|1-A review of one of Britain's funniest Comics..



|2-Chubby Brown







|1-Live At The Sands.



Saturday 13th January 1996
Ticket Price £12.50
Time 7.30pm

|1-Reviewed By CANADA/G$P



What  a  better  start  to  the  new  year,a  chance  to see Chubby "FAT
BASTARD"Brown,live  and  unadulterated.   From the title you'd expect to
his  Fatship  was  playing  a  venue  at a coastal region, but the Sands
Centre  is  in fact Carlisle premier venue for Bands and live acts.  (If
you  don't  know  where  Carlisle  is  basically it's on the arse end of
Scotland The Border City).

The two nights at Carlisle were a sell-out and you could not get tickets
for  love nor money though if some blonde headed nympho had offered me a
night of rampant sex I might have given her my ticket!  So conclude what
you will Chubby is very popular up here in the North.

The  show  started  promptly  at  7.30PM  with  a reasonable band called
"Tring-A-Ling"  which have been backing Chubby for a few months, in this
his  latest  tour  playing cover versions of classic hits from the theme
music  of Hawaii Five-0 to the Lambarda, after half an hour the audience
had  warmed up in the preparation of seeing the "Fat Bastard" but to our
surprise we had a fifteen minute break for a cigarette/pint or a piss.

And finally the moment arrived, quarter past eight with smoke loud music
and  either  side  of  the  stage  two  screens showing pictures of baby
Chubbs!!   (Not  a  pretty  Sight)  to  full  grown adult "FAT CUNT." He
appeared  much  to  our  approval,  and  after taking a minute or two of
adulation he told up we were a bunch of BASTARDS.  This was the first of
many  expletives  that  we  were going to be treated to tonight.  He was
dressed  in his normal trademark attire multicoloured quilted jacket and
trousers  with  moccosin  type  slippers  and finally his flying leather
helmet  and  goggles.  After greeting Carlisle he was off, a plethera of
profanity and laughter.  If you weren't listening you'd miss a couple of
jokes,  he  told  us  when he started that he wasn't racialist, he hated
everybody!   so  the  nigger  jokes  and paki jokes erupted (too many to
quick  to retell), we were steered thru a summary of 1995 which included
a tele phone call to HRH the Queen which went along the line of this:-

LIZ?   Yeah  it's  me  Chubbs!   She's  got the chip pan on!  he told us
laughter  exploded  as we were treated to a volley of facial expressions
the  sketch  concluded  with  Chubby  asking  if  the  Queen had watched
Panarama with Di?  "The Fucking Twat Hung -Up!!!  This is only a snippet
of  the conversation I honestly can't remember it all.  Then there where
the brilliant one liners like:

You  know  why  women  have  two  sets of LIPS so that they can moan and
fucking  piss  at  the same cunting time!!, and I went out with a midget
once  the  only  problem  was  she  kept tripping over the string to her
TAMPON.  The one to come out every time you have a argument with a woman
is the same old shit one "You couldn't have babies the pain would be too
much  for  you  men".  "FUCK OFF", he exclaimed "Women have never caught
there  cocks  in a zip, you'll only ever do that fucking once I can tell
you!!!"  Then  at  a hundred miles an hour he told us a very funny story
which was made up of just film titles it lasted two of three minutes and
it  was  side  splittingly  funny  and very clever it brought a standing
ovation  from  the  crowd when he finished.  He then used a prop (a suit
case  which he brought from Fred West) when opened out popped a skeleton
after  that  he  started  talking  about  adverts from the telly and the
really  useless Guiness ad you know the one where theres a Pint standing
on  a  stool and this guy walks and dances around it.  Chubby treated us
to his version cue music and the FAT BASTARD jumped, leaped and strolled
around  this  pint  it was funny due to his size and weight after he was
absolutely  shagged  out.  He told us to talk amongst ourselves while he
recovered  which  he  did with a pint of lager downed the bastard in TEN
seconds.

