TITLE:THE SPANDIMERDA AWARDS (Abnormalia 2-3-4-5) PALETTE:0223 0668 0a57 0bb9 3THE SPANDIMERDA AWARDS 3-----------------------------------2 ISSUE 2 3----------------------------------- The scene is a funny bunch of kids. One of the main and most appreciated scene activity is to spread shit. It doesn't matter if it's a good thing or not, if it's morally acceptable or not, if who receives this unpleasant shit deserves it or not. The scene needs to spread shit, diskmagazines need this to have something to talk about, groups need it to become more known, little kids need that because that's the way they are grown up. It can be childish, it can be unfair, it can be blameworthy but it's terribly funny, that's why we have invented the 3SPANDIMERDA Awards1, to contribute to the planetary river of shit indicating who has spreaded shit in the best way. SPANDIMERDA, indeed, means 2"shit-spreader"1 in italian and it's really a good powerful word, almost like "cazzo", our favourite interjection. It would be out of place to get angry for our awards, they are given to good spandimerders, who have had the capability and the guts to make a good spandimerding (shit spreading), we hope nobody will complain for not being included in the awards, but only the best can win! Here are our heroes, then, they have won our Oscars! 3Spandimerda Award for the Best War Going On in the Italian Scene 2ACBS of Ram Jam and FILIPPETTO of Zenith ex-aequo For their brilliant personal war, with valuable and hilarious exchange of insults and menaces, the total reciprocal hate and the powerful consequences in demos, mags and scrolltexts. They have also involved members of their own groups, lighting the fire for a good new group-war. 3Spandimerda Award for the Best Spandimerda Demo Ever 2KEFRENS for Desert Dream For the enjoyable spandimerding against Melon Dezign in a high quality demo. 3Spandimerda Award for the Best Spandimerda Without Shit to Spread 2STORM of Divina For the great capability of spreading shit without having shit to spread. 3Spandimerda Award to the Career 2LORD HELMET, main editor of R.A.W. For the well known spandimerding capabilities and the brilliant move of spandimerding Brainstorm and Zine for the Patsy affair. 3Spandimerda Award for the Most Spandimerda Interview 2CHAOS of Sanity in his interview on Sledge Hammer 11 For the great ability in saying that he doesn't want to spread shit and then talk shit about half the coders of the Scene. 3Spandimerda Award for the Best Spandimerda Scrolltext 2OLI of Brainstorm in Musicland 1 For the powerful and unforgettable words against R.A.W. A real spandimerding masterpiece. 3Spandimerda Award for the Most Spandimerda Act 2SKID ROW For having debugged Spaceballs' State of the Art without resisting to the temptation of writing at the end of the demo, with ugly fonts: "Skid Row Debugged it... How could this demo win? Lame programming and useless trackloader" 3Spandimerda Award for the Most Spandimerded Spandimerders 2MANTRONIX and TIP of Phenomena For their valuable spandimerda comments in their interviews and musicdisks' scrolls and for all the spandimerdas who have consequentely spandimerded them. 3Spandimerda Award of the Year 2FILIPPETTO of Zenith For keeping on spandimerding the italian scene in the Freedom Crack magazine. As if he actually didn't belong to the italian scene. 3Spandimerda Award for the Most Stylish Spandimerding 2KEFRENS in Desert Dream (again!) For the ironic, mystical, allegoric and quite funny spandimerding against Melon Dezign in the first part of The Desert Dream. 3Special Spandimerda Award 2MACNO of Abnormalia For having invented the SPANDIMERDA awards. 3-----------------------------------2 ISSUE 3 3----------------------------------- 3 Spandimerda Award for the Most Spandimerda Review 2 Zinkfloid/TRSI - Propaganda 1 review in Suicid 6 and, ex aequo, 2 Zinkfloid/TRSI - Midnight Mess review ("The worst mag of the century") Both reviews are grand example of direct and good spandimerding, the prize has been given to Zinkfloid/TRSI with additional credits for being the only guy in humanity's history who has succeeded in winning an award ex-aequo with himself. 3 Spandimerda Award for the Spandimerda Mag Of The Year 2 SUICID issue 6 by TRSI For the remarkable and powerful spandimerda articles and declarations against an impressive number of persons and for the whole mag's campaign against another mag, Propaganda, by Circle. 3 Spandimerda Award for the Most Offensive Sentence In A Spandimerda Activity 2ZINKFLOID of TRSI For having written, in the diskmag he is main-editor of (Suicid): "Colorbird, you are for sure one of the biggest idiots in scene!" 3 Spandimerda Award Of The Year 2ZINKFLOID of TRSI For the impressive number of awards won in a single edition of The Spandimerda Awards and for being the editor of the most promising spandimerda mag of the future. 