A widower (Dick Van Patten), his eight very independent children and their stepmother (Betty Buckley) cope with the growing pains of youth. NEVER TRY EATING NECTARINES SINCE JUICE MAY DISPENSE In the pilot we meet the Bradford clan, consisting of eight very independent children ranging in age from 8-23, each experiencing the growing pains of youth. Also, Tom learns the importance of family relationships when David moves out. SCHUSSBOOMER Mary brings home a pregnant friend, Matilda, whose attitudes toward marriage upset Tom. She learns the joys of parenthood and paternal Tom helps deliver the baby. THE GIPPER CASE Tom is challenged to a family touch football game by his dentist. He learns that winning is not the only thing that counts. PIECES OF EIGHT Tom 's chance at managing the newspaper runs into trouble when the printers go on strike. The whole family pitches in to help earn extra money. WOMEN, DUCKS AND THE DOMINO THEORY Topsy-turvy time at the Bradfords when Tommy has his "dream girl" stand him up; neither David nor Tom wants to go on their annual hunt; Nancy wants to be cheerleader and Elizabeth gets grounded over curfew. TURNABOUT David learns about life at a party the family throws to celebrate doctor Maxwell's 25th anniversary, as his date and Maxwell don't get along. QUARANTINE Togetherness can be really funny when the whole Bradford household is quarantined, including Nancy's blind date, after Mary's boyfriend comes down with a mysterious ailment. V IS FOR VIVIAN Tom's sister shows up for a visit and turns the Bradford house upside-down when she encourages the kids to pursue their dreams and goals. HIT AND RUN Joannie has a fender-bender with a real estate developer who is already upset with Bradford's column opposing his project. Meanwhile, Elizabeth goes from three prom dates to none when they all show up at the same time. IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? Doctor Maxwell moves in after a fight with his wife and drives the family crazy with his fussy ways. David tries to raise money to cover a bad check he wrote at a poker game. TRIAL MARRIAGE While Mary becomes involved with a young psychiatry student, Abby is introduced into the picture as a tutor for Tommy who broke his ankle during a family touch football game. TRIANGLES David takes a roommate who romances both Joannie and Susan. Tom drives Nicholas crazy with his over-attention and Tommy organizes a garage sale. DOUBLE TROUBLE The kids try to get Abby and Tom back together after they cool their relationship. The problem is that Tom and Ellen, whom the kids fix up, hit it off and Abby isn't jealous. Nancy enters the "Miss Sacramento" beauty contest and David hangs around a laundromat in hopes of meeting girls. MORTGAGE BURNING BLUES Tom has finally paid off his mortgage. Unfortunately, the kids get into a melee when Susan punches a heckler at David and Tommy's singing appearance and Tom has to remortgage the house to pay the damages. DARK HORSE Tom proposes to Abby after she and Mary are able to work out their difficulties over Mary's running for the school board. Abby accepts Tom's proposal. THE BARD AND THE BOD Joannie is offered a role in a Shakespearean play for the same night that Abby is going to tell her ex-father-in-law of her plans to marry Tom. Tom buys an engagement ring through David's friend that turns out to be hot. CHILDREN OF THE GROOM (PART 1 OF 2) Tom and Abby's wedding almost doesn't happen when the Bradford children become involved in planning it. (part 1 of 2). CHILDREN OF THE GROOM (PART 2 OF 2) The Bradford house is even crazier than usual with the wedding plans. Abby and Elizabeth develop a special relationship. (part 2 of 2). I QUIT Off to San Francisco on a combination honeymoon and acceptance of an award for his column, Tom also finds that the kids wrangle their way along and the chaos begins. ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR The son of Tom's wartime buddy comes to visit to set up a new R.O.T.C., which does not please Mary's liberal anti-war feelings. Over the course of time they learn to respect each other's beliefs. Nicholas has problems with a bully and another of Tommy's money making schemes backfires. THE RETURN OF AUNTIE V Tom's eccentric sister comes to town and decides that the Bradfords need a new home. The kids are excited, but as they fix up the house for sale they begin to fall in love with it again. YES, NICHOLAS, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS (PART 1 OF 2) Christmas is temporarily put on hold in the Bradford house when the family's presents are stolen. (part 1 of 2). YES, NICHOLAS, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS (PART 2 OF 2) The Bradfords celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. Tommy receives a very special gift. DEAR MISS DINAH Tom is drafted into doing a "Dear Abby" column for the paper. Abby decides to stay at home more and drives everyone, including herself, a little crazy trying to be a Betty Crocker-type. A HAIR OF THE DOG Tommy borrows David's apartment to study and winds up throwing a party. the kids give Tom a unique birthday present -- a day of peace -- and it drives him crazy. AUTHOR, AUTHOR Tom takes a leave of absence to write a book about his family. He can't get it published the normal way, but has a special issue done for each member of the family. MUCH ADO ABOUT GARBAGE Tom has garbage trouble and writes a tongue-in-cheek column. that's when his troubles start to pile up... along with his garbage. HARD HATS AND HARD HEADS David quits his construction job and joins the newspaper as a copyboy. Tommy tries out for the football team and the girls have a dieting contest with no winners. SEVEN DAYS IN FEBRUARY Joannie, Susan and Nancy meet three guys at a disco and love times three drives the Bradford household crazy. David is fixed up on a blind date that turns out to be his sister, Mary, and Tommy is trying to win tickets to a rock concert. THE BOYFRIEND Susan brings a boy home for dinner and gets jealous over his working with Abby. Nicholas is appointed water commissioner at home and gets fired for being too tough. GREAT EXPECTATIONS Bradford learns a lesson about parental pressure when Tommy, trying to please him, buys a term paper from a high school hustler. LONG NIGHT'S JOURNEY INTO DAY To keep Abby awake after an accident, the family takes turns telling stories which are flashbacks from previous episodes. THE LOST WEEKEND Abby and Tom go for a visit to her parents. While they are away, the house is overrun with chaos and the kids barely manage to get things back in order before Tom and Abby return. POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL David meets an attractive young woman who is the daughter of a wealthy construction man. Joannie tries to get the family to communicate better using encounter-like truth games. Bradford, while helping Nicholas build a coaster car, takes over completely. WHO'S ON FIRST? Joannie tries to get the family to entertain at a benefit for a children's home. Nicholas believes he has seen a UFO, but it is only a practical joke by one of the neighborhood kids. WHO'S CRAZY HERE? Tom thinks he is going nuts when insomnia hits and Tommy becomes two characters -- "disco kid" and "mellow man" -- to impress his dates. NINE IS TOO MUCH Tom is talked into coaching Nicholas' little league team and runs into pushy parents. When he quits as coach, Abby takes over and finds a pushy parent -- Tom. HERE WE GO AGAIN / OH, NO... NOT AGAIN! It's I.R.S. audit time for Tom and the family pitches in to help. Abby has her own problems when she thinks she is going to have a baby. CINDERELLA UNDERSTUDY Crazy times at the Bradford house when Joannie wants to be an actress; Susan tries to impress a new man with Abby's car; and Nicholas can't get away from a girl who has a crush on him. MILK AND SYMPATHY Love hits Nicholas when he gets a crush on his teacher. He buys her self-portrait at a garage sale and tries to hide it from the kids, who think there is a valuable painting underneath. THE FLUNKED AND THE FUNKED Nancy rebels when she decides to quit school and find a job. Bradford wants her to stay, but finally helps her get an interview. While this is going on, Nicholas and Irving, who are making prank calls, receive their own from David and Tommy. COPS AND TODDLERS Susan decides to become a cop, and Nancy opens a day care center at the Bradford house. While she fails the written test, Susan helps Nancy control the kids, who are running amok, and finds that she likes it enough to go back to school as an education major. THE HIPBONE CONNECTED TO THE THIGHBONE Mary needs a place of her own to study for exams in medical school. she finally moves back home and the whole family coaches her. Meanwhile, Tommy is learning to drive and needs Tom's help when he is embarrassed to be seen with his teachers -- Susan and Nancy. FAST AND LOOSE David flirts with danger and loses his job after his close friend suddenly passes away. The kids try to help