LEATHER GODDESSES OF PHOBOS 1 Starting, Modes, Matrix 2 Flytrap, Salesman, Machine 3 Gorilla, King Mitre 4 Cleveland, Headlight 5 Barge, Message, Riddle, Catacombs, Frog 6 Barge, Mouse, Icy Dock, Penguins, Baby, Cottonballs 7 Raft, Spaceship, Exit, Endgame LEATHER GODDESSES OF PHOBOS Part 1 Hey! Them fellers at Infocom ain't dummies, ya know. No, siree, Bob! They were right up there at the head of the line when the "smahts" got doled out. (That, I'm told, is how it's properly pronounced in New England where, for totally obscure reasons, Infocom fellers are said to live.) Heck, they know all sorts of important stuff, like, well, girls use the ladies' loo and boys use the gents'.They also know that both boys and girls play their games, and in this one (here after to be referred to as LGOP) it's important to get the sexes straightened out right quick. That's because LGOP is a sci-fi sex comedy adventure. This means there's a fair amount of ravishing going on, at least there is if you play the "Lewd" or the "Suggestive" mode. (Not sure about "Tame" mode; never tried it.) Anyway, if you want the full impact as you play, it's important to determine which you are: ravisher or ravishee. ('Course, if you're kinky, you can be both. But you'll have to play the game twice, once as a man, once as a woman, to dothat.) All of which gets us to the start of the game. You find yourself in UpperSandusky, Ohio, in Joe's Bar, to be precise. You've quaffed a fair amount of no-name beer (at five cents a glass, who cares about names?), and you feel an urge. You trace the urge to the region of your bladder. You are told that the ladies' facility is northeast and the gents' is northwest. Okay, go in the direction of whichever one you normally use. Yes, I said NORMALLY! Clever, huh? This is how those subtle smahties at Infocom get you to determine what sex you will be in LGOP. In any case, you will find either bathroom to be filthy and fly-specked. Moreover, each contains a stool. Get the stool if you think it will come in handy (and no cracks about which stool, either! It's the three-legged one). Under certain circumstances, the stool may prove useful, but it isn't vital. Also, while you're in there, you might want to follow instructions and use the Scratch 'n' Sniff card which comes with the game. (Honest, the scents on the card really do smell pretty close to what they're supposed to. Well, some oft hem do, anyway.) On the other hand, if card-sniffing isn't your bag, simply type, "Smell the odor," hit RETURN and each time you'll be told what you'resupposed to be smelling. In the case of the bathroom, it's an old pizza slice,dubiously discarded in the corner. Finally, before leaving the bathroom, use it.I mean the bathroom, silly, not the pizza slice! And no prurient entries,please. Just type, "Use the bathroom." After you have done so, exit back into the bar and order a drink. Usually, the bartender will tell you you've had enough. If he does,try ordering again. You won't get another one, of course, but Infocom has to have a little delay in the game before you get zapped by tentacled aliens (?) from your cozybar into a cell. That's right, a cell. You are suddenly, and with no logic what so ever, a prisoner of the dreaded LEATHER GODDESSES OF PHOBOS, whose dastardly plan it is to invade and take over Earth for their own sinister purposes. This bodes ill, I fear for God, country, the old ball game, mom's apple pie, and all those other values we hold so dear. Oh, at this point I should interject that you start LGOP in what is called "Suggestive Mode." In movie lingo, this roughly corresponds to "PG." At anypoint in the game, including the beginning, you can change modes by typing ineither "Tame" (ho hum), which gets a "G," or "Lewd," which is "R." This, of course, permits you to play the game all the way through in any of three modes, not to mention as a male and/or a female. If this is confusing, well, don't freton it. One other thing, you have to be eighteen or over to play in "Lewd" mode. No cheating! (Remember those tentacled aliens?) Okay, you're in your cell and you find some things to take: a flashlight, a painting of a pussy cat and a blanket. Take all. Also, someone thrusts a tray containing a hunk of brown food into your cell. Get the food (it's chocolate candy) but forget the tray. Evidently, one of those aliens was asleep at the tentacle because he/she/itforgot to lock your cell door. Open the door and go south. Across the hallway, you find another cell door. You also see a sign at the headof some stairs which go up and down. The sign says, "Observation Room." Don't goup yet. Instead, open the other cell door. (Some jail!) Inside the other cellyou find (a) a man named Trent, if you're playing the game as a male; (b) a girl named Tiffany, if you're playing as a female. Trent or Tiffany will be your faithful, albeit not too bright, companion from now on. On the floor of this cell you spy a crumpled piece of paper. Get it and readit. It turns out there's a seemingly meaningless matrix of letters on the paper.The operative word here, folks, is MATRIX. If you scan the letters very carefully you will make out words, for the matrix is one of those"scramble-grams." Some of the words run backward