$fdf|1-Bloody, bloody, bloody arse! $fbd by kenco.carnage $fdd Things annoy me. They annoy everyone. Reading through a few articles in The Word 16 has prompted me to vent my spleen. And it's also a sort of reply to Dan Wood's article in The Word 16. 1. Demos that have time limits on them. F1 and F1'97, Toca Touring Cars are all time limited demos. Annoying! 2. BBC Radio - every station apart from Radio 1 is cack! And Radio 1 just scrapes through by providing "One In The Jungle" and "Evening Sessions with Pete Tong". Yay. 3. Oh dear. What is the world coming to when the likes of "Barbie Girl" and "Dr. Jones" get to number one as soon as they're released? They're CACK! 4. Digitiser - I have to agree with Dan Wood's opinion. Digitiser are a load of head-up-their-own-arse wankers, they've even seen fit to start bitching about the Playstation! For christ's sake! Playstation is the most successful console.. EVER! And god knows why they have this "attichood" towards the amiga. And yes, it probably was the same "Stuart Campbell".. stupid wanker. He even worked on Cannon Fodder 2 for the Amiga. That was when he was lured away from Amiga Power to work at Sensible Software, then when he'd got fed up, he went back to work for AP!! Tosser! Then he goes and puts the Amiga down like that! Dear-oh-dear. 5. PC Users - now, I know a few people with PC's, and most of them are alright. There are those that KNOW how their PC's work and there are those that don't know and, to be quite frank, couldn't give a fuck. I knew someone who had enough dosh to upgrade his PC, but would he? No. To play Quake over a direct connection (his was a 3.1, the other PC was W95) he had to lay his mouse upside down, so that vibrations on the table wouldn't disturb the serial cable connection!! Why? 'Cos bizarrely, the mouse and serial cable used the same com port. eh? Well, YOU figure it out! 'Cos I bloody well couldn't! Neither could he! It probably would have worked a damn sight better if both PC's had W95... 6. PS Owners - aw, come on m8! Having a dig at PS owners!!? "If the PS game doesn't have loads of shaved gonads flying about the screen, then it's crap" is more or less what you instigated.. hmm. I've recently played the best game I HAVE EVER PLAYED recently. It was Abe's Odysee (fuck knows how you spell it) and it's a flick-screen, 2d platform game. With no 3d. apart from the rendered animation. Like Flashback on the Amiga. True, some games are enhanced by 3d and stuff, but only if the gameplay merits it. I've actually played an NTSC version of Mario64 and I think it's not as good as people have rated it. Okay, when I dived down on one level and a galleon faded into sight, that was impressive. And when I jumped down a chimney on a snow level I thought "Ah, look, it's that slidey bit from the Gamesmaster challenge".. but... well, i kind of got bored with it. It's nice and all, but.. hmm.. Anyway, I've played a number of games on my PS, most have been good, some have been very crap indeed. Playing all the way through Tomb Raider is also an experience not to be missed. Granted, some people might not like it, but most people I`ve seen playing it are pretty much captivated. Okay, so the PS displays things in low-res, and examples of it running in hi-res (640xsummat) havn`t exactly been promising (F1 '97 and it`s wonderful polygon clipping?) BUT! The reason why some some companies program games in hi-res is that Sony released an Analyser, to grab info from the CPU and GPU (Graphics Proc. Unit) and see exactly how much was being processed. Tekken 2, apparently, only used 30% of the Playstations power. Also, people who are serious about Playstation gaming get a Scart cable, eliminating the crappy fuzzy output generated via RF leads. If you havn`t seen the difference, I think you`d be pleasantly surprised. Fair enough, PC`s are getting more powerful than consoles, but they`ve had to play catch-up for a while. The PS was released in `95 and about three years on, PC`s have become powerful enough to run the same sort of games (thru` 3d cards I might add) I`m not having a go at PC`s or their owners, I`m just trying to defend the PS and giving reasons as to why it Isn`t crap at all. I just can`t afford to get a PC that would run games equivalent to the PS, even though they may be in double the resolution and be able to lots of things otherwise, I just can`t afford it. I also want no hassles when I`m playing games either. A good case in point is the conversion of Grand Theft Auto - the PC, with its extensive amounts of RAM, HD space, processing speed and graphics card output can deal with games like this easily. DMA must have had a bloody hard time getting it to work in 2megs of ram, with only another 1.5meg left for sound and other bits, plus there`s only a 2x speed cd-rom. Although it COULD have been converted better (The AI is what slows the frame-rate down, probably just needed optimising, although that`s easy for me to say :) sigh, anyway... 