and eventually David cleans up his act. Nicholas tries to help by offering David a kitten from a litter of a stray cat he has taken in. THE WAR BETWEEN THE BRADFORDS It's the men versus the woman when Abby is to give a speech for women's week open house. ALL THE VICE-PRESIDENT'S MEN the fun begins when the vice-president picks the Bradfords as America's typical family, thanks to Nicholas's invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. YOU WON'T HAVE NICHOLAS TO KICK AROUND ANYMORE (PART 1 OF 2) After feeling left out of family plans and accidentally starting a fire, Nicholas runs away. (part 1 of 2). YOU WON'T HAVE NICHOLAS TO KICK AROUND ANYMORE (PART 2 OF 2) Nicholas befriends an old con man who performs his best scam trying to get Nicholas back to the Bradfords. (part 2 of 2). ALONE AT LAST Abby and Tom devise a sneaky plan to have some time alone -- they send the kids camping for the weekend. THE YEARNING POINT Both Elizabeth and Tommy learn that there is no easy way to success when she is trying to win a dance scholarship and he is trying to earn some extra money. MOVING OUT When joanie, Susan and Nancy try living "on their own" in an apartment, Tom has trouble accepting that his daughters are growing up. MOTHER'S RULE To keep the rest of the Bradford children at home, Tom sets up a no-rules system showing everyone that it is possible to have too much of a good thing. IN-LAWS AND OUTLAWS Abby's mother comes to visit, followed by her father, and musical rooms becomes the name of the game. HORROR STORY A rainy night in Sacramento turns the Bradford house upside-down. Joannie is studying the film "Psycho" and the lights go out when her date shows up -- a look-alike for Tony Perkins. Tommy and Elizabeth think he is an escaped convict while Nicholas plays secret agent. JUST THE TEN OF US Tom's chance for "Father of the Year" grow slim after David and Janet decide to become roommates. BEST OF FRIENDS The Bradfords rally to support Tommy who takes responsibility for his friend Lori's pregnancy, though he knows he is not the father. Meanwhile, Nicholas and Irving have their own problems when the Cappleton sisters open a lavish lemonade stand down the street. THE KID WHO CAME TO DINNER Nicholas brings home his best baseball friend, Bobby, a foster child he wants to adopt. They decide to sail down the Sacramento river. Abby's friend and his wife begin to consider adopting bobby. THE BETTER PART OF VALOR When Abby becomes a substitute teacher, the troubles begin for Tommy as she flunks the star basketball player. Tommy learns to stand up for what is right. DADS, DAUGHTERS, DIFFERENT DRUMMERS Joannie is taken with the local drama critic who gives her a good review. Bradford thinks he is a phony and tries to break up their romance. David decides to open his own construction business and the whole family pitches in to help him. THE FINAL DAYS Everyone is studying for finals at the Bradford house while Tom runs into trouble with a senior citizen over a youth-oriented article he has written. THE GRADUATES Tom is invited to give the commencement address at Elizabeth's High School graduation just as she and her friend pull a senior prank which backfires. It's also graduation time for Joannie (college), who isn't sure of what lies ahead in the real world. MARRIAGE AND OTHER FLIGHTS OF FANCY (PART 1 OF 2) David sets out on a cross-country adventure. Tom finally sells a short story, but finds it published in a man's magazine more famous for its "illustrations" than its literature. (part 1 of 2). MARRIAGE AND OTHER FLIGHTS OF FANCY (PART 2 OF 2) David and his traveling companion get caught up in a hang gliding competition and learn a few lessons about life. (part 2 of 2). MERLE THE PEARL Nicholas meets a new girl and tries to impress her by introducing her to Merle "the pearl" a local baseball star. Merle falls for Susan and Nicholas gets his first kiss. THE CUPID CRISES The fun begins when Merle confides to Nicholas that he is going to propose to Susan while David is trying to win back Janet. Nicholas acts as the go-between for everyone. I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO Merle and Susan decide to move up the wedding plans. The date is also the same one David and Janet have picked -- and fun begins. TEN SHIPS IN THE NIGHT Chaos hits the Bradford house when everyone's activities go around the clock. This drives Tom bananas and he finally calls a family meeting at 3 a.m. to rearrange the goings on. THE DEVIL AND MR. BRADFORD The