With  Chubby  no-one is safe.  He had a go at the Water companies during
last  summers drought telling every one how much stronger the "BREW" was
in the Pubs.  The abuse and profanity rolled on and the evening began to
draw  to  a  close  we  were  treated  to  a medley of his Greatest hits
concluding  with  Who  The FUCK is Alice?  which was warmly received and
the  audience  participation  sing back to him at the choruses.  Then as
abruptly as he started he finished.

I enjoyed the evening as did the rest of the crowd giving him a standing
ovation.   Encore  Encore, More More were the chants but the FAT BASTARD
never  did.   On  the way home I noticed how my jaw and sides ached from
laughing,  there  was  only  one  disappointment that Chubby was only on
stage  for  seventy  minutes  for  my money I was expecting at least two
hours for my money.

There  was all the Chubby merchandising, badges, pens, T-shirts and live
music tapes all priced above normal shop prices.

Chubby appeals to me with his direct and obscene humour, he won't appeal
to  everyone  but  then  the  choice  is yours to go and see him or not?
Chubby  will  always have a huge following and a certain notoriety so if
you  get  the  chance  go and see him it will be an evening to remember.
Chubby  told  us  that  he  is appearing in Blackpool this coming summer
season so if your bold enough you could go and see him.

And now I'll give you some further insight into this FAT BASTARD...

|1-20 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT CHUBBY......



1. BORN IN GRANGETOWN BACK TO BACK IN THE OUTSIDE BOG.

2. PAID  EIGHT  QUID FOR HIS FIRST CAR (WENT HALVES WITH A MATE) WENT TO
   BORSTAL FOR IT AS IT WAS KNOCKED OFF!!

3. TAUGHT HIMSELF PIANO, BANJO AND GUITAR.

4. NEARLY  DROWNED  IN  MALTA  1975 CAR WENT UPSIDE DOWN IN THE SEA (HIS
   FRIEND DIED).

5. BROKE BOTH HIS LEGS IN A MOTORBIKE ACCIDENT IN 1963.

6. JOHN LENNON ONCE ASKED HIM WHERE HE COULD GET A CUP OF TEA.

7. VOTED TOP CLUBLAND COMIC FOUR YEARS ON THE TROT.

8. ONCE HE AND HIS MANAGER CLIMBED OUT OF A CLUB WINDOW AFTER A RIOT.

9. HIS FIRST MANAGER DIED OF A HEART ATTACK AGED 45.

10.FIRST TIME HE HAD SEX WAS ON HIS OWN (A WANK).

11.HIS GRANDAD WAS A CRANE DRIVER AND HE LIVED UNTIL HE WAS AGED 91.

12.CAN'T EVER REMEMBER BEING UNDER SIXTEEN STONE.

13.HE WAS ONCE A CHOIRBOY AT GRANGETOWN METHODIST CHURCH.

14.WAS TOLD BY A SOLDIER TO GET OFF THE BERLIN WALL IN 1972.

15.JOINED  THE  NAVY,CAUGHT  MALARIA  IN  AFRICA,WAS  AIRLIFTED  FROM  A
   MERCHANT SHIP TO HOSPITAL.

16.HE  HAS  ENTERTAINED PASSENGERS ON THE QE2, THE TOP BRASS AT SCOTLAND
   YARD  IN  A  TENT  AT  MORECOMBE!  AND LITTLEWOODS POOLS WINNERS ON A
   FERRY ON THE THAMES, TO NAME A FEW.

17.HE'S GOT A LTTLE DICK.

18.WHEN ON THE ROAD HE USES TWO SEVEN AND A HALF TON TRUCKS.

19.MIDDLEBOROUGH SUPPORTER SINCE 1955.

20.HE'S A FAT OLD CUNT.

And that my friends concludes this article take care till next time.

                               CANADA G$P

Written Tuesday 16th January 1996

End