7. Idiots who say "You middle-class git". I can relate to this. When I came back to England to study at college, I was accused of being a right posh git. I really don't know why. My family aren't particularly well off. There've been a couple of times when we've had absolutely no money at all. Which was frightening. I guess people judge people by stereotyping them. It's the same when you see a six-foot skinhead with "My mam's a Nazi" tattooed on his forehead walking your way and you "decide" to cross the street. Only that person could be the nicest "bloke" (hehe) you'd probably ever meet. One of my mates at Uni was walking home when a bloke came over to him and asked "What are you doin' mate?" my mate almost cacked his pants, as there were a few of his "mates" hanging about. "Uh..noth-nothing", my mate said. The bloke then went back to his mates who by now, my mate had noticed, were Police on bikes waiting for something to happen or something.. see, stereotyping? 8. Classical Music - I remember at school, when my music teacher made us listen to some old, old Henry 8th type "music" that can be best described as sounding like several cats having their "bits" torn off by someone reaching all the way from their mouth to their "bits", tearing them off and pulling them out of their mouths. Mind you, there are some nice classics that are quite soothing to listen to, and apparently they boost your learning power while studying. 9. Country Music - There's probably one song that I like, only I haven't heard it yet. 10. Cassette Tapes - hey, if these hadn't come about, could you imagine using the old eight-track "cassettes"? I bloody well couldn't. Thank god. Thanks to Dolby(tm), the "hissing" that you hear can be reduced.. I forget what the ratios are, but there's Dolby NR B and Dolby C. There's also a couple of hybrids (Dolby S I think) that also fine tune the hissing. Kei told me that the algorithm used for CD`s was good in the days it was invented, but nowadays you could reprogram the algorithm to fit a hell of a lot more on a standard CD. SO WHY DON`T PEOPLE DO IT THEN? Silly arses. $ff0[Philips had Beethoven (I think) as the longest piece in thier collection which was about 74mins so they wrote the compression based on that. However you can fit more on a CD these days if a better algorithm is used hence advances such as DVD. Kei] $cff11. Feminists - Wimmin's rights now! Bollocks! Don't you think you've got enough bloody rights already? I tell you, if you're a white, heterosexual male these days, you're buggered (scuse the wording there). What do they want that they already have? Total world domination? No Men? Or what? Eh? Sheesh. I tell you summat, every ugly bird is a feminist and every babe lives on the isle of Lesbos! 12. Different dress senses - I really hope my mum and dad don't end up doing this, dressing in shell-suits and trainers in an attempt at "looking cool". I would just die of embarrassment, hoping that I would become small enough to hide in a crack in the pavement. Oh, and those bloody fashion weeks "This year, you zee, I 'ave uzed ze barbed wire for ze knickers, non?" What a load of tripe!! 13. Windows - An anagram of Bill Gates is Stale Bilge (with an extra E). I guess that Bill and his chums decided to integrate much of what they had seen on other platforms (including the much-lauded "multitasking" facility of the Amiga) into one, big, lump sum. Only it doesn't work like that. All this bloody "plug and play" lark is a load of cobblers too. Direct X is nice, in that if you use it to develop games with, they'll not be as powerful as you can get them. id's (pronounced "id" not "eye-dee", "id" means "the darker side of your soul" or summat. That's what the devil told me, anyway) OpenGL system produces very clean code and can enable programmers to get some very impressive results these days, which is what it's all about in this day and age. Just look at the recent glut of games - Quake 2, Hexen 2, Carmageddon, Interstate 76.. what do they have in common? Well, for a start, if you try and run these on a 486, they're gonna be pretty piss poor. Okay, you CAN probably run them on such a machine, but do you really want to? Windows 95 could have been so much better. Let's just hope the next "update" is better... 