fun begins when Joannie "scoops" Tom on a story on a porno theater for her new job at a television station. The problem is that the theater is owned by a public corporation and Tom is a stockholder. BIG SHOES, LITTLE FEET A new closeness develops between Nicholas and Abby after a substitute teacher expects him to live up to high standards set by his brothers and sisters. FATHERS AND OTHER STRANGERS (PART 1 OF 2) Tom's sister, Vivian wants to take the Bradfords to Hawaii for a vacation. The real reason is that she has found out that Tom's long-lost father is living there. (part 1 of 2). FATHERS AND OTHER STRANGERS (PART 2 OF 2) Tears, understanding and good cheer as Tom and his father finally make up when the family tries to get them together. (part 2 of 2). LETTER TO ONE BRADFORD Nicholas receives a chain letter and really believes that bad luck will follow if it is broken. He finally learns that it is nonsense after putting the family through the ringer. SEPARATE WAYS Bradford is up to his ears with kids when Susan returns home after a spat with Merle, while Nicholas is on strike for more allowance, and Mary and Elizabeth try to bill him for fixing the thermostat. ARRIVALS The girls try to cheer up Susan who is down in the dumps. Merle arrives to win her back and finds out she is going to have their baby. THE NIGHT THEY RAIDED BRADFORDS Things are not as they seem at the Bradford house when Merle's sister, Linda Mae, comes from the farm for a visit. It's a comedy of errors when she calls the police after misunderstanding the family's crazy life style. BROTHERHOOD, SISTERHOOD Bradford talks David into hiring Tommy, who then has to stand up to his fellow workers on his own. Nicholas spends the day with Tom at the office, and Elizabeth tries to follow her sisters' advice on how to meet a nice guy. MARY, HE'S MARRIED Mary learns that being an adult can be painful when she falls for a resident at the hospital who is unavailable. Joannie wants to do a documentary on her family and Nicholas goes into business selling wrinkle remover. MY SON, THE PROM QUEEN After losing out to an all-girl rock band, Tommy decides to run for prom queen. THE COURAGE TO BE Tommy tries to help his friend Ernie, who won't admit he has a problem. they split-up over this and Bradford steps in to help. SEMI-CENTENNIAL BRADFORD Turning 50 does not thrill Tom when he feels the pressure of the youth-movement at work, and Nicholas is helping Merle come up with a name for the new baby. THE COMMITMENT Tommy presents Jill with a class ring. When his ideas of a relationship aren't the same as hers, he misinterprets kindness from Mary's friend, Kerry, and gets deeper in trouble. SEVEN MORE DAYS IN FEBRUARY During the winter break, the Bradford girls meet new men which drive Tom and Abby crazy. Meanwhile, Tommy gets fixed-up with a niece of Bradford's friend. THE RETURN OF JOE SIMONS Joe Simons, the con man who helped Nicholas return from San Diego, shows up pretending to have struck it rich in the Yukon and drives the family bonkers. BRADFROD VS BRADFORD David is jealous over Janet's working with a male colleague. Bradford counsels David and Abby counsels Janet, and they end up happily together. MEMORIES Abby takes off alone when her dead husband's friend shows up and brings back her memories. She works out her feelings and returns to the family. Meanwhile, Nicholas finds going steady is not all fun when the girl is more interested in the bracelet he gives her than in him. OFFICIAL POSITIONS Abby's thesis gets a publishing offer while Tom can't get his accepted. They pool their efforts, after competitive feelings are straightened out, to co-author his book. Nicholas gets his friend's mom a job helping with the book. A MATTER OF MENTORS Joannie gets her chance at a big story and blows it. An experienced reporter makes her his partner and the result is an important scoop. ROLL OVER BRADFORD Tommy wants to be a professional musician rather than go to college. Though Tom disagrees, he still is able to encourage him, which brings them closer. A LITTLE TRIANGLE A warm touching story when Abby and Tom come to the rescue as Nancy befriends the 5-year-old daughter of a young widower. She loves the girl, but is not in love with the father. FINALLY GRAD NIGHT / GRAD NIGHT While the Bradfords let Tommy and a few friends quietly celebrate graduation at the house, Nicholas calls on them for help. The party goes on without them as party crashers show up. AND BABY MAKES NINE (PART 1 OF 2) Susan