3 Spandimerda Award for the Best Spandimerda Slogan 2 INFECT For the marvellous slogan: CRUSH DOWN INFERIORS, powerful and fearful at the same time. 3 Spandimerda Award for the Most Ironic Spandimerda Campaign 2 TOP SECRET by Majic 12 For the Brainstormonitis articles against Brainstorm, rare examples of ironic spandimerding. Read about them in one of the spandimerda articles of this Scenarium. 3 Spandimerda Award for the Most Sarcastic Spandimerda Campaign 2 SUICID issue 6 by TRSI For the remarks and jokes against Chester, Orlando and Oli of Brainstorm. Read about them in the same Brainstorm spandimerding article. 3 Biggest Disappointment For an Expected Spandimerda Award 3 therefore NO Spandimerda Award to 2 The WARZONE in Upstream 6 This section of the Balance's mag was presented as a place where wars and direct remarks had to be made, in other words a perfect spandimerding battlefield. The Spandimerda Awards judges are sad to declare that this section has resulted as a total disappointment. The lack of any real good Spandimerding has left us in a confused state of bitter insatisfaction. A fable for children is more fearful than Upstream's Warzone. A bad example for the scene and a low blow against the Spandimerda movement, forbidden to above 15. 3 Spandimerda Award for Monthly Spandimerda Article 2 THE PIPPERO OF THE MONTH in The Charts by Ram Jam For the good idea of making a regular spandimerding article on a previous spandimerding article. Needs improvements, anyway. We suggest a stronger spandimerding tone. 3 Spandimerda Award for the Most Argumented Spandimerda Aarticle 2 THE FILIPPETTO OF THE MONTH in The Charts 5 by Ram Jam A good spandimerding article with rational and logical deductions and arguments. Too formal to be brutal but enough evil to be awarded. A good attempt, anyway, to keep on the spandimerding war between Filippetto and Ram Jam (Award winner in a previous edition of the Spanimerda Awards) 3----------------------------------- 2ISSUE 43 ----------------------------------- Friendship. An horrible word. We are so damnly bored to read it in every scene text that at a certain point our patience has exploded. Friendship? What's the meaning of all these friendly writings? The power of a slogan? 2The Spandimerda awards1 are the reply to this friendly madness, the prize for who says what he thinks, without losing himself in nice, sweet, friendly chats. For the first time, since the birth of our Awards we have had problems in finding good candidates. What's happening to the people out there? What's this disgusting wind of peace? With our hearts pouring desperate tears, we have had to introduce a new annoying category in our awards. 2The Anti Spandimerda Criminals1. These guys... persons... beings... heaps of meat... shitless heads... had underlined their unwanted presence in the world with strongly offensive and fatuous declarations or acts harmful for the name and the dignity of the Spandimerda Community. We are finding a certain irritation in wasting our words for such creatures and for this reason we have better to come to our healthy food. Here they are then, THE OFFICIAL SPANDIMERDA AWARDS! 3 Spandimerda Group of the Year 2 ZINKFLOID ZERMALMERS While the Committe is deciding if it's fair to award who spandimerda a spandimerda star, the Zinkfloid Zermalmers HAVE to receive the premium for their audacious spandimerda spandimerding. Just future will reveal us if this group will actually release interesting spandimerda productions and if it will stand Zinkfloid's wrath. Good luck boys, may God help you. 3 Spandimerda News of the Year 2VISUAL INTENSITY 2 by Dual Format In the scene news of this mag we find the following remarkable spandimerda news: "LSD are releasing Jesus on E's II soon for £10 a copy and is on three disks. Don't blame me if it is a load of shite (and it probably is) but this is what I heard and it is news!". Just lovely. 3Encouraging Little Spandimerda 2 WARZONE section in Upstream by Balance The 2Little Spandimerda1 is a minor award which the Committee has invented in order to give some kind of recognition to amaterial spandimerda. Of course it hasn't the prestige of a real Spandimerda Award but it could be a first step. For this first time the Little Spandimerda goes to the Warzone section in Upstream which is supposed to be a real spandimerda corner, where everybody can spandimerda everybody. The Committee approves and loves such an idea but it has to underline that the Warzone is still far from being an accomplished spandimerda zone. The Warzone of Upstream 7 had even more anti-spandimerda articles than real spandimerda ones. That's a sort of coup d'etat who has worried us. The future can't be bright if even in a declared spandimerda place you find anti-spandimerda texts. 