I'd love to but having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'd love to but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'd love to but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'd love to but I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
I'd love to but I feel a song coming on.
I'd love to but I have to answer all of my occupant letters.
I'd love to but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
I'd love to but I have to bleach my hare.
I'd love to but I have to draw Cubby for an art scholarship.
I'd love to but I have to floss my cat.
I'd love to but I have to fluff my shower cap.
I'd love to but I have to fulfill my potential.
I'd love to but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
I'd love to but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm wanted
I'd love to but I have to jog my memory
I'd love to but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar
I'd love to but I have to rotate my crops.
I'd love to but I have to sit up with a sick ant.
I'd love to but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
I'd love to but I have to study for a blood test.
I'd love to but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
I'd love to but I have too much guilt.
I'd love to but I left my body in my other clothes.
I'd love to but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
I'd love to but I never go out on days that end in Y.
I'd love to but I prefer to remain an enigma.
I'd love to but I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I'd love to but I think you want the OTHER sock.
I'd love to but I want to spend more time with my blender.
I'd love to but I'll be looking for a parking space.
I'd love to but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
I'd love to but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'd love to but I'm being deported.
I'd love to but I'm building a pig from a kit.
I'd love to but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
I'd love to but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
I'd love to but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
I'd love to but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I'd love to but I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise
I'd love to but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
I'd love to but I'm going to be old someday.
I'd love to but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
I'd love to but I'm having all my plants neutered.
I'd love to but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
I'd love to but I'm in training to be a household pest.
I'd love to but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
I'd love to but I'm sandblasting my oven.
I'd love to but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
I'd love to but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I'd love to but I'm too old/young for that stuff.
I'd love to but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to but I'm trying to be less popular.
I'd love to but I'm trying to cut down.
I'd love to but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I'd love to but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
I'd love to but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
I'd love to but I'm worried about my vertical hold.
I'd love to but I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
I'd love to but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'd love to but I've been traded to Cincinnati.
I'd love to but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I'd love to but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
I'd love to but it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'd love to but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
I'd love to but it's too close to the turn of the century.
I'd love to but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
I'd love to but my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
I'd love to but my crayons all melted together.
I'd love to but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
I'd love to but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to but my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
I'd love to but my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
I'd love to but my palm reader advised against it.
I'd love to but my patent is pending.
I'd love to but my plot to take over the world is thickening.
I'd love to but my subconscious says no.
I'd love to but my uncle escaped again.
I'd love to but my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
I'd love to but none of my socks match.
I'd love to but people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
I'd love to but the grunion are running.
I'd love to but the last time I went I never came back.
I'd love to but the man on television told me to say tuned.
I'd love to but the President said he might drop in.
I'd love to but there's a disturbance in the Force.
I'd love to but you know how we psychos are.
I'd rather ride the Wave than wallow in QWKsand!
I'll be Bach. - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger.
I'll have the Turtle Soup and make it snappy.
I'll have what the gentleman on the floor is having.
I'll take up jogging when the joggers are all smiling.
I'll try anything once too often.
I'll wait for the Nintendo version.
I'll wear the plants in this family - Adam.
I'll worry about it tomorrow.
I'm a DOS user until WINDOWS freezes over!
I'm a hero with coward's legs.
I'm a modemer & I'm OK I post all night & I sleep all day
I'm a person of letters... unread collection notices.
I'm a pilot.  I pick it up here and pile it there.
I'm a thinker I think but I may be wrong.
I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar.
I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg.
I'm as pure as the driven slush.
I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
I'm bad.  I'm nationwide.
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
I'm doing this for your own good.
I'm either having a midlife crisis or I need a laxative.
I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me.
I'm flexible..just don't change anything.
I'm from the government. I'm here to help you.
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train!
I'm human: nothing human smells strange to me.
I'm immortal - so far.
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
I'm in the computer business I make Out-Of-Order signs.
I'm incredibly jealous but still glad for you.
I'm just another blankity-blank BLANK.
I'm just doodlin' my life away...
I'm just here for moral support... ignore the gun...
I'm just looking at her nametag... Honest!
I'm just needling you about the thread.
I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I'm looking for your nu-QUE-lar WES-sels. - Chekhov
I'm lost somewhere in the ozone again.
I'm making this up as I go along.
I'm married to a Computer Widow!
I'm miserable without you it's like having you here.
I'm more humble than you are.
I'm neither for nor against apathy.
I'm not a D.J. but I play one on the radio.
I'm not ALWAYS right! Only 99.8472% of the time.
I'm not an under-achiever you're an over-expecter.
I'm not as innocent as I look.
I'm not asz think asz you drunk I am Ossifer!
I'm not bored I'm loquaciously challanged.
I'm not confused I'm just well-mixed.
I'm not crazy I just don't give a &*$#.
I'm not fat! - just gravitationally challenged.
I'm not going to climb into the ring with Tolstoy. -E.Hemingway.
I'm not Hawaiian but I'll never pass up a good lei.
I'm not messy I just ran out of STACK space.
I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.
I'm not old just a recycled teenager.
I'm not paranoid!  Which of my enemies told you this?
I'm not perfect - I'm just blind to my faults.
I'm not playing hard to get I am hard to get.
