442 By Phil!94 / DF. -------------- Yes dammit! There's conspiracies all around you! You think you're safe in your bed with your cosy maximum tog continental quilt but there's no escape! Its all done deliberately - you can be sure of it. You may be sceptical at the moment but just clasp yer visual-tackle on some of these eerily-familiar-scenario-type-situations.. You'll be joining the Conspiracy Resistance Action Plan Society before you can say "Just because you're paranoid, dont mean there's no kipper-cut ties in yer wardrobe." CASE NUMBER 1 - The Great 'Take Hart' Art Scam. ----------------------------------------------- Yes,it seemed like a harmless kids art program with an amiable presenter and a gallery type section. But stop, think long and hard - dont you remember those immortal words... "We're sorry - we cant return your pictures, but there is a prize for any that are shown".. Think deeper.. Why couldnt they just say "Send a SAE to get yer picture back??" The answer is clear: There was a good chance that the people who sent in artwork would one day become famous artists.. Their work would become immensly valuable. I have it on good authority that the BBC has a Hanger 17 type archive of all the drawings sent into the program. None were thrown away.. That shit splodge of a dinosaur you drew when you were 3 years old is still in the BBC's vaults just waiting for you to become a top international graphician so the BBC can sell it at Christie's for a fortune. Indeed. CASE NUMBER 2 - Governments Pro-Road Policy goes Subliminal. ------------------------------------------------------------ Have you noticed a strange fact about bus stops??? What is it about them that makes them attract, no, not just people but.. DOG SHIT. Perhaps you put it down it a simple coincidence... Maybe you thought that it was obvious: People with dogs will be waiting around and the dogs are bound to evacuate their bowels at some stage during the long wait for the number 11??? THINK AGAIN, FRIEND! Make no mistake, the government is to blame with its thinly-veiled 'pro-car, anti-public transport' policy. It is a fact that the government secretly dispatches laxitive-dosed dogs to strategic areas of cities during the early hours of the morning. Bus stops are sprayed with an attractant hormone which makes the dog suddenly and uncontrollably shit its whack. This of course sends the potent subliminal message to bus travellers.. "Get a car - crush the cloth-cap pro-public-transport commie scum". CASE NUMBER 3 - Ticking disks and The Amiga-Scene. -------------------------------------------------- Pah! Tish and tosh! You may well say. So you think the Government's influence goes only as far as FAST??? How naive a thought.. The scene is thought of as a dangerous cult by the powers that be. They believe us be a closed society, our aims subversive and anarchic. Bold words mate, you might be saying. Perhaps you're not convinced. It goes deeper.In fact at this present time THEY are trying to diminish our numbers. So how are they doing it? A cunningly simple system, maybe you've even come across it: Yes, the humble 3.5" disk... Such a clever ploy, but one with such deadly sanity-destroying potential.. An ex-employee of Matsatsuma Media, told me directly that an unknown source had instructed them to specifically design and manufacture cheap DSDD 3.5" disks which inexplicably contract read errors on track 79 after a few minutes use. These cheap bulk disks were flooded into the Amiga market where a high level would find their way into AMIGA-FREAKS hands. The stress and sheer piss-you-off quality of disks that copy up to track 79 and then start clanking-an-a-banging has already caused several members to quit the scene on mental health grounds... A terrifying weapon in a silent war. CASE 4 - The Incredible truth behind disappearing socks. -------------------------------------------------------- Yes, you load them into your washing machine as normal, there is no way they can escape past the fluff filter and yet they mysteriously vanish. Strikes a familiar chord - doesnt it?. However, we feel we are close to cracking this particular enigma and if so the truth is stranger than fiction... Our findings suggest that the washing wachine powder manufacturers are in cahoots with the sock makers, very much so we fear. Our analysts have discovered a particular ingredient in some makes of powder that specifically targets an enzime found in guffy socks. A chemical reaction produces a high valancy organic acid (positively charged ions too) that in effect dissolve the entire sock - Never to be seen again. Of course, a hoard of one-legged aliens could be beaming them up but it seems unlikely as we have never heard the "sheriinnnggzz" sound that accompanies such a beam-up on Star Trek. So we approached the head honcho at Persil manufacturers,Lever Brothers. Unfortunately, there was some confusion and a remark about being out to lunch. We would have phoned back later but nobody had any loose change. Terrifyingly stories all, but ones that we are familiar with. And yet, people are oblivious to the fact that we are all being controlled & manipulated by these goddamn assholes every single day of our lives. We must resist, we must scream and shout in rage against these powers until REAL freedom and democracy prevails! Or buy more jelly beans. Our underground think-tank requires your help. We have several disturbing new "Observations" that require enquiring and cynical minds to crack. Please tackle these teasers. 1. Why is it that one knee in a pair of jeans always wears out many moons in advance of the other? What is to blame? Wind vortexs? Some form of binary communication by microscopic fabric aliens? 2. What is the evil thinking behind the placement of the most hideously impractical and unusable toilet paper in school bogs? Are mischievous gremlins secretly substituting tracing paper for kitten soft arse- cleanser??? 3. Is there a connection between the JFK conspiarcy and the subtle, yet all too persistant blue colour of belly button fluff? If you can help crack these frightening conspiracies write to C.R.A.P.S at NFA HQ with your solutions. And rememer: Pananoia is just a heightened form of alertness. Isnt that right Dr. Krapotkin?...