from left-to-right, others are forward, right-to-left. Some run vertically, others diagonally and several intersect. In any case, encircle the words as you find them. You should wind up with eight circled items: blender, rubber hose, phonebook, angle, cotton balls, photo, mouse and headlight. For the present, you are not told the significance of these objects. Eventually (rather soon, as a matter of fact), you will learn what they're for. However, aswith many Infocom puzzles, all is not as obvious as it seems with this matrix.If you are paying very, very close attention, you will discover that its real significance is with the letters you DON'T circle. If you put these together, you will read the phrase, "Hissing frightens flytraps." You are encouraged tostash this information in your memory banks. It comes in handy later on. Okay, leave the cell and go upstairs to the Observatory Room. (Note: there's abasement downstairs, and one flight up from the Observatory is the Roof of theObservatory. The basement isn't important; the roof is.) Once you're upstairs,go north into the tiny closet where it's too dark to see anything. Turn on your flashlight. Now you can see, and you notice a black circle on the floor and awicker basket up on a shelf; but the basket is too high to reach. Here, you can either drop your stool (if you took it) and stand on it, or youcan stand on the shoulders of your newly acquired companion. Either way, takethe basket. It's a good idea to put your possessions into the basket, too, sincethis will permit you to carry more stuff, at least until you find a room ierreceptacle. No? You don't want to do that? Well, at least put the blanket in the basket. You'll be sorry if you don't put your other stuff in, too. When you getthe dropsies, don't come crawling to me for sympathy. Finally, stand on thecircle. LEATHER GODDESSES OF PHOBOS Part 2 Whoosh! You're zapped away to the Jungle. Slithering up to you through the excessive heat and humidity is a gigantic Venus Flytrap. It looks (and is)hungry! I've got some explaining to do so I'll pause here. First, I should tell youthat the sequence of events in LGOP does not necessarily have to follow my walkthru scenario. For instance, if you had gone upstairs one more flight to theRoof of the Observatory, you would have seen another black circle. If you had stood on this one instead of the circle in the closet, you would have been teleported to the Martian Desert instead of the Jungle. The sequence isn't especially important. What matters is that there are blackcircles (teleporters) located at key locations throughout the game. You should make a note of where each circle is situated and where each one takes you. Otherwise, you will quickly get lost and doubtless die and be forgotten, neverto taste mom's apple pie again. One other thing: whenever you stand on a black circle, your faithful companion will emerge right behind you when you reach your destination. Well, most of the time he/she will. Back to the action. There's this flytrap, see? Well, we know what to do, don'twe? Hiss at the flytrap. (Oh, and it might be a good idea to turn off your flashlight, too!) Your hissing promptly causes the flytrap to cooperatively expire. (He mistakes the hiss for a spray can of weed killer.) With the flytrap out of the way, youcan now proceed west to the Spawning Ground for Venusian slime beasts. Only one spot is free of slime and it contains a black circle. Next to the circle is ajar of ointment. Get the jar, but do not stand on the circle. Examine the jar.It turns out to contain untangling cream, whatever that is. At this point, Trent/Tiffany will toss you a matchbook. You notice it is empty,but there are notations scrawled all over the cover. Your companion tells you this is a list of things he needs to whip up a Super-Duper Anti-LEATHERGODDESSES OF PHOBOS Attack Machine! As it turns out, the list is a duplication of the objects you so laboriously decoded from that meaningless matrix you foundback in your cell. Anyway, now you know what you must obtain in order to win thegame. You also note that, so far, you're batting zero. On with the quest! Having read the matchbook cover, go east from the Spawning Ground back into the Jungle. Go east again. At this point, a mighty tree rises before you! Suddenly,the tree dies and is consumed by Venusian hypertermites, leaving a gigantic hole in the ground. What to do about the hole? Well, you can go down into it if you wish. Butthat's pretty boring. Besides, you won't be able to get out again unless you have your stool. (That's really the only use I found for the thing, by the way.)On the other hand, Infocom doesn't just allow things like unexplained tree-dyings to occur, do they? I never tried this, but I gather the purpose ofthe hole is to permit another solution to the flytrap puzzle. I suspect this is included in case you didn't/couldn't decipher the meaningless matrix of letters.