Review of MEMORABILIA `96 - NEC BIRMINGHAM 9th/10th March 1996 On the 10th March 1996, my brother and I moseyed on down to the NEC at Birmingham to attend what was reportedly to be a great event. It took us about an hour and a half, from Sheffield, well it actually seemed like less, as we cut a spectacular sight bombing down the M1 in my brothers yellow Fiat Cinquecento Sporting (with full body kit !) at 100mph. A few Reps in Mercs had a shock I can tell you. I must just add that this trip was mainly for my brothers interest, as I was full of cold with a sore throat too. Upon arriving at the NEC, we were directed to a car park, which said `Parking £3.50`, although no money was asked for, so I thought due to it being a Sunday, it was free. I could see the halls in the distance, and was expecting a long walk, when up rolled several luxury coaches to convey the attendee`s to the NEC halls. Full marks so far. After a five minute journey, we departed the coaches and I was a bit narked that there were no Gladiators about. Simon, my brother, slapped me on the forehead and commented Memorabilia is at Hall 7. As we walked along the vast foyer, we passed Crufts, and a Kitchen Exhibition, which was called something like `The Ideal Kitchen Exhibition`. I overheard a family grumbling that it was a rip off as they were led to believe it was `The Ideal Home Exhibition`. The que outside Hall 7 was quite small, considering Memorabilia had only been open for about 15 minutes. We paid our entrance fee, and proceeded into the Hall. I noticed a poster at the entrance saying `Apologies for The Prisoner mini-moke not being present due to being involved in a Car Accident on the way here`. Once inside, the hall was about aircraft hanger size, which is what I was expecting, but I thought there would be more stalls, and more props on display. The stalls filled about three quarters of the hall, and it was a case of `spot the prop`. My brother and I decided to adopt a zig zag strategy, weaving up and down through the stalls in order to see everything. I was in splendid attire wearing my Red Dwarf jacket (the one with the leather sleeves, not the cheapy one !) I was on the lookout for Red Dwarf stuff, especially a copy of the US Red Dwarf pilot, I thought it may have been released in the USA on video, and someone may have (14m : 1 chance) imported some copies to sell, how wrong I was. Maybe with 5 million viewers seeing the recent repeats, and the videos selling thousands, surely it would be a sound investment for the BBC to buy it, and sell it in the UK on video ? As we meandered down the aisles of the stalls, stocked high with all sorts of memorabilia, such as trading cards, trading cards, and more trading cards, it became apparent that this event was not all it cracked up to be. To be fair, there was a good stock of old toys, such as Dapol Daleks with eyestorks missing, old Pop memorabilia, Sci-Fi models, garage kits, a good mixture of what you would expect to find, and trading cards. Sixty percent of the stalls must have had trading cards of one sort or another for your perusal. I mean, come on, you have to be some sort of sad weirdo to swap bits of cardboard with pictures on. You can always spot a trading card enthusiast, as you can always hear them mutter `it must have the original silver foil edges and wrapping, it`s not worth nearly as much if you do not have silver foil around it, or the original package`. Who gives a smeg ! Bring back Top Trumps is what I say, these trading cards aren`t a patch on Top Trumps; first child `my airplanes front tyre air pressure is 24`, second child `ahh beat you, my airplanes front tyre air pressure is 25`. At the end of the first aisle, there were three props from Dr Who. A sea monster (not Sea Devil) I could not recall the name of, an Axon, and an Ice Warrior. They looked like copies actually, as the Axon looked just too good than when I remembered watching it on Claws of Axos. We also spotted what was reportedly the actual Liberator used in Blake 7. SFX Magazine had some Alien props, about three, and they were selling the official licenced `built to order` non-movable Daleks at £1495. I think that was about it as far as props went. Reportedly Lloyd Grossman was to visit as he is doing a show for the BBC on peoples hobbies or something, he probably was there on the Saturday. However, Ingrid Pitt was available to sign autographs, a star of many a Horror Film. I caught a glimpse of her, so at least I saw someone famous, still miffed about not seeing a Gladiator though (). After a look at every stall, and a quick burger and chips for dinner, Simon wanted another look round, before we called it a day. He is interested in Sci Fi models, the resin type etc. It was at this point I decided to play spot the Red Dwarf merchandise. We also invented a good game of spot the envious person. I would walk about three metres in front of Simon, and he would see how many people would gawp at my cool RD jacket (the one with the leather sleeves, have I mentioned this already ?). Simon found a stall run by Creatures Unlimited, where we once visited the owners sea front villa (?!) at Southend, and he looked round a few other stalls selling Sci-Fi models, but nothing took his fancy. Except one stall which was selling the new Star Trek Voyager kits at £24.99. He grumbled something rather loudly so that others could here `you can get them from Sheffield Space Centre for £17.99, I`m not buying one from here, too expensive`. Well, he`s like that, subtle as a smeg- hammer. I, in my endeavours, was having a torid time. I spotted a fair few vintage Dalek games, and a `Battle on Hoth` Star Wars diorama that we used to have when it first came out. I finally spotted a Red Dwarf Tee-Shirt. Dum Dum Der (drum roll), and it was the Smeg Head one at £12. Oh. I also managed to find a Red Dwarf 5 video, for £6. The only things I nearly bought were a signed video of Return to Devils End, (The Dr Who cast of the Daemons returning to the stories location) at £30, and an end of season party X-Files blooper tape, obviously `dodgy`, but I dare not ask how much it cost. After two and a half hours we decided to depart. Quite a disappointing event. I discovered that the £3.50 parking fee needed to be paid so that they would let you out of the car park, and the `luxury coaches` had turned into one, which took about twenty minutes to arrive. As we bombed back up the M1 at 100mph, (do not attempt to try this kiddies, unless you have a mad younger brother) we reflected on the event, my brother gave it a resounding five out of ten, whilst I was less than generous