3 Spandimerda Mag of the Century 2 R.A.W. No words are needed. RAW is spandimerda and spandimerda is RAW. It beats all the opponents without moving a finger, there's simply nothing that can be compared with the true spandimerda power of its pages, you can feel it breathing from its pages, screaming or humming according to the cases, murmuring low subtle voices or shouting raw aggressive howls, cutting the edge with sharp remarks or destroying opponents with calm mortal statements. The latest issue, number 6, has been even better than before, maybe the military service is making of Lord Helmet even a better spandimerda! If this supposition has just a shade of reality there'll be a far better future for our community. 3 Spandimerda Star of Tomorrow 2 PARSEC of Mystic For the promising spandimerding abilities in the original spandimerda meaning (self centred). A wonderful example of full accomplished and self made spandimerda. The Spandimerda Committee is open to every kind of bribes. The decision of awarding Parsec has been "helped" by the musics he has done for this issue of Abnormalia. The Spandimerda Committee, anyway, is democratic and fair, whoever you are you are allowed to bribe it with music, articles or candies. 3 Nicest Spandimerda Witty Remark 2 KRIS of Miracle He writes on the pages of his diskmag (2Eternal1), after the votes of his reviews to diskmags: "Some guys from R.A.W. staff wonder how I find these numbers, hehe these are of course the production of my proggy called 'RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR V32.69', it will be on the market very soon so you guys in RAW can leave the die-throwing-system. What a primitive method!" 3 Spandimerda of the Year 2 ------- The Committee has came to the grave, historical, decision of 2NOT ASSIGNING THE 2SPANDIMERDA AWARD OF THE YEAR 1 in order to protest against the intolerable popular tendency of considering every spandimerda activity a BAD and unfair act. In order to shake these filthy friendly waters and stir the coscience of every sincere spandimerda the award remains at the Committee. 3 Anti-Spandimerda Award 3 For a Nice Spandimerda Witty Remark Brutally Ruined 2 KRIS of Miracle He writes on the pages of his diskmag (Eternal), after the votes of his reviews to diskmags: "Some guys from R.A.W. staff wonder how I find these numbers, hehe these are of course the production of my proggy called 'RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR V32.69', it will be on the market very soon so you guys in RAW can leave the die-throwing-system. What a primitive method! :-)". The final smiley has ruined a nice wicked spandimerda remark. The Spandimerda Awards Committee is officially against the use of any kind of smiley in a spandimerda declaration. Be warned, aspirant spandimerda, a smiley can ruin your whole spandimerding! 3 Spandimerda Bet for the Next Edition 2ZINKFLOID of TRSI - Suicid Main Editor This is not exactly a real spandimerda award, it's just our prediction for the winner of the next issue's Spandimerda Award of the Year. To say the truth we are almost sure that there won't be doubts, as we have already had a little sight of the contents and the spandimerda power of the next issue of Suicid (7) which will come on 2 disks to give you even more spandimerding satisfaction. Zinkfloid has assured us that he will blow up every possible opponent and we haven't doubts about that. After all the accuses against him (read the same interviews of this issue) we are relieved to know that Zinky is still kicking hard and he is ready to destroy whatever can be destroyed! 3 Spandimerda Award Honoris Causa 2DOMINO of TRSI This is not a real spandimerda award as it doesn't give a premium to a guy who has distinguished himself for a particular talented spandimerda move. It's the Award Honoris Causa, which the Committee has decided to give for the brilliant and moving words of Domino in an article appeared in RAW 6 called: "Scene: A bunch of boring bitches!". He moans about the absence of new hatetros or hate demos, of powerful wars and tough drinking and puking contests in parties! He even writes that it should be spreaded more blood and shit in the scene! We almost wiped when we read that! It's so comforting to see that out there there is somebody who thinks like us, that even uses our same words! Domino has given us some hope, after the disasters of this issue (just read what follows to understand the sad truth). 