2METAL Hamster presents..1 and Jim Bettencourt was kicked out 3An Exclusive interview1 after he was heard saying "Nuno, with please don't go, I love you.." in his sleep. Flem Puntensein,on bass guitar 2DIRON TROUSERSN1 joined soon afterwards, as did Simon Phants on rhythm guitar.Up until last year,their drummer has been Svenn Mc- It was a hot, steamy afternoon. I Goldstein. Last summer, however, Rod waited in the lobby of the Royal Dub- Baschre (age 46) of the sixties band, lin Hotel for Plak McJurt, the lead Dexus, joined as drummer.The new Iron singer of Iron Trousers.Iron trousers Trousers album, to be their sevent- were formed in 1978,with Plak McJurt, eenth, is called Wake up to Fear the on vocals; Craif O' Dinkell, on lead End.The tracks on it are : Bring your guitar; Dave McGovern, on drums; Rick nephew to the stock exchange, I want Fineralt, on bass;and Jim Bettencourt your red hot hessian socks,Wake up to on rhythm guitar and backing vocals. fear the end, Set your cacks on fire, Three months later,Dave McGovern left Imploding Pants,I want my heart to be after having a fight with Craif O' with you,Napalm Tallaght, and Extreme Dinkell after Craif savagely kicked umbridge. Dave's hamster. Dave went on to form Having only heard the rough mix of Trouserdeth, whose forthcoming album, the album once,I can't really concen- Appetite For Extinction is being eag- trate on any one song,but the ballad, erly awaited by the many Trouserdeth I want my heart to be with you, is to fans. Rick Fineralt left soon after, be released as a single next week. Plak approached me and we sat down in THEY SAY: NO we haven't noticed any Ok we are showing an extensive amount strange calls on previous bills. of calls in the last few days on your calling card and we are just calling YOU SAY: OK... well have you lost any you up to verify if you are the one of your cards in the last few months? who has made these calls or if we have some illegal use of your card. THEY SAY: NO we have them. THEY SAY: NO or How many calls or I YOU SAY: Well at this time then I haven't used my card. belive there is illegal use of your card and we are willing to cancel all YOU SAY: Well we are showing just charges made to your card,but we are over 500 dollars worth of calls in going to cancel the card as well and the last 48 hours. These calls are issue you a new card and number. including international calls as well as state to state calls. THEY SAY: Oh thank you sir. YOU SAY: Ok how many new cards will you need? all the charges and issue you a new card... it shouldn't be longer than 2 THEY SAY: 1 or 2 etc.. weeks for your new card. YOU SAY: Ok at this time I will need THEY SAY: Ok thanks you to get your calling card and read off the last 4 digits for verification that you haven't lost 3Article by1 : 2Jailboard/Mountjoy1 your card. 3Clipart by1 : Punisher/Eclipse1 2*************************************1 MAKE SURE THE 4 DIGITS THEY GIVE YOU ARE NOT! THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF THEIR PHONE NUMBER.... MANY WILL DO THIS TO TRY TO FOOL YA.... IF THEY GIVE YOU 4 NUMBERS THAT MATCH THE LAST 4 NUMBERS OF THE PHONE NUMBER THEN TELL THEM YOU NEED THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF THE CARD AND NOT THEIR NUMBER, HEHEHE.... 2*************************************1 THEY SAY: They give you the numbers. YOU SAY: OK thank you, we will cancel on hiáHe can change, and many wars with them, their to a certain degree, his physical civilization was all but destroyed appearance, such as the size of his when their servants, the shoggoths, wings, or tentacles. Cthulu rose from revolted,and after a war of survival, his sleep in 1925, but was trapped in leaving them with no slave beasts,the the remains of his cities as they Elder things start to decline, and sank beneath the waves again. their cities are mostly destroyed by various geological cataclysms. 2THE OUTER GODS1 2THE GREAT OLD ONES1 The outer gods take little interest in the affairs of humanity. They are These are immensely powerful beings, mostly idiotic manifestations of who are immortal, and do not inhabit energy. our dimension completely. They are only partially composed of matter,and 3Azathoth: (AZ-uh-thoth)1 therefore cannot be killed. Many, especially Chtulu, are worshipped by Azathoth is the ruler of the outer gods, and the ruler of the universe. Yog-Sothoth: (YAHG-sau-thauth) It is a seething mass of energy,which lives at the centre of the universe, 3Yog-Sothoth1 is locked outside the where the gods dance around it to the material universe, and can only be sound of a monotonous pipe.It is both summonned here by the use of certain blind and idiotic, and always follows spells, found in the 3NECRONOMICON1, a Nyarlathothep's advice. It is know- famous occolt tome,a copy of which is ingly worshipped only by the kept at the library of Miskatonic criminally insane. Universary, Arkham, Massachusetts. It holds the power to travel between the 3Nyarlathotep: (NIGH-ar-LATH-oe-tep)1 planes, and can transport humans to anywhere in space, time, or other Nyarlathotep is the messenger of the dimensions. It has been called the gods,and is the only outer god with a Key and the Gate. It is worshipped by true personality. He serves Azathoth, old wizards and the insane. and enjoys creating madness and insanity, far more than death and 2THE ELDER GODS1 destruction. He has over a thousand forms, only a few of which have ever The Elder gods are rivals to the been recorded. One is an Egyptian- outer gods and are generally more looking human, another is a great benign to humans then the outer gods. faceless beast, which has one blood Many are similar to the Olympian gods red tentacle in place of a face. of ancient Greece.