˙˙00˙ ˙00˙01˙03˙01Start Your Own Dance Squad˙00 ˙ ˙˙01˙Do you want to get rich and famous? Do you like to be a music star although you don't know anything about music? Then, this is something for you! And, best of all: It requires no talent whatsoever! ˙ ˙00˙ ˙03˙02S.DUVAN / CITRON. ˙02˙01˙01˙00˙˙ ˙ ˙02The Ground˙ ˙00 ˙˙01The ground? Hey, we're about to start a Dance Squad, not to plan a wedding! ˙ ˙˙˙02The Name˙ ˙00 ˙˙01Now, when you've decided to go for this, you'd better rest a while as here comes the hard part: You have to come up with a smashing and cool name for your group. Yes, that's a very hard thing to do but again S.Duvan comes to the rescue. As he's been in the music business for a long time, he knows what a cool name sounds like. S.Duvan has even generalized the problem, thus making it ˙02very ˙01easy for you. First, we have a very important rule, the so called "In yer face rule of names" which is as follows. ˙˙02The longer the name, the cooler the group. ˙˙01Note, however, that the name must be shorter than 398,4 characters (including spaces) otherwise MTV will have problems with displaying your name in your videos and you'll get less famous (but that is somewhat into the future - about 2 weeks or so). The other rules concerning the name (in the music business known as the "verbum coaeteralica fraxolus") have been structured by S.Duvan to form the following list together with some selection rules. ˙ ˙˙˙02Oepir Listi˙ ˙00 ˙ 1˙01. ˙Urban Underground Cityfield Countrygroove Euro(-) 160 BPM ˙ ˙022˙01. ˙dance rhythm music cookie candy beat jam groove culture ˙˙023˙01. ˙squad nation hood house posse groove foundation factory collective beat ˙ ˙024˙01. ˙˙02- FEATURING - ˙ 5˙01. ˙fancy DJ funky & mighty busy cool the (new) queen prince king maxi(mum) de la future priest Dr. Mr. teacher sugar grandmaster ˙ ˙026˙01. ˙Joe QL Al Ragamuffin Plovka Zembalo Mark Stone LD B (or any other character as long as it goes with the word picked from Nr.4, for instance "Fancy F" ˙(Some people already in the music business haven't got that last fact. And, therefore, they're not as famous as they could have been. For example, take Chief LX currently having a contract with Mowax doing the jazz-rythm based hiphop inspired Trip-pop. Renaming to Lawyer LX would increase the rate his records are being sold by at least 36,15 percent.) ˙ Important notes when picking a name: ˙An optional "The" (or maybe "Da") may be placed in front of the name. The word ˙02featuring ˙01is by no means optional! This is one of the keys to your success as a featuring in the name makes your chances of success rise with 92 percent to a level of 92,1 percent. ˙ ˙If you want to be extremely cool, then you just pick one word from each column thus getting a name with (at least) 6 words. ˙Examples: ˙Urban rhythm posse featuring Future priest & Busy B 160 BPM dance factory featuring Maximum Mike ˙ ˙If you want to break from the norm (you shouldn't actually do this, though) you're free not to use the words from a specific column, or (if the name then get longer) permute the column ordering. ˙Example: ˙Candy-house music-mix featuring Sugar LD ˙ ˙You may think that these columns don't give you enough possibilities to variate the name, but that is just the idea; just look at the now existing groups - neither the variation nor the fantasy reaches beyond kindergarten. Add to this, that the columns, however, produce more than 20000 different (?) names! That was the hard part; now you have to assemble your group. ˙ ˙˙˙02The Group˙ ˙00 ˙˙01If you're thinking about taking along your friends in the group, you have to take care. The maximum amount of members is 3 (including you). And it's not just any members; they are actually determined as follows. One of them must be a girl who are able to howl "Yeaaah","Mooove" and "Come on". Then you've got to have a black man (or an Afro American if you prefer that). He doesn't need to be talented as the only thing he shall do is to read ridiculous texts quite fast; it's actually an advantage if he has a problem with the English language as he's supposed to mumble or "rap" the texts in such a speed that he neither can control what he's saying nor the rhythm. Voila! There you have your group. ˙ ˙˙˙02The First Single˙ ˙00 ˙˙01Having gathered your group, you have to start writing songs. If you've any experience of doing this, you should skip this Dance Squad idea right away - you've no chance whatsoever to become famous. The best situation for you is when you haven't got any ideas. Then, just buy some CD:s with Capella, Basic Element or Corona. Listen to them and try to imitate them. Cannot be to tough, I gather. The tune must be built on certain rules, though. You begin with designing a synth-riff that combine with a completely vacuous base line and a fast drum line. There you go! Then you need to transpose your riff according to the following scheme. Well, I'll give you the whole structure of the song: ˙ Riff Riff (Transposed) Howl (Together with (perhaps another) riff) Riff Howl Black man raps Black man raps (verse two) Howl Black man raps (verse three) Howl Important notes: ˙When the black man raps, no synth may play, just drums and perhaps the base. The text mustn't go along with the beat, preferably the words must be packed to a such extent that the black man will have considerate problems with getting the words out in time. The verses mustn't be too long as we want the tune to have a certain speed within it. Don't concern yourself with writing a text that means something or that have a purpose. I'll give you an example of a text that is really good. ˙ ˙Feel the power, feel the base. Let me take you to another place. The euro groove makes me wanna move. Move you feet along with the beat. . . . ˙ ˙After 20 minutes when the single is ready to go into production, you have two alternatives, actually. You can either rush to a record-company or you can stay some 10 minutes more and make an album. As you're doing Eurodisco, you will immediately get a contract, don't worry. ˙ ˙˙˙02The Video˙ ˙00 ˙˙01No Dance Squad gets rich and famous without doing videos to their tunes. If you haven't got any garage of your own, rent your neighbour's. Hang up some blankets in different colours together with some Christmas decorations. If your howling girl doesn't look good, then get somebody who does, and let that person mimic the howls when necessary. If your neighbour has a camcorder, rent it too - it's a plus if it lacks features like digital image stabilizers. Then start shooting, one time will do - I'll guarantee it. Now, all you have to do is to lean back and wait for the money to pour into your bank account. ˙˙˙02Note to the Reader ˙˙ ˙00˙01Just remember one thing when it comes to music. You ˙02dance ˙01to Eurodisco but you ˙02listen ˙01to music. ˙˙02˙Footnote˙ ˙00 ˙˙01If you don't like Eurodisco and still want to make some money, you can always go for the slow style. I'll describe the basic rules briefly. The group must consist of four Afro Americans. The name of the group have to be three words long, well actually two words and one number long. To be real stylish the number should be placed between the words, the size of which ought to be three to five letters each. Examples: Boyz 2 Men, All 4 One ... The tunes written must include the words "baby", "love" and "heart". Other useful words are "memory", "harmony" and "pain". Good texts contain sentences like the following: ˙Oh, I miss you so baby, 'cause I can't let go. Let me hold you tight, all through the night. I long for you baby, my heart is in pain. You make my world shiny despite all the rain. So please tell me baby: Have I loved you in vain? ˙01