3 The Anti Spandimerda Criminals 2FILIPPETTO of Silents We all had had good hopes in Filippetto, his personal war with ACBS of RAM JAM was developing in a nice way, it even included the whole Ram Jam group and it provoked a wonderful spandimerda production like Tekno Merda II. In other words we were all happy and merry of how things were going. Then, suddenly, like a knife on the back, Filippetto writes an Open Letter to Ram Jam which appears in The Jungle 5. Prepare yourself for his strong words, when we read them, we fainted. 2"I say SORRY to all Ram Jam members"1 ... 2"I hope that the future will bring 2better relationships between me and Ram Jam, I know that it's not easy, but I 2think that friendship1 (AAARGH!) 2is very important, especially between people of 2the same country"1. We have no words. We can't imagine how we could reply, comment, conceit such words. They are the end of the Filippetto-ACBS war, and, even worse, they talk about f********p! That's really too much, the Official Spandimerda Awards Committee, after such a low blow, has decided to revoke the award given to Filippetto in Abnormalia 2. At the same time we revoke also the award given to ACBS in the same occasion (it was a prestigiuos Spandimerda award for the best WAR going on in the italian scene). We have reached this decision because we are sure that the same ACBS will agree with this filthy peace! We are disgusted by such behaviours which have their damn roots in the horrible custom of these italians, always ready to finish quarrels in a friendly way! (We don't like tarallucci e vino!) 3-----------------------------------2 ISSUE 5 3----------------------------------- The Spandimerda Awards are an humanitary enterprise. You may think that they are the real cradle of spandimerding, the essence of the art, you may have jumped to the conclusion that the most spandimerda place in the world is the hall where the Spandimerda Awards are given. You are wrong and you haven't understood anything, as usual. 2The Spandimerda Awards are a necessary help for many sceners out there. Their life wouldn't have a sense without these awards, they would be lost in a sad and idle depression. The Spandimerda Awards claim and shout the existence of all the sceners who need comfort and solidarity. 2Chaos of Sanity1 has won many spandimerda awards because we knew he needed to read once more his name in a mag, he feeds himself with his fame, if you take it away he is lost. 2Lord Helmet1 and 2Wolfman1 are the same. They do not comment but they are always glad to receive our awards, they know, when they win them, that they are doing something good, that their work is worth to be continued. 2Colorbird1 and 2Zinkfloid1 would be nothing without their spandimerda war, they would be just famous mags editors, but they would lack the vivid image of spandimerda marthyrs they have conquered in the scene. I hope you finally understand that. The Spandimerda Awards help some sceners to survive, to go on, to entertain us with their presence. The spandimerda hero of this issue is 2El Loco of Talent1, co-editor of the mag 42. He is having what he wanted. He attacked the Spandimerda Movement and he started a 360 degrees spandimerda guerrilla well knowing that he was going to win at least a pair of prizes. I could not betray him, I have had to help him and support his efforts. Could you think what unbearable desolation would have caught him if I hadn't awarded him at all? I am too good and sensitive to leave our poor El Loco without his good Spandimerda Awards, from the beginning I knew he needed help. People should not abuse of such generousity from the Spandimerda Movement, though. Times are getting difficult for everybody, the incomes from advertisments, Reviews on Sale and News On Sale are not enough to cover the huge editorial expenses of this mag. We are considering if we can take a serious decision and we ask you for advices. Should we put 2The Spandimerda Awards ON SALE1!??? Do you think we should start to ask money for the service we offer? Sure, in the past we accepted few bribes for some minor awards, we gave a prize also to untalented Spandimerda (nerds like 2Acbs1 or 2Filippetto1) in charge of a little monetary contribution, but now we could go public. Maybe we could organize auctions for the most important awards and fix a regular price for lesser ones. It's time to hear the voice of the readers. You are invited to decide if the Spandimerda Awards should be put on sale. You pay and we award you. Feel free to send your votes to 2ROM1 (we don't care at all of them, in reality), they always collect opinion polls from readers, they won't notice that this one wasn't introduced by then. 3 Best Inward-Spandimerda Mag Ex-aequo 242 issue 21 and 2ROM issue 1 An Inward Spandimerda is the opposite of the Outward Spandimerda. The first boasts and declares his own superiority, the second spreads shits on the others. The best Inward-Spandimerda mags of the moment are surely 42 and ROM, there's no match, even if Inward-Spandimerding is a quality that many mags have. The main difference between our winners and the others is that they have style, they are more convincing (They don't write just puerile statements like "We are the best"), they seem serious and they use more difficult words. It's impossible to mention here all the parts where these mags have shown a deep Inward-Spandimerda tendency. Let's just publish a short sample for each mag. 42: 2 "The sign shone clearly, an omen of quality" ROM:2 "Forget all that you've learned in the past. You are just about to 2 experience the rise of a new standard." Don't you think it's quite more advanced than a pretentious "This mag is cool!"