<>@2 /Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y *4@7 PAUL'S TOP D.I.Y. TIPS *3]5@6 by Converse / A51 *1]1@2 \/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/Y\/ @1 Things to do when you're bored out of your skull walking around a DIY store with your Mum and Dad. This guide will help you do 2 things: *3@3 1. Be a general pain in the arse. 2. Piss someone off. *1 @4 Guide 1: Da Security Guard @1 This is a great one for when you're ]5VERY]1 bored indeed. First of all, look around for a security guard. Look at them in a very suspicious way. Then, once you've got his attention walk over to an inexpensive product and pick it up. Remember to keep looking over your shoulder to see if the guard's looking. Now walk slowly towards the main exit with your item. With any luck the guard won't be far behind. Carry on walking to the exit. Just as you get to about 2 metres of the exit, do a U-turn and walk back to where you got the item from and put it back. Now... for the all important, "cheesy grin". Make your way casually out of the DIY store whilst smirking at the guard. See, I told you, guaranteed to liven the place up and piss off the guard at the same time. Note we'll be showing you how to actually leave the store with your chosen item next issue. @4Guide 2: Spot The Store Detective @1 Ever seen one of those signs on the door saying something along the lines of ]3"Customers Please Note: Store Detectives Operate In This Store"?]1 Well, try this great game. Look around the store and find some small, but tough looking character. It's usually him. To find out whether you guessed correctly, follow the above guide. Only when you get to the exit, actually walk out with the item. If you were wrong, then you can always come back for another try after serving 6 months or so. @4 Guide 3: The Doorbells @1 Still bored? Then make your way to the electrics section of the store. Yeeess!! Doorbells, hundreds of the fuckers! Once you've read the labels to see which of them makes the loudest noise, you've just gotta go with your instincts. Yes, I've done it many a time myself. I've looked at all the doorbells and I just can't resist pressing them all (...honestly). It's as if they're all saying ]3"Press Me! Press Me!"]1. Well, earlier on today I pressed the Big Ben doorbell. Yep, it was great fun. After having some fun with the doorbells, I turned around to find 3 shop assistants smirking at me. Needless to say I went red. Well, children have gotta play haven't they? Before you all start laughing, I bet you've all done it before (press doorbells, that is). ]5Okay, playtime over. Go and piss orf to a serious article about reading CD's with specially adapted disk drives or something.