(Those Infocom guys know that not everyone is as smaht as they are!) Anyway, one of the places you will teleport to at some point in the game is Cleveland. There, you will find a trellis and a sack. If you are followm a sequence of events which gets you to Cleveland before you get to the Jungle andthe Venus Flytrap, here's what you can do. Presumably, you will be astute enoughto take the sack and the trellis when you find them. The sack is full of leaves(69,105 to be exact). Now, when you get to the Jungle put the trellis over the hole left by the tree, and dump the leaves on the trellis. The flytrap will sidle up to you across the trellis and fall into the hole. End of problem. Since you have just hissed the flytrap into oblivion, you may completelydisregard the fore going, ignore the hole and proceed east yet again. This takesyou to a Clearing. In the Clearing is a can of black stain. Get the can and go north east. You come to the front door of a plasticoid house. It is closed and locked. What's more, you don't have a key. Go east to the Rocky Clifftop. There isn'tmuch here except, oh, a black circle and a neat view. Off to the northwest youcan see a Vizicomm Booth. Go northwest. (The black circle can keep.) Enter the Vizicomm Booth, which is out of order. Turn or pull the coin return knob and you'll here a clank. Open the return box, and a coin drops to the ground. Get the coin and examine it. The coin reads "Ten Marsmids." Fine. Now goback to the Rocky Clifftop (just type "Exit"). From the clifftop, go north. Youfind yourself at the back door of the plasticoid house. And you are NOT alone! An extraordinary number of door-to-door salesmen are camped out here. One ofthem approaches you and offers to barter one of his machines for something ofequal value you might be carrying. Offer the flashlight to the salesman. Inexchange, you receive what is described as a TEE-Remover Machine. Before the salesman can explain, he turns on your flashlight and a giant Venusian Megamoth swoops down and carries him off. The other salesmen scatter tothe four winds. Hm -- a Tee-Remover? Open the machine. Put the jar (of untangling cream) into the machine. Close thedoor and turn on the machine. The machine whirs and grinds. When it stops, openthe door and get the jar. It now contains unAngling cream. (Oh, brother!) Nowknock on the back door. LEATHER GODDESSES OF PHOBOS Part 3 You are welcomed by a Mad Scientist (mit a Cherman accent, uff courze). Hewelcomes you because you look like a grand candidate for his next madexperiment! Go downstairs. Oops! You're in the Mad Scientist's laboratory. It contains a cage. The cagecontains two gorillas. The cage also contains a rubber hose. Quick! Throw thecandy (the hunk of brown food, remember?) into the cage. Just in time! The madscientist straps you and Trent/Tiffany down to a couple of slabs. Then he throwsan ominous looking switch. Suddenly, you find yourself inside the cage. You also find yourself inside agorilla skin! Odd, you can also see your own body still strapped to the firstslab. Gee! The female/male gorilla in here with you looks better and better allthe time. Kiss the gorilla. This seems to satisfy the Mad Scientist that his experiment is working chustfein, zo he bounds up the stairs, leaving you locked in the cage with thegorilla. Your companion, who has been transported to the "body" of a VenusFlytrap, is of no help. He remains strapped to the second slab. Let's see, wasn't there a rubber hose on that list? Yep. Get the hose. Now eatthe candy. You feel a sugar rush. (For those of you not quite so smaht as thoseInfocom fellers, a sugar rush means you feel super strong.) Good. Open the cage.Wow! You really are super strong! You part the bars easily and can exit thecage. Do so. Drop the hose outside the cage. Then, go to the second slab and unstrapTrent/Tiffany (watch out for those "tentacles!"). Next, unstrap your body. Whileyour sugar rush is ebbing, pull the switch. Good! You're back in your own bodyagain. Get off the slab and retrieve the rubber hose and put it in your basket. If you were paying attention when you entered the laboratory (it's always agood idea to read the descriptions, no?), you noticed there was a black circleat the foot of the stairs. This might be a good time to stand on it. Zap! You're back inside the Vizicomm Booth. Exit the booth and you're back onthe clifftop. Now you can stand on the black circle you saw the first time youcame here. Doing so takes you to the Royal Docks. Moored to the end of this dockis a royal barge. To the south is a ruined castle. Go south. You are in the throne room of King Mitre. It seems that we've been wrong allalong about the legend of King Midas; he, who we always thought could turnthings into gold by his mere touch. It seems his real name was King Mitre, and,in fact, everything he touched turned into forty-five degree angles. Everything,including his own daughter. You notice one angle in particular -- prominentbecause of its long golden tresses and flowing white gown. Unlimber yourhandy-dandy jar of unAngling cream. Rub the unAngling cream on the daughter. Slowly, the angle turns into KingMitre's beautiful daughter, Princess Theta. Mitre is so happy to see her againthat he rewards you with a truly useful gift, a perfect eighty-two degree angle.