|1-Kei Update By Kei of Carnage $ff3Ok. A lot of you have been wondering what I've been up to lately since I seemed to of dropped off the face of the earth for several months without a word so rather than spending another few weeks going through Word 17 updating it I'll just insert this article, bung it on the net and work on finishing issue 18. So.. if you don't know me then feel free to skip this article and enjoy the rest of the articles in this issue. Elsewhere in this issue there should be an article by me on the shit that I had to put up with in my old flat. Well not long after I wrote that it got worse and my landlord decided to let me out of my contract early without me having to lose my deposit. I started looking for a new place to live and about a week later I found a place that was suitable. It was half the rent I was paying for my flat and unlike my flat, all bills were included including a cable feed into my room with everything switched on. Thats movies, sports etc. There was a place to park my car just around the corner and even the milk was included in the rent! Cool eh? I moved in a week later. It took me a whole day. I had to drive across Ipswich and back 3 times to move all my stuff in my little car. It then took me the next day to get things sorted out. I had already arranged with the utility companies to cut me off on sunday so that was that taken care of or so I thought. Come monday I went back to the flat to do some last minute tidying up during my dinner break and to hand over the keys to the estate agent. The bitch seemed pissed to find the place imaculate and that she could not find anything wrong with it. She then spotted a piece of blu-tak on one wall and decided to pull it off fast. In doing so she took some of the wall covering with her! She then had the cheek to turn around and say that she would have to advise the landlord that he may have to redecorate that wall and that it would come out of my deposit (£220). The bitch did it herself! If she had let me do it I could of peeled it off without a mark to be seen! Over the next week the utility companies started pissing me about. At present the water company is still doing nothing to update and close my account with them but I couldn't care less as I owe them money. The electricity company owes me over fifty quid though and is bogging me down in paperwork in order to get it back! Don't leave home kids. As for the cable company. They were paid off but they told me to take the equipment with me and they'd come to pick it up. I made several appointments for them to pick it up before xmas giving them a 4 hour window each time but did they come? Nope. Now they want me to be in during my working hours for a 4 hour window and I can't do that. So they say I pay for the equipment or drive 40 miles to there depo to hand it over. Fuck em. My estate agent gave me £100 back from my deposit and still has £120 of it saying it will cost about £60+ to redecorate the wall. I think they are probably giving it 50 coats for that amount. My landlord said he'd give me my £110 for overpayment of rent back (I now loathe direct debit) and he hasn't. Don't you hate it when people owe you money and refuse to give it back when they know it's rightfully yours? I have a feeling they are about to experience some phone problems shortly. Works been pretty hectic up till xmas as well. We have a major project that needed writing up so I was bored out of my skull most of the time writing documents. Cheers to those of you who emailed me with idle chatter! Word 17 was supposed to be uploaded to the Carnage web site before I left for chrimbo but I got ill with the flu. I was still ill on Dec 24th but I drove the 250+ miles up to Middlesbrough with the heater turned on full, a flask of coffee on the passanger seat and Meredith Brooks on the tape deck singing about wanting to cum fast. Cool album BTW. Christmas at home was fun. Whisky helped to keep the flu away. Got to see my sisters dogs puppies which are crossbreeds with bits of Staffs and Rotweilers in them. Very playfull sharp buggers they are. Went to a party where there was this cute lass who turned out to be 15. Jesus, caught myself just in time before I signed on the dotted line for the Dave Diamond club. Hehe. Went down to Worcester and Malvern with the folks. Did you know there's a tap in Malvern where you can fill up your bottles with Malvern spring water for free? Lovely quiet place it is. Went to a new years party where Mild was £1 a pint all night. They had a smart live band on with a pretty good lead guitarist. Some woman got up and started dancing behind him pretty close and just when he's doing his Eric Clapton's "Wonderfull Tonight" lick she unzips his trousers and pulls them down! Haha. All I recall is some cute lasses, getting up to dance with some, a tattoo, navel ring and then waking up in a caravan the next morning. The next day I was due to buy a mini city off my cousins mate who was a bent cop who works for Birmingham CID. Someone saw fit to steal it though so I had to go back to Middlesbrough and fix my old car and get it taxed. The Post Office said if a car is 25 years or older then it is tax exempt but what they don't tell you is it is the year of registration, plus 25 years so I have to wait till Jan 1st 1999 before my car is tax exempt. Bummer. £82.50 for 6 months tax. What is the world coming to? On the night we got back the folks went out for a few drinks and returned to discover that one of the puppies who was slightly ill had a bad case of puppy strangles and the mainge. We had to take it to the vets and as I was sober I was nominated driver only one problem, my car was in bits. My dad had recently bought a third car, a Triumph Acclaim and with no insurance I was told to drive my mum and puppy 10 miles down the road. First off, I'd like to point out that the indicators are on the wrong side of the steering column and the gears are too close together. Nothing like my 1973 Austin 1300 at all. After driving several hundred yards at 3mph I finally worked out 3 things. 1) how to turn off the windscreen wipers 2) How not to stall 3) That changing gears from 1 - 2 - 5 is not healthy and if you look closely there is a 3rd and 4th gear. Going from 5th back to reverse however is not advisable as the engine prefers to stay up front. We got there though and I practiced my 12 point turns in the car park while my mum took the puppy into see the vet. By the time she returned I was more confident and had figured a 1 point turn with the use of the handbrake was far easier. The puppy was given a 50-50 chance of living. Oh great. More good news. Once my car was fixed I set off for Ipswich late Sunday evening. Oh what great weather it was! I had to stop every few miles to reinsert my windscreen wiper blades which kept coming out of the sockets in the gale force winds and heavy rain. I finally made it in the late hours of the evening and after unloading my xmas presents (minus one chewed bean bag by the other puppy) I plonked myself down in a chair with a couple of beers and watched some quality TV. $fff|1-Idle Chatter $ff4Now that I'm not buying another car I've decided to treat myself to some new gear. A PSX sounds like a good idea. The 1002 model seems ideal but I'm informed otherwise. I'll just have to see what's available. A new PC is definetly on the cards. A K6 at 200MHz+ looks tasty with some DIMM memory and a few gig hard drive space. Maybe even a 3D graphics card? My cousin just got back from Malaysia with some rather tasty VCDs that are about £2 over there. They played pretty well on his P166 laptop and P133 desktop PCs. We should definetly look into VCDs and maybe DVDs in the next issue of the Word so if you consider yourself an expert, write in! I've been going anime mad lately. Well, more than usuall. With over 250 titles now and still more to get you can say I like anime/manga a bit. I'm still on the lookout for new contacts though. Hmm.. I really better go upload this issue before more people start moaning.. $fff end