TITLE:INTERVIEW WITH LORD HELMET (RAW 4 - Remix in Abnormalia 1) PALETTE:0223 0778 0898 0b89 3INTERVIEW WITH LORD HELMET - EXTENDED REMIX We have done it! A gloomy day, the rain falling hard, the wind blowing hard, the sky thundering hard, the sun shining harder, we have had the incredible occasion to meet the Lord live and we were even allowed to ask something. Here are the sensational results of this very esclusive interview with Lord Helmet. Your lucky reporter: Good morning, Lord, can you introduce yourself to our humble readers? 2Lord Helmet 3(with a deep powerful voice)2: I can. 3*Time passes in the silence* R: Erm, well, nice introduction, what is your age then? 2L 3(same voice)2: I have no age, I live in time for time. I am the time. 2 Time...Time...Time...Tim R: Ah, quite interesting, uhm... can you describe from where you get inspiration to create the enlightened words of the Holy Floppy Disk (RAW)? 2L: I can. 3*Silence* R: Oh, what an unnamable secret! Well, how is your average day? When do you use to wake up in the morning? 2L: 3(talking slowly)2 My average day is like the day before, 3(talking solemnly)2 2 I never wake up. R: Really? Are you always awake? 2L: No, I always sleep. R: Ah, uhm, well, you know...but now you are awake! 2L: 3(turns slowly towards the reporter)2: Ah 3(very deep voice, a tree in front 3 of Him collapses to the ground). R: Ok, you are obviously a master in doing interviews, how do you rank this one? 2L: Is this an interview? R: Well, cazzo, I dunno... 2L: Cazzo? R: Erm, just an italian interjection... talking about your interviews, why do you always ask for opinions about your photos in interviews to girls? 2L: I need to hear it. R: Hear what? 2L: That I am the sexiest being of the globe. R: Ohh, and do you really think to be that? 2L: I think, therefore I am. R: What do you really think about the other mags in the scene? 2L: What other mags? R: The other mags in the scene... Hack Mag, Ice, Mc disk, Freedom Crack... 2L: What other mags? R: Well, and what do you think about the other real mags? 2L: What other mags? R: Real mags, important ones, like Time, Newsweek... 2L: What other mags? R: ...Playboy, Playgay, Playbyte... 2L: What others mags? R: ...Playgod... 2L: I like Playgod. R: Somehow I supposed it... Well, can you tell us how can you have so many new ideas for RAW? 2L: I can. R: Uhm, can you... no... How do you write your articles for RAW? I mean, do you sit in front of the keyboard and start to type or you think before about the things...you would like... to type (realizes how pointless is the question)? 2L: I think. And what I think is immediately transferred as an ascii text. R: Oh, amazing! How do you do it? 2L: Telepathy. R: Impressive! You can communicate directly with a comuter! Do you have some tips for our readers to gain the same level of "communicability"? 2L: Turn yourself on. R: Ah, uhm, on eh?...well, what do you do to catch the attention of a girl? 2L: I look her. R: And then? 2L: Then she is in love with me. R: Wow! Wanna tell us how you do? 2L: Yes. R: Well, thanks! And how you do? 2L: Do what? R: The girl, to get the girl, how do you do? 2L: I look her. R: Aaargh, well, let's change topic, what do you do in the real life? 2L: I live for real. R: I mean, are you a student, a worker, an unemployed? What are you? 2L: I am Lord Helmet. R: Really? Impressive indeed, have you seen Terminator II? 2L: I have. R: Well, this explains many things... Uhm, I have read around something about the RAW style, could you please explain me what is it? My humble brain hasn't grabbed the Concept... 2L: I can. R: Yes, you can. So what is this RAW style? 2L: It's my style. R: And what is your style? 2L: It's RAW style. R: Oh, now a ray of light has enlightened the darkness of my confused thoughts... Well, another question, don't you consider a bit exaggerated your boasting about RAW? 2L: I have something to boast for. R: Ah, well, if you say so... What do you think about Tip? 2L: Forbanna Svenske. R: Eh??! What does it mean? 2L: Good musician. R: Oh, you know, I can't even speak your supreme language. 2L: I see. R: Isn't it a bit stupid to make in-depth reviews, interviews and special reports about what, after all, is just the kindergarten of some computer addicted kids? 2L: If it were so, why are you interviewing me? R: Oh, err, you know, it's just to obtain a free ad so that I can swap with thousands of cool guys and then become cool and famous and be elite and hot and fast and receive zero day stuff and see my name in the greetings and be respected in the whole scene! 2L: Well said. R: Yeah! 2L: Sure. R: Of coz, kewl guy, gimme five! 2L: Hold your language, you are talking to the Lord himself. R: Oh, sorry! 3*blushes*1 You know, Amiga is my food and RAW is my coke! 2L: Coke? RAW is your Guide, your Teacher, your Master and your God. All the 2 rest is trash and you shall not read it! R: Sure, my Lord! 2L: Aah. R: Ah? 2L: Ah. R: Aaahhh! Well, another question, what should you do in your life to be able to say, just a second before...dying (Lord can Die?!) "My life has had a sense"? 