For those users fortunate (in this circumstance) not to own a modem, here`s a trek through THE SPADGE FACTORY BBS, the official Newsflash Support BBS. On here you can read the latest info about Newsflash and leave messages for most of the major contributors, give feedback, fill in the questionaire on-line, upload material/articles or just have fun and even chat to Spadge (Martyn/Newsflash UK.) Some of the language is a little crude on occasion although none of it is meant to offend and is meant in a humourous way, i would expect the majority of users on TSF to be very liberal and broad-minded! There`s several sections that require additional access before you`re allowed to read the documents or messages, this is usually because the messages are of a risque nature and thus protects users who log on and are just looking around... general mail is usually quite clean and harmless but if you get access to the moisty-messages, well... you`ve been warned... I often change the log-on text but here`s a typical example, please remember that the emphasis of this board is FUN and meant to be a joke, too many BB`s take themselves too seriously, so let`s have a laugh and log on.. +-----------------------------------+ | -= THE SPADGE FACTORY =- | +-----------------------------------+ | 300-1200-2400(soon) 7pm-2am Daily | +-----------------------------------+ | Official Newsflash Support BBS! | +-----------------------------------+ Goddfrey Knackerbag and his swollen bollies welcomes you to the BBS with a certificate for smeg-collecting. Purveyors of bacon and eggs are most welcome on this nutricious, idiotic BBS. Grab the throttle, have a good lick and put it down before somebody sees you.... YES! it`s that time again... time to open the silly draw, don the paramedics outfit and say "yibber" loudly whilst stood on a beer mat pointing at some buggers fridge. Wanted: Hard-nosed individuals capable of castrating a rampant Wart-hog Boar with nothing but a small label with "Ipswich" written on it. Your name: YOURNAME Password: YOURPASSWORD Looking in your mailbox. =========================== Sniff. no mail for you today <---- Always nice to get mail.... didn`t get any here though! System contains 143 msgs (3-217) ===========================  C: Chat O: Options V: Vote Z: Recent Calls B: Bulletins U: User Details F: File Areas L: Leave Msg M: Message Areas R: Read Mail W: Write Mail N: Read New S: Sod Off D: User List [? = Menu] MAIN MENU > o ========================================================================= The Spadge Factory supports 4 different menu types, Ansi Colour, Graphics Ascii or Fast, the one in use is Fast which is simply a basic menu which means you can nip around the board. People logging on at 300bd are really better off with this menu type.. or international callers. ========================================================================= +-------------+-------------------------------------------------+ | THE  | Home of NEWSFLASH UK and SPADGE the Uk Editor,  | | SPADGE!  | of Newsflash Disk-Mag - read all over the world | | FACTORY  +--------------------------+----------------------+ | -------  |  M A I N M E N U  | Based in Wakefield, | | V21/22/23  +--------------------------+ West Yorkshire, UK. | | 7PM-7AM  | Running on a 3Mbyte A500 plus 40Mbyte Harddrive | +-------------+-------------------------------------------------+ | C: Chat With Spadge O: User Option Menu | | V: Voting Booth Z: Recent Callers | | B: Bulletins U: User Details [Add yours!] | | F: File Areas L: Leave Spadge a Message | | M: Message Areas S: Sod Off! [Goodbye] | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | R : Read Your Mail W: Write N: New Mail D: User Directory | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ ========================================================================= Here`s the same menu but with Ascii layout and Ansi colours, there should be 8 colours by the way but only 4 show up in PPmore! Believe me that it does look reasonably neat on screen!! ========================================================================= +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | L: Latest Factory Facts V: Vads Vault | | N: Newsflash Latest Info C: Cars! Cars! Cars! | | T: Tittle-Tattle-Time A: Amiga News | | M: Miggy Music News F: Footy News & Leeds Spot! | | D: Demo News | | X: Sick/Norti Jokes S: Sod Off! (Goodbye) | | B: BBS News... E: Exit to Main Menu | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ BULLETINS - SELECT > c ========================================================================= The bulletin screen is where information