˙˙00˙ ˙00˙01˙03˙01A Few Quotations˙00 ˙02˙From the First Seven Months of My Military Service ˙˙ ˙00 ˙ ˙03˙02CORPORAL PUH ˙02˙01˙01˙00˙ ˙The following quotations are all taken from my time at S3, Boden, between the 12th of June 1995 to the 8th of December 1995. Some of them are lovely, others are quite nasty, some are ironic, others are not, which is why I have chosen not to reveal who said what. The quotations are all translated from Swedish, i.e. they are not exact, and they all origin from... ˙˙02Second Lieutenant Gröhn Second Lieutenant Bergstedt Second Lieutenant Blanksvärd Lieutenant Sandman Lieutenant Bråborg Lieutenant Marklund Lieutenant Pieksma Captain Uddling Captain Johansson Captain Svensson Major Häggberg Major Josefsson Colonel Nordlander ˙01"No, this is not clean enough! Redo and report!" "Redo and report!"˙03˙857˙ ˙00 "When the day is over, you become a normal, mortal man again. Hell, you even drink milk! But until then, YOU ARE A SOLDIER, AND YOU'RE IN IT TO ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!" "Being in the field, why, that's great fun!" "Pulling the trigger when you aim at a living man just isn't harder than pulling it against a paper man, and THAT, gentlemen, is NOT hard!" "Good work, soldier!" "Cold, you think THIS is cold? 23 degrees below, and you call it cold? Boy, this is autumn!" "I have heard that one of you, while off duty, visited the city with mixed clothes (i.e. say a pair of jeans and a camouflage jacket). If that happens one more time, just one more time, I'll report you. And that, men, WON'T BE SO FUNNY!" "Corporal, are you telling me that this bed is good enough? Hell, your mother is not here! Redo and report!" "Nilsson, remove those hands of your from your pockets now! Ten against one just is not fair!" "Well, I've always said that if a soldier complains about lack of time when he's working on something, just give him even less time, and he will make it. You'll see, it works!" "If something doesn't work, use a little violence. If that doesn't work, use more violence. If that doesn't work, use even more violence. If that doesn't work, the thing breaks. Anything that breaks is faulty, so just replace it!" "The thing is, we gotta be straight to each other - clean, straight lines. And you must act, a-c-t, in order to get something done!" "Clean? You call THIS clean?" (It WAS clean) "An AK 4 maybe isn't the best weapon, but it sure is good enough!" "Now you have watched your pal here searching me through for hidden weapons. Did he do a good job? Nonono, imagine that I had bad intentions. Now, what could I then have done with these?" (picking up three well hidden objects from his uniform: one super hero knife, one special forces kit and something that looks like something you've never seen before, but sure like an attack-item.) "A soldier must never relax, he must always be able to trust his mind to a hundred and ten percent. As for tomorrow, lunch will be... COVER!!!" "Hmm, about this new truck, it must never drive faster than... COVER!!!" "That's it for today, Make... COVER!!!" "Redo!" "I need three volunteers - you, you and you. Come with me." "This is a shot that you inject in your right leg when having been exposed to chemical warfare. I need a volunteer - you. Come over here!" "If there were no witnesses, then your version is the correct one." "Hmm... Your money, you say. Not enough? Let's see... Yeah, you're right, I'll adjust that later on." "So your knee aches? Well, pal, men die at war." "If the Rus... if the Enemy, I mean..." "...and you say YOU FEEL COLD? Now, here? Hell, this is summer!" "...actually, there is nothing to those mosquitos. Just act as if there were none." "Look now mister, nobody ever died of cold weather." "You got to enjoy life while you can; eat and drink and live well" (few other would refer to private Robertsson's way of life as that of living well...) "Lunch in fifteen minutes. Until then... Do it all again!" "I take charge! Good morning soldiers! (GOO-OOOD MOOO-RNING MAJOR!) You have had problems with your health latery. That is no-ot the way it must be like. While in the field, you must live as you usually do. That includes going to the toilet! We had one guy here who had to go and see the nurse. And why? He had not been to the toilet for four days!!! Do no-ot be afraid to shit in the open!" "Not clean enough! Redo!" "Stabsplatoon group one - succeeded. Stabsplatoon group two - succeeded. Stabsplatoon group three - failed. Redo, NOW!" "I look back on my time as a private with joy. Sometimes I wish I was there again, and not just a captain as I am today." "Now, how many other captains do you know who takes his nine-year-old son and three-year-old daughter to school everyday on a motorcycle?" "Do not, I repeat DO DOT try this at home. An AK4 has a tendency of demolishing what it hits when it hits it." "So you have problems with your back. Well, how nice for you." "Soldier. you are an honour to S3!" "That's my men!" "Being a second lieutenant, I mean, this is what I want to do right now. And I ain't quitting, either, at least not until I've advanced to captain." "Well, hockey-bockey is the icehockey tournament where all officers below 33 face those above it, gentlemen such as Lt Bråborg." "These crypto keys are secret. Top secret, actually. As a matter of fact, we'll drag you to a court if you manage to drop them." "Being shot really isn't that bad. It hurts a little, so OK, get yourself to a hospital." "You look around, and you'll see that these windows look like those of a jail. Then you say "Well, it's because of your having to protect all crypto machines", but you're wrong; they are there to prevent me from jumping out. I've taught here for fifteen years, fif-teen years men!" "That's all for today. Now you're free do do whatever you want. Tomorrow eight hundred hours I want to see your boots shiny, your weapon flashingly clean and your locker well ordered." "Yeah well, if you're hunted by dogs, there are some hints there too, but THAT is something we'll not..." "Puritabs, why, the water tastes rather good!" "And several scientists have managed to agree on the fact that it isn't harmful to use TWO Puritabs in order to clean your drinking water." (pH 14?) "Tomorrow, you're going to stand a lot when we listen to the speeches. More than four hours, actually, so I suggest you all relax tonight." "There is nothing wrong with that raincoat of yours." "Money, didn't you get enough money this time either?" ˙01