? 3 Best Spandimerda Mag Section Ex-aequo 2 "Did you know that..."1 and 2 "An Awakening..." Both the sections are in 42 and both are made by El Loco. The best comment we can do to justify the decision is to publish some extracts of the winning articles. Read and Enjoy: 242 would like to send shiny grateful regards to: 2- Stone Arts, for giving us a big laugh with Headline 2. Quote: "what quality 2 articles?" 2- Upstream, for impressing everyone with their high rankings on such a generally 2 bad magazine. 2- Lord Helmet, for still not being aware of the fact that RAW is losing ground, 2 big time. 2- Zinkfloid/TRSI , for not having written any crap in two months. 2- Razor 1911, for living on a name they don't deserve. 3 Most Innocent Spandimerda Question 2 DOMAIN of Black Jack In the pages of 42 issue 2, shyly and almost unobserved, Domain scores a a nice Spandimerda remark which seems almost to ask for the permission of being written: 2"Propaganda lies on the 5th place in the various charts, do they 2really deserve that much credit for their work?" A good example of Shy Spandimerding which, though shy, doesn't fail in spandimerding. 3 Special Spandimerda Award for Having Invented a New Spandimerda Style 2 EL LOCO of Talent El Loco shows a first class spandimerda instinct when he understands that the best way to become a Spandimerda Legend is to spandimerda who makes the Spandimerda awards. He is what our dear pupil has written on 42: - 2 "We hate spandimerding! And we are aware of the fact that the spandimerding 2 is only one of your stupid ways to fill your deranged Abnormalia magazine" - 2 "... regards to: Macno/Abnormalia, for franctically still doing his stupid 2 nonsense spandimerding." Not bad eh? Readers are not forced to imitate him, though. 3 Best Magwars Spandimerda Statement 2LORD STRADH (RUNE) of Talent The main editor of 42, one of the most active contenders in the Magwars, is the natural winner of this award. He has written in 42 issue 2: 2"Upstream has not one article that couldn't match any of the articles in RAW 2Even the adverts in RAW are better!!!" Quite effective eh? Radical and definitive spandimerda declaration, fine remark about the adverts and quick enough to hit and leave a sign. A minor drawback is the negations fuck-up, but Lord Stradh has managed the same to let us understand his message. 3 Best Spandimerda Interview 2CHRISTINE DE LA QUEEN of Spoon You can read Christine's enterprise in Abnormalia 5. Notice the brilliantly icy remarks about the poor quality of the questions, the acute and discrete allusions to the sexual immaturity of the interviewer, the seriously detached style that surely has made him feel like an idiot. In the successful interview Christine De La Queen manages also to ridiculize the same Spandimerda Committee (less directly than El Loco but still effectively) and (never happened before) to spandimerda using friendship&peace words and cliches. Meanings and messages of this interview have different levels, they are not restricted to the superficial look, and, the deeper the metaphoric level, the more spandimerda the interview becomes. A masterpiece. 3 Spandimerda Award of the Year 2 EL LOCO of Talent It was unavoidable. He has won all the most desired Spandimerda awards of this issue, he is surely the Spandimerda Master of the moment. El Loco shows a good comprehension of the principles of classic spandimerding (the one who made famous Lord Helmet) but implements his own personal style based on sharp, fast, icy, lethal remarks, provocation and sarcasm. To all these virtues he has added a strong dose of courage, he has dared to spandimerda the same Spandimerda Committee. He has been the first one to understand that this was what the Committee wanted and he deserves all the acknowledgements for the intuition. He is still young, he has still much to learn, we don't know if he is going to become a Spandimerda legend as Lord Helmet, Zinkfloid or Chaos (all, for different reasons, are spandimerda myths in the dust, lacking in these days the good old spandimerda spirit), but this is what the actual scene offers us, get it or nothing.