¶N „¢01ž02USELESS WEIGHTS, MEASURES & DISTANCESž01


 ¢02Written By:¢03 The Heavyweight/Devious.

 ¢02   -   198   Square  Meters...is  the
 amount   of  "Gladwrap"  the  average
 person overpulls in a lifetime.
    -  3.8 Kilometers...is the average
 length  of  all the varicose veins in
 your Gramdmother's legs when they are
 laid out end to end.
    - 32 Grams...is the average of wax
 that   drips  over  the  icing  on  a
 Birthday  cake before the candles are
 blown out.
    -  3  Centimeters...is  the  total
 average  length  of the "Obituary" of
 the  most  famous  person you're ever
 likly to know personally.
    -  90  Centimeters...is  the total
 film  footage  devoted to the plot of
 an average porno movie.
    -  5.8  Centimeters...is  how  far
 your  rear-view  mirror  always moves
 from  the  time  you  leave  your car
 until you get back in it.
    -  45  millilitres...is the amount
 of spit you lick on your fingers when
 thuming  through an average copy of a
 Sunday newspaper.
    -  822  Million  Cubic Meters...is
 the amount of air displaced yearly by
 the burping of Tupperware.
    -  109 Millilitres...is the amount
 of  sweat from your armpit that makes
 it  all  the  way  down to your waist
 over an average year.
    - 10 Centimeters...is  the average
 distance  between the wall socket and
 how   far   the   plug  of  your  new
 appliance cord reaches.
    -    0.571   Kilometers...is   the
 average  distance  a  cockroach  runs
 from  the  time you spot it until the
 time  you  finally  grab  the  can of
 "Raid"
    -  12.5  Grams...is  the amount of
 dust  that  collects  on  the  family
 Bible between readings.
    -  20 Millilitres...is the average
 amount  of liquor an average teenager
 drinks  before  he starts bragging to
 friends how much drunk he really is.
    -  127.8 Kilometers...is the total
 distance  an  average person walks in
 his lifetime getting up to change the
 channel of a TV set.
    -    12.3   Centemeters...is   the
 average  distance  remaining  between
 your  hand and the carparks automatic
 ticket-dispensing machine.
    -    13.4   Centimeters...is   the
 diameter  of the best part of a porno
 Pin-up poster.
    - 8.4 Centimeters...is the minimun
 average  thickness of any book that a
 Teacher  assigns  you  to read by the
 time the class meets again.
    -  4.6  Blocks...is  how  far  the
 average  person  will  go out his way
 just  to  walk  by  the marquee of an
 X-rated movie theater.
    -  10.56 Litres...is precisely how
 much  the  average  person overwaters
 his plants each week.
    - 1/32 of a pound...is the average
 weight of a famous fast-foods chain's
 "Quarter-Pounder"   hamburger,  after
 it's finished cooking.
    -  12.9  Meters...is  the  average
 length  of  festive lights you string
 up  on  the  Christmas tree each year
 before   you   realize   that  you've
 started at the wrong end again.