14. "Bloke" - er..? What's wrong with this, then? 15. Americans - "Hey, you're from England, right? I got a friend in London, you know him?" DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!! Several reasons to hate americans : COLOR... doh! almost there, but... not quite! eejits. SIDEWALK... eh? what's that all about then? SUBWAY... fiiiiine.. SLACKS... no, they`re trousers. PANTS... umm.. not okay. Why call your trousers "pants"? Pants are what you put on Underneath your trousers. Doh! TV... Why oh why oh why? Why are there So Many Channels? I think Five's enough, as it is. Although there are some nights when there's crap on, but that gives me a chance to do something else. NEIGHBOR... doooh! almost there! JAYWALKING...wassat all about then? That's enough for now, I don't want to start a war! 16. Bloody French and Italians - whenever a foreigner visits Great Britain, they can't get over how friendly us English are. Presumably because there own country is full of pig-ignorant dickheads who can't tell their arse from their elbow. The French are.. ooh.. just bloody French, with their poncy bloody mannerisms.. drives me bloody mad. And the Italians - okay, so they have fine cars and that but that doesn't mean they don't have to learn how to drive them properly. And they're just full of themselves. Germans as well, I've witnessed this, and Germans'll pick something up and put it in their trolley at a supermarket, only to put it back a bit later. Why? No-one knows, it's just one of those things... 17. Bloody things that are designed to be "easy pour", but end up covering the counter in milk or whatever anyway - witness the german promoting the milk carton and ended up pouring it all over the shop. Silly sod. Gravy jugs, right, when you've made your gravy and it's all nice you want it to end up on your plate, right? With that curved bit at the front, you think all you have to do is aim and wahey, you've got gravy on your dinner? Wrong The gravy dribbles down the front of the jug and spatters all over the place. Milk bottles - try and "carefully" pour some milk into your cup of tea. No bloody chance. You've got to dump a whole load in or have none. At least someone came up with the bright idea of designing the funnel. Have you ever tried pouring something into a bottle without using a funnel? Don't, cos it'll end up bloody everywhere, rest assured. 18. Bloody old people - Christ on a bike! Right, you're walking in town, you're looking in the window while walking and bam! a granny stops right in front of you to look in the window and you look like a loon trying to regain your balance. Okay, fair enough, it ain't just old people, but it is old people who drive those cart things. On The Bloody Road. At Five Chuffing Miles An Hour. Chuff me! 19. Sore losers - Yep, I am one. And I know that it's annoying. All I do is sit and sulk if I'm being repetitively beaten and not given a chance on, say, Tekken 2. Against someone who knows all the moves to all the characters and I'm frantically pushing all the buttons trying to fend off such attacks. Then I just give up and maybe even start the dreaded whining. Yes, I know it's crap. I look back on myself and think "What a stupid idiot I was".. I just can't help it. 20. People who know all the words, to every song. Ever - my sisters are the worlds no.1 candidate for this annoying trait. They'll sing along to adverts and I just want to do something...oooh...bloody nasty! People singing along to songs really annoys me. I can hear the music perfectly well, myself, thanks all the same, without your bloody voice drowning it out. Even if they hum...aargh!! DIE DIE DIE!!! I could sit and write all day and all night, but you've probably shot yourself by now. So good night "and don't let the bed-bugs bite" aaarrrggghhhhh!!! -ende-