dispensing and disposal in the department's 
conveniences in the hope that the next election comes before the 
audit is complete
\A\Start the file shredder in overdrive
\A\Kill yourself
\A\Make a cup of coffee
\A\Bribe the minister to keep quiet about those toilet rolls that 
cost $10,000 each
\N\You have been warned before about using too much initiative in 
your duties. You are not made of endurable material. You are 
demoted to "Coffee machine repair and maintenance"
\N\There are too many files to shred so you lend a hand. 
Unfortunately the shredder takes not only your hand, but also your 
arm and half your face. You are pensioned off.......
\N\How did you get this far? What a copout! Your funeral was 
enjoyable though. The office party afterwards will be remembered 
for years.
\Y\You've got it! Show the minister who's the boss! Let the fool 
wait until YOU are ready and not before. Try to be a little less 
imaginative though. You're a real artist!
\N\Bribing the enemy? This has to be the most stupid move of your 
career. The minister takes the money and then reports you. You 
spend your time in prison carving wooden toys for children...
 
\Q\You are offered a three month holiday in Europe in exchange for 
a government contract with a weapons manufacturer. Do you:
\A\Take the holiday then refuse the contract
\A\Coldly state your responsibilities to the department and then 
threaten to call the police
\A\Forget about coffee and snort some cocaine
\A\Do nothing
\A\Ask for a job with the weapons manufacturer
\N\Not a bad move, but the weapons manufacturer has some powerful 
friends. You are found floating face down in a canal in Amsterdam....
\N\Much too honest. So honest that your collegues don't trust you. 
They set you up on a drugs charge. No promotion, no career prospects.
\Y\With a few more good deals such as this weapons contract you can 
keep your cocaine habit going indefinitely and forget all about 
coffee.
\N\You fool! You do nothing and you notice one of your collegues off
on his "long service leave" for an all-expenses paid trip to Europe.
The weapons manufacturer got the contract of course! You get nothing.
\N\After the weapons manufacturer wipes the tears of laughter from 
his eyes he shares the joke with the rest of the department. You 
opt for early retirement.
 
\Q\The minister sends you his/her son/daughter-in-law (opposite sex)
for a "special position" within your department. Do you:
\A\Feel him/her up
\A\Coldly refuse to give away any "jobs for the boys"
\A\Give him/her a snort of cocaine
\A\Give him/her a job as office "gofer"
\A\Give him/her your job
\N\Excellent move! You two hit it off straight away and have a 
fiery and passionate affair. Unfortunately your indiscretions get 
the better of you. You are sacked, though you live happily ever 
after...so near and yet so far....
\N\The minister is furious but that is not the problem. The 
minister's son/daughter-in-law was the most highly qualified person 
for the job. You are charged under the discrimination in employment 
act and demoted for incompetence (pretty impossible task in the 
Public Service, congratulations).
\Y\Now you've got it right! You now proceed with blackmail in order 
to get the goods on the minister. Nothing like a drug habit for 
gaining willing and co-operative workers.
\N\Bad move. The minister's son/daughter-in-law was planted in your 
department so that the minister can get the goods on you! He/she 
discovers a little indiscretion by you outside a kindergarten a few 
years ago. You'll never work again.
\N\What a quitter! Good riddance to bad rubbish........
 
\Q\The elections are over and you now have a new minister 
responsible for the department. Do you:
\A\Kill yourself
\A\Hire a few extra file shredders to cope with the increased load
\A\Welcome the new minister with open arms and your full co-operation
\A\Call up the ex-minister and offer your full co-operation. (for a 
small renumeration of course!)
\A\Kick your cocaine habit
\A\Make a cup of coffee
\N\Look, a change of government doesn't mean the end of the world. 
In fact it can be the culmination of all of your efforts over the 
parliamentary term. Poor performance, no second chances.
\N\Guilty, guilty! You've shown such poor skill in hiding your 
little bits of dirty work and mistakes....no place for you unless 
you can learn a bit of subtlety.
\W\Brilliant lie! So formal, friendly and polite. You have the 
minister exactly where you want, relaxed and trusting. In this 
state you can get the goods on the minister before he/she gets the 
goods on you. You are truly a bureaucrat for all seasons!
\N\Your former enemy doesn't forget old injuries easily. The 
ex-minister and the new minister combine forces to finish you 
off...bye bye.
\N\The worst time to kick your habit...the pressure on you becomes 
so great that you decide to jump out of the window and so create a 
beautiful work of art on the pavement, 30 floors below. Hairy 
strawberry icecream!
\N\Coffee! At a time like this you should be into the liquor 
cabinet, champagne flowing at your success in ousting your 
enemy...you are finished as a top bureaucrat.
 
\END\