2L: Die? R: Well, supposing absurdily that also you could...er...well, die. 2L: 100 issues of RAW would be enough. R: Enough for what? 2L: For giving a sense to the Things, to the Human History, the Universe and the 2 Whole. R: Oh, 100 issues are enough? Are you sure? 2L: Maybe 50 can suffice too. R: Yep, just what I always thought. Well, man... 2L: Mind your language! R: Eh? Ah!, sorry! So, Lord, you know that there has been a little polemic between Andromeda and Spaceballs for their demos at the Crusaders party last Easter. According to you, what is better? Waywarer or D.O.S.? 2L: Spaceballs are better. R: Yes? Why? 2L: Better code, better music, better graphics, better ideas, RAW advertisment. R: Uhm, are there maybe also other reasons why they are better? 2L: They are friends of mine. R: Ah, of course... What do you think about Silents' Hardwired? 2L: Crap. R: Crap??! How possible? 2L: Not made in Norway. R: Ah, I forgot that! But tell me, is there something not made in Norway which is not crap? 2L: Uhm. R: Uhm? 2L: Maybe readers. R: Readers? 2L: Every RAW reader is a good and holy thing. Even if not norwegian. R: Impressive! Then there is a hope for the world! By the way, do you have some messages to send around? 2L: Yes. R: Well, send'em then! 2L: Hi mummy. Good work with me. R: By the way, why are you called "Lord Helmet"? 2L: A day, much time ago, I fell from the throne. I got a bump at the head. I 2 decided that it was not good. I bought an helmet. Not to bump the head 2 again. R: Oh, what a terrible and sad story! And why "Lord"? 2L: Why not? God Helmet sounds bad. R: Yep, actually Lord sounds better. Almost perfect... 2L: Almost? R: No no! I meant totally perfect, just the best handle ever! The holy name made Editor. And tell me, Lord, do you like to play football? 2L: I like. R: Are you a good player? 2L: Time. R: Time? 2L: Time. R: What do you mean? 2L: The time is over. R: What time? 2L: Interview time. R: Ah, well, sorry if we had to disturb your...Time. We would like to thank you very much for the brilliant interview and wish you all the best with your mag, can you please leave us a sign? You know 3*blushes*1 it's for my children... 2L: I can. R: Great! Here is pen and paper! 2L: X Macno 3*Some seconds later* R: Lord! Lord! A miracle! A miracle! 2L: What? R: The interview! THIS interview! It has been already published! 2L: Where? R: On RAW! Gosh, Lord! We made it just few minutes ago and it was already published! 2L: What? R: The interview, Lord! THIS interview! 2L: Ah. R: But tell me, Lord, how do you feel to be interviewed by an unknown guy? It's a symbol of success for you! 2L: Sure. R: Do you like it? 2L: Sure. R: That's why you have published this interview! 2L: Sure. R: Are you sure to be sure? 2L: Sure R: You are powerful my Lord! You can change the scene at your will!! 2L: Sure R: Just look at the Patsy affair! With the text where you discover the Truth about the Patsy-gate you can raise a storm against Brainstorm! 2L: Sure. R: Tell the truth, Lord, you are a bit angry that Zine has came before RAW. 2L: Sure. R: Well, anyway. I somehow think that the RAW ... er ... style is a bit too much aggressive. After all you are just talking about the scene! The kindergarden of some more or less young boys. Do you really think that the scene has to be considered so seriously? 2L: Sure. R: What? 2L: Sure. R: Ah. For a while I thought to have heard something different. 2L: Suck. R: What? 2L: Sure. R: Oh. Well, anyway it has been very kind of you to answer to these questions and to publish everything on your own mag without bad comments. It really seems that you know what IRONY is! 2L: Sure, morspuler! R: Oh, thank you Lord, what does it mean? 2L: My son. R: Gosh! That's really great from you! Thanks Lord, may God bless you! 2L: God? Talking about me? R: Sure. 2L: I mean, I am a bit tired to play the Terminator, Macno, let tell me 2 something more in this interview! R: Sure. 2L: Cazzo, after all I don't really think to be God, I mean, I was just joking, 2 maybe I am an idol or an angel, but I have some self irony, you know... R: Sure. 2L: The same RAW is not completely perfect! R: Sure. 2L: Uhm, have you got some more questions? R: Sure. 2L: Well, ask me them! R: What? 2L: The questions! Ask me the questions! R: Sure. 2L: This interview is too long, 10 Kbytes can be enough, what about finishing 2 it? R: Sure. 2L: Well, finish it then! You are the reporter! I am Lord! R: Sure. 2L: Sure of what? R: There is a fly on the mirror, it stares its own legs. It's strange because it's not a normal black fly, no, sure it isn't. It's black, sure, but not of the normal black every good black normal fly has to have. That's sure as it's sure that the fly is not of a normal black. Maybe it is ill, it seems a bit pale. Maybe it is a skinhead fly. It hasn't many hairs... 2L: May the reader forgive you for what you have made him read, reporter. R: Sure. 2L: I mean, this interview has been really terrible, I don't think it has been 2 interesting or funny. R: Sure. 2L: So why have you written it? R: To fill space, Lord! A scene mag editor should know that! 2L: Sure. R: Sure. 2L: Are you sure to be a scene mag editor? R: Not at all. 2L: Well anyway that's not so important. R: Sure. 2L: Sure.