keeps her pregNancy problems from Merle when his career takes a leap forward. Elizabeth must make an important decision. (part 1 of 2). AND BABY MAKES NINE (PART 2 OF 2) Complications in Susan's pregnancy shake the Bradford household. Elizabeth comes to terms with her living arrangement. (part 2 of 2). JEREMY This introduces Abby's nephew Jeremy to the Bradford family. His behavior upsets the family, but all ends well as he becomes the newest member of the Bradfords. WELCOME TO MEMORIAL, DR. BRADFORD Abby takes a counseling job at an inner-city high school filled with trouble. Tom drives the family crazy after his driver's license expires and they become his chauffeurs. GENERATIONS When Joan's parents visit the Bradford household to see the family and their great-grandchild, a conflict with Abby occurs. Grandpa and Abby make up and finally accept Joan's death in a touching story. HOLLY Ernie introduces Tommy to a slightly older woman who has a 4-year old son. When he falls for her, she has second thoughts. Abby registers Jeremy for school and Nicholas supervises the conversion of the garage into Susan and Merle's apartment. MALTESE AIRLINE BAG Nicholas and his friend Melvin get more than they bargained for when they start a messenger service. One of their first deliveries turns out to be an airline bag full of money to be used for political bribes. STRIKE Caught up in a newspaper strike, Tom tries to bring the feuding parties together thanks to something Nicholas says about giving and compromise. To help the financial crunch, Nicholas starts a barter system in the family. BRADFORDGATE A political appointment for Bradford ends up more than he can live with. Joannie goes undercover to get the goods on a video dating company and Nicholas rebels from his "cutesy" image. DARLENE DILEMMA Jeremy falls for Darlene, a 16-year-old student of Abby's, who likes to flirt. Nancy gets a modeling job with obvious shortcomings, and Nicholas tries to impress a 12-year-old girl with his cooking ability. SECOND THOUGHTS Joannie takes some time off from work to reconsider her career and falls for a co-worker. Nancy finds out fame has a price when she becomes the "Sunshine Soda Girl." DAVID'S RIB Joannie involves David in the renovation of an old opera house. However, Janet is the legal counsel for the developer who wants to build low- income housing on the site. Merle returns from new York for a visit with Susan and the baby, and Nicholas receives a horse from his old friend, Joe Simons. VOWS For their fifth anniversary, Bradford and Abby decide to renew their wedding vows as the kids plan the big party. THE WAY WE WERE Tommy and Ernie, back from college with a "preppy" look, run into Jill, Tommy's old girlfriend. When Jill picks Ernie over Tommy, David helps him realize that reliving the past is not the real world. Nicholas gets a job delivering papers from Tom's competitor. IF THE GLASS SLIPPER FITS... Nancy's modeling career reaches a crossroads over a jeans ad. Elizabeth is trying to attract Alan Anderson, who only sees her as a friend, and Nicholas goes apartment hunting for David. THE BEST LITTLE TELETHON IN SACRAMENTO Joannie is given the job of organizing the talent for the station's telethon. She recruits the family to perform and Nicholas saves the day with his on-the-air speech and performance. YET ANOTHER SEVEN DAYS IN FEBRUARY? This year it's the boys' turn to meet new women. Tommy charms the daughter of a radio station owner, David meets her divorced mother, and Jeremy runs himself ragged trying to keep up with a beautiful sports nut. IDOLBREAKER (PART 1 OF 2) Tommy's career is about to take off when an old girlfriend returns with news. The girls adopt a bum named Max, and Nicholas stands up to a bully to impress a girl. (part 1 of 2). IDOLBREAKER (PART 2 OF 2) Ellen decides not to marry Tommy. He still wants to marry her, but at the last minute they realize it is not the right thing. Nicholas plans a surprise birthday for Jeremy. (part 2 of 2). STARTING OVER David and Janet consider starting over. Jeremy finds a skull in the Bradford yard and Nicholas hopes he will make the basketball team as Elizabeth is dating the coach. GOALS After a shoulder injury ends his career, Merle comes upon Nicholas and his friends playing ball. He is offered a job of assistant coach of the High School team. FATHER KNOWS BEST? Jeremy's father returns for a visit and wants to take him back to Los Angeles. Four of David's high school buddies return for their ten-year reunion.