can be posted, eg the Tittle Tattle contains a detailed report of my recent trip to devon. A few of these bulletins, including the sick jokes column are restricted access so people can`t be offended unless they`ve ASKED to be able to read them. ========================================================================= ============= FACTORY FACTS ============= There are few rules to which users of this BBS must adhere to, and here they are in most of their glory... for all to see, eat, consume or read.. Smug little Cecil Fatradish went to the top of mount Sweatisack and mugged these here ancient scribes, as written a few hours ago by Monty Nogginfag. Rule No.1 : There isn't a rule No.2 Rule No.2 : See above. Rule No.3 : Sorry, this one's still in the wash.. Rule No.4 : See rule (2) - not that there actually is a rule 2. Rule No.5 : Uploading of illegal material will ensure the offending beast is whipped into a frenzy with a damp cloth whilst nibbling lettice and listening to Martha and the Muffins Cd's. [Not very nice so don't do it] Rule No.6 : Support Leeds Utd - leave a soccer message, see TICKET section Rule No.7 : Drink Newky brown and post a few cans to PO BOX 13, OSSETT, YORKS. WF5OXA For unbelievably large privileges and unsolicitated grins and smirks. Rule No.8 : If you happen to own a Gremlin, don't feed the bleeder after midnight. Rule No.9 : Listen to Supertramp - leave me the last word from the last track on Crisis What Crisis?, Breakfast in America and Crime of The Century for access to the hidden Supertramp appreciation society spot. Rule No.10: Get yourself down to the Lamb & Flag - Earls Court for the best pub stint ever recorded at a Micro-Computer Show - oh and bring your buckets... Signed -> Monty Nogginfag (Reknown wibble collector) - in the absence of Spadge the colourful and mostly drunk... =========================================================================== I also keep quite a few files online for casual users to download or text for them to read, there are 8 sections and there`s a key for uploading stuff too... =========================================================================== +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | AMIGA FILES MASTER MENU | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | 1: Amiga Utility Menu C: Catalogue all areas | | 2: Amiga Demo Menu N: List all new files | | 3: Amiga Comms Menu U: Upload a file | | 4: Amiga Artwork Menu K: Kill a file | | 5: Amiga Misc Menu E: Return to Main Menu | | 6: Amiga Newuser Menu S: Sod Off! [Goodbye] | | 7: Amiga Music Menu D: Download a File | | 8: Articles/text Menu | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ [? - Menu] FILESMAIN > 7 ======================================================================== Heres the message menu although it must be said that the main menu is sufficient for (R)eading, (W)riting and (N)ew messages without the need to access this menu.. ======================================================================== +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | C: Chat With Spadge L: Leave a Message to Sysop | | H: Scan Message Headers R: Read Messages | | P: Read Private Mail M: Send Private Mail | | I: Information & Help W: Write Mail To Other Areas | | E: Exit to Main Menu... S: Sod Off! [Goodbye] | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ ========================================================================== Let`s take a look at some of the kind of messages that get left on the bbs ========================================================================== Msg: #213 Sec: 1 - GENERAL Mail 13-Aug-90 07:12 PM Subj: lots to read From: Sysop To: all There`s now lots of text files on-line.. to read get a list or BROWSE through file section 8.. some good stuff to read.. more when I get chance too! :) Spadge.. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #208 Sec: 6 - MOISTY BIT 12-Aug-90 09:57 PM Subj: #205 - moisty nursery rhymes! (R) From: Paul Harley To: Sysop (X) Geez Spadge, thats REALLY put me off,ugh! :^() ========================================================================= That was a reply to a message I had posted earlier, decency forbids me to put the message on Newsflash however! One subject of recent conversation held between about 4-5 users is WHAT and WHERE Bjorn Lynne (Dr.Awesome) should do and where he should take a girl he fancies, Kristin on the 1st date.. the answers to these were varied, lurid and most amusing... And every now and again there`s some sensible material on here.... but thats not too often I guess! :^) =========================================================================== Msg: #166 Sec: 0 - PRIVATE Mail 09-Aug-90 11:07 PM Subj: #155 - contd.. (R) From: Dr. Awesome Hehe Vad's right - the summer is FAR better bause Norway is NICE then - not like in the winter when it's all wet and cold. You should SEE the girls walking around in Oslo now. UIuuauauauaAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!! Yes too bad we can't live even in the same country - Well I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again - get me a way to make a living, and get me a cheap place to stay and I'll move over ON THE DOUBLE. And I mean that very seriously !! Apartments over here are expensive like no other place - so you'll have a hard time getting somewhere to stay over here. Of course if there onlyof you, we can book you in here with us for a few weeks but not permanently. By the way I got you letter today. Huh 31K wozit? Cool - thanks a lot! Yes - Moongazer is ready for NF. I must admit I haven't posted it yet - but I will ! :) Just wait till you hear this version - if you liked Starpig as much as it seems, you'll freak way out of this one! Reply(s) #172 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #163 Sec: 1 - GENERAL Mail 09-Aug-90 10:45 AM Subj: Haha.. AMAZING WIND UP! From: Sysop To: all In true Jeremy Beadle style I have a GREAT wind up going on with the landlord of my local, the other night we were joking about computer hacking and all that stuff and a friend who works at Audi said oh I`ll write you our password down etc etc I told the landlord I`d order him a Quattro.. well I faked a printer/ascii capture of the thing (about 6 pages) full of security codes/denied access etc etc (complete with line noise) and I`m ready to tell him he`s got an Audi Quattro car on the way and I`ve some "proof".. larf.. grin.. hehehe.... Its a good job he can take a joke.. he thought we were serious and was muttering stuff about altering the clock, false plates etc hehehehe :-) Spadge the fake hacker.. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #143 Sec: 2 - NEWSFLASH 08-Aug-90 07:08 PM Subj: woooo! From: Sysop To: all A treat for Jarre fans on Issue 13 of Newsflash, old wobbly pants Brimble has converted Equinoxe 2 and its remarkably good! Very, VERY good.. so slap yer jarre trousers on and freak out to that at the end of the month! dee de dee de dee dee dee de dee dee dee de d dee :) Spadja! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #141 Sec: 1 - GENERAL Mail 08-Aug-90 08:30 AM Subj: Music Men! (F) From: Sysop To: all Well, YOU LUCKY PEOPLE! We`ve now got two of the B*E*S*T amiga musicians right here logging onto the spadge factory, both are great guys so if you`ld like to say anything to Dr. Awesome or Allister Brimble then go right ahead... make their day... Both guys are regular Newsflash contributors and they are also looking for commercial work.. Spadge ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #86 Sec: 0 - PRIVATE Mail 02-Aug-90 04:32 AM Subj: User comment From: Jan Ivar Bruaroy HI SPADGY! B^) So this is your little den! I got your Newsflash12 today. Nice touch-up on the'ol user-interface! Strange how things just fall into my lap nowadays; I was just sittin reading about how to allocate CIA timer interrupts for NTSC compatible soundtracks, when your NF12 comes in, with some nice source'n'comments on the very thing! Please send my best greetings to Steve Marshall for providing just the information I was in need of! - Right on time! B-) BTW: You've stolen my old "list-paper" logo look on the menus! :^) \\\ >>---(oo)---> WISEGUY /C \ /___/\ He he \ U / >__< \/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #83 Sec: 5 - TICKET TOUTS 28-Jul-90 10:53 PM Subj: SOCCER TICKETS From: Sysop To: all If you`ld like to get in touch with other soccer fans with regards to getting hold of tickets and arranging visits then this is the place to be.. For eg, Paul Harley of Norwich who uses this board, offered to get holdof tickets for me If I wanted to go down to the Leeds-Norwich game.. if you want to place an advert or offer the service to other users then please do - the sysop is interested to chat to any soccer fans who can get tickets for 1st div games this year and who would be prepared to sit/stand with a couple of daft leeds fans for 2hrs on a saturday afternoon! :-) Spadge [The leeds fan] --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #22 Sec: 1 - GENERAL Mail 22-Jul-90 01:04 PM Subj: watch out... From: Spadge To: All HE`S HERE! Watch out west yorkshire the road maniac has been born... watch out for a red fiesta D530 CPK tear-arsing it down the road looking for suitable bludgeoning material... :) Stirling Spadge. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Msg: #14 Sec: 3 - BUY,SELL & SWAP 21-Jul-90 09:09 PM Subj: Modem for sale From: Sysop To: all Ive got a Linnet 1200 Intelligent Modem for sale, rrp £250 quid, in very good working order - V21,V22,V23 compatible with just about everything - totally HAYES compat.. Cos I`m getting a faster modem I`m gonna be selling this one... Serious offers considered.... Please Mailbox Sysop/Spadge. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Msg: #3 Sec: 3 - BUY,SELL & SWAP 19-Jul-90 04:48 PM Subj: Buy/Sell etc From: Spadge To: ALL If you want to place an advert or anything then do it here, please don`t go advertising anything major commercially or I`ll get grumpy - well at least ask me first... By the way, messages involving any kind of shady software swapping etc will be removed without hesitation - don`t do it! All software that`s swapped MUST be original and the Sysop bears no responsibility of any deals taken up between two people and possible outcomes.. don`t blame me.. it`s not my fault.. Spadge <8^þ ============================================================================ Heres the user-log where you can get the low-down on the low-life! That is if they`ve completed the short questionaire.. as the board was still young at this stage there aren`t too many on... ============================================================================ +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | 1: Sysop.............[Spadge] 6: .......................... | | 2: Paul Harley.......[Piquet] 7: .......................... | | 3: Vad...............[ Vad. ] 8: .......................... | | 4: Dr. Awesome.......[Bjorn!] 9: .......................... | | 5: .......................... 0: .......................... | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | E: Exit S: Sod Off A: Add Yourself! N: Next 10 | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ ============================================================================= USER DETAILS: Sysop 27-Jul-90 07:05 PM ============================================================================= Name used in message system : SYSOP/SPADGE/MARTYN BROWN Handle/Pseudo Name : SPADGE Location : Ossett (Nr Wakefield/Leeds) West Yorks, UK. Likes : Supertramp, Pink Floyd, Loud Music, Kick Off 2, Newcastle Brown Ale, Scandanavian Women and Leeds Utd. Dislikes : Smoking, obnoxcious-arrogant-egotistical people, cruelty to animals, New Kids on the block, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, price of Newcastle Brown Ale. Excells in : Burning kitchens down, wearing daft shorts, sleeping, being drunk and acting the fool. Wouldn`t mind help with : My nerves, my brain, the bbs, my collection of jubilee wibbles oh and diahorrea. :-) Main Use On Amiga : Production of Newsflash, Word-processing, Kick Off 2, Noisetracker listening and the BBS. Five words to sum user up : Daft, Lazy, Boozy, Happy and usually skint. Other Interests : Playing soccer, watching leeds, conversation, pool (I`m crap tho`) getting razzed... If reincarnated would be.. : The girl on the Ryvita ad`s underwear :-p ============================================================================= To log off at anytime it`s just a matter of pressing S.. to sod-off.. ============================================================================= Exiting at: 02:40 AM Total time: 00:31 Last message in system: 217 Last message you've read: 217 Whilst spadge digs out the wire cutters - read this.. | |\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\| | |o| |o| | | Thanks for calling into THE SPADGE FACTORY, I hope you enjoyed your | | |o| visit and that you`ll call again soon. If you're in the south of the |o| | | UK you may find it cheaper to call RED DWARF BBS on 0424 217370, this | | |o| is run by sysop Paul Pyatt (Rimmer) and runs 24hours a day at up to |o| | | 9600bd. Soon an ECHOMAIL should be set up and this will enable you to | | |o| reach us quickly and cheaply via your local BBS. |o| | | Spadge. 8^) | | |o|/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/|o| Spadge snips the wire ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hope you`ve found this little look through the N.UK BBS interesting and hopefully entertaining, as that`s what its all about, having a bit of fun, my board is there primarily as support for Newsflash and as a meeting place for the contributors and a place to leave messages etc.. Fancy a chat ? Just log on and press C on the main menu!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------