(He explains he only brushed against it.) Take the angle. Hey! Your battingaverage is going up! You now have two objects out of eight. Put the angle in thebasket with the hose. By the way, at this point your inventory may be a bit top-heavy. I mean, whatgood is a jar of unAngling cream, now that it's empty? And who needs aTEE-Remover Machine after it's done its work? That stool isn't much good,either. Unless you're terribly possessive about such things, go ahead, dropthem, along with the matchbook, the scrap of paper and any other flotsam youstill have. On the other hand, no sense being a litterbug. Why not pick acentral spot where you can drop them unobtrusively? (I chose the basement belowmy cell.) Nothing like being tidy, eh? And you never know when something mightcome in handy. On the other hand, if you're a slob, there's no penalty in thegame for dropping things wherever you please, once you've used them. Just makesure not to drop anything prematurely. After you've got your angle tucked away, leave good King Mitre. As you depart,you realize the dummy has inadvertently touched the princess again, but youcan't do anything about that. It's time to visit the Martian desert. Go south. LEATHER GODDESSES OF PHOBOS Part 4 You've come to a Ruin, one of many you'll encounter. Go south again. You'restill in the desert. Go east to Another Ruin. Sitting on a rock is a trulyrepulsive frog. I mean, this one is the repulsive frog of all repulsives in thefrog kingdom. It is also wearing a little gold crown. Go ahead, kiss the frog. Yuck! The frog is so ugly you just cannot bring yourself to kiss it. Yet,instinctively you realize that somehow, some way you've just got to screw upyour courage, pucker up and plant one on its repulsive kisser. For now, though,go west, then, north to Yet Another Ruin. This one is unimpressive except forthe fact that it does seem to contain a black circle. No, don't stand on it(unless you have a hankering to visit the basement below your cell). Retraceyour steps by going south to the frog, then, east to the Dessert. Very sharp-eyed gamesters will have noted the word "dessert" above. "Ha!" theywill proclaim, "I knew the Sysop editors around here didn't know how to spell!"Wrongo, smahties. The word IS Dessert. In fact, you're looking at a fifty footMartian Cream Pie. It is a mirage, of course. So are the trails which appear tolead to the northwest and southwest from here. (You were advised that all is not always as it seems in an Infocom production.Those trails are not mirages after all.) Go southeast. You've come to an Oasis. There is a little bunny rabbit hippity-hopping aroundthe premises. Get him. (What you do with him, I confess, I haven't the foggiest.But I got him anyway, so you might as well, too. Maybe he makes good rabbitstew.) On the other hand, you also see a black circle here, and I DO know whatto do about that. That's odd. The black circle mysteriously turns white! Get outyour can and pour the black stain on the circle. That's better. Now it's blackagain. Stand on the circle. Whoosh! You're in Cleveland. (Remember, Cleveland?) Go south. Well, now, here'sa lawn that somebody cares about. Actually, it's a muddy patch of crabgrass, butthere's a rake and a sack full of leaves. Forget everything except the sack.Take it and dump out the leaves. Now that the sack is empty, you've got a muchbetter receptacle than your wicker basket. Put all your goodies except theblanket in the sack. Leave the blanket in the basket. It looks cute in there.Now go north, then, northeast. You're standing inside a Teensy-Weensy House. Go upstairs and You find yourselfin a Bedroom containing an open window, an unmade bed and a sheet lying half onthe floor. Get the sheet. Tear the sheet into strips and tie the strips together (which forms a rope),then tie the rope to the bed. Throw the loose end of the rope out the window.Your faithful friend, Trent/Tiffany, will now shinny down the sheet. (If youtry, you soon learn you're too heavy and fall to your untimely demise. This isnot terribly important except that it ends the game.) Once on the street, yourpal will just have time to unscrew a handy headlight before beingunceremoniously struck by a truck and, evidently, killed. Before you can burst into tears over your loss, your companion reappears in acloud of falling plaster as the ceiling above you collapses! He offers anexplanation of his startling reincarnation, but I won't bore you with it here.After all, I presume you can read it for yourself if you're playing the game.Anyway, take the headlight he/she is carrying and put it in the sack. That'sthree out of eight! Time to leave picturesque Cleveland, so go downstairs and go east into thegarden behind the Wee House. There's a trellis against the house and a freshpiece of sod. Lifting the sod reveals another black circle! (If you need to betold about the trellis, you're not paying attention.) Stand on the circle.You're teleported to the basement below your cell. You see, you could have comehere from the black circle in that ruin I told you about. But if you did thatyou might have missed Cleveland, and...oh, forget it. Right about here is where I dropped all my superfluous, used-up junk. You see,I didn't have a walkthru like you've got, and I didn't know whether I might notneed my superfluous, used-up junk again. For some reason which only a tentacledalien could divine, the basement seemed like a logical spot. Of course, beingtidy never hurt anyone, but I think I've covered this ground already.