I'm not redundant.  I don't repeat myself.
I'm not schizophrenic - it's this guy sitting beside me!
I'm not schizophrenic I'm multi-faceted.
I'm not tense just terribly A*L*E*R*T.
I'm not tense just terribly alert...
I'm not..no I am..no I'm NOT indecisive. Am I?
I'm ok it's the world that's screwed up.
I'm on a seafood diet.  I see food and I eat it.
I'm on the Brute Squad. No you ARE the Brute Squad.
I'm on the trailing edge of technology.
I'm only human ... but I'm working on a cure right now.
I'm out of bed and dressed!  What more do you want?
I'm perfect by necessity it isn't honest to be modest.
I'm pure and innocent...well at least for apparances.
I'm so bored I'm starting to miss my husband.
I'm sort of what you call an arm-chair jogger.
I'm stuck in my family tree & can't get down.
I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's.
I'm sure we can talk things out like uncivilized people.
I'm terribly sorry but I'm afraid you're just a mirage.
I'm the NRA and if I can't vote twice I'll shoot you.
I'm too stupid to know what I'm involved in.
I'm too young for alzheimers. I have sometimers disease.
I'm totally unprepared for everyday life.
I'm user friendly I don't byte -- I snap.
I'm wearing boxer shorts & I know how to use them.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I've  AT&C0'd and I can't hang up!
I've given up reading books. It takes my mind off myself.
I've got a BEER attitude.
I've got a mind like a... a... what's that thing called?
I've got to go now the pilot ex-planed.
I've got too many hands on my time.
I've had BETA days ... and nights.
I've never liked morticians all they want is my body.
I've ordered documentation on my manuals.
I've seen better conversations in alphabet soup.
I've seen the future...  I can't afford it.
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
I/O  I/O  IT'S WRITE TO DISK I GO  I/O  I/O.
I/O Device-Note you sign for the bank in/order to get loan for car.
IBM at times means (I)ncredibly (B)otched (M)achines.
IBM Marketing well it's IBM Marketing!
Idealism is fine but in reality the cost is prohibitive.
Ideals kill politicians and politicians kill ideals.
Ideas may be whole- left- right- or no-brained.
Identify chromosomes: Take down their genes and look.
Idling is most joyful when there is plenty of work to do.
if (program == crippleware)  bit-bucket(program).
If 4 bits = a nibble; 8 = a byte doesn't 16 = a mouthful
If A = B and B = C then A = C except where void.
If a man understands one woman he should let it go at
If a problem has a single neck it is a simple solution.
If a program is useful it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless it will have to be documented.
If a sight is worth seeing someone will build a highway to it.
If a string has one end then it has another end.
if a stud cat gets fixed its broken...
If a tree fell on a florist would he make a sound?
If a woman wants to learn to drive don't stand in her way.
If all else fails go straight for immortality.
If all papers were smart enough they would be currency.
If an experiment works something has gone wrong.
If an experiment works you must be using the wrong equipment.
If anyone approaches with intent of doing you good run.
If anything can go wrong it will.
If at 1st you don't succeed call it Ver. 1
If at first you don't exceed try try again.
If at first you don't succeed you're running about average.
If at first you don't succeed blame the teacher.
If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed don't be foolish give up.
If at first you don't succeed fall back and punt.
If at first you don't succeed Format C:
If at first you don't succeed give up.
If at first you don't succeed re-format.
If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.
If at first you don't succeed try something else.
If at first you don't succeed try the reset button.
If at first you don't succeed try try again. Then give up.
If at first you don't succeed work for Microsoft.
If at first you don't succeed you can always emulate me.
If at first you don't succeed you're doing average.
If at first you don't succeed; Blame everyone else.
If at first you dont succeed: Change the rules!!!
If at first you doubt doubt again.
If at first you never succeed never try Russian roulette
If Batman was so smart why did he wear his jocks on the outside?
If crash occurs when using this program discontinue use.
If dog.^age >= old then num_tricks := max_tricks;
If dolphins are so smart why did Flipper work for TV?
If DOS was an airline would you purchase a ticket?
If entropy is increasing where is it coming from?
If every fool wore a crown we would all be kings.
If everybody knows such-and-such then it just ain't so.
If everyone  thinks alike then somebody isn't thinking.
If evolution is outlawed only outlaws will evolve.
If facts do not conform to the theory dispose of them.
If God had meant for us to be naked we would be so born.
If God is all knowing can He understand DSZ docs?
If God is Love and Love is Blind is Ray Charles God?
If God is perfect why do discontinuous functions exist?
If God lived on Earth people would knock out his windows.
If God wanted me to clean my hands would be aluminum.
If God wanted me to cook why did he invent restaurants?
If he catches you you're through - Road Runner.
If he were any lazier he'd slip into a coma.
If he were at the Last Supper he'd worry about calories.
If I could be respected and not have to be respectable.
If I could have a made-to-order life I'd have mine over easy.
If I could light this thing I'd send up smoke signals.
If I die I forgive you if I recover we shall see.
If I don't enforce it who will know good from evil?
If I enjoyed looking at an hourglass I'd use Windows!
If I feel like exercise I lie down until it passes.
IF I had to do it over again it would be without TV.
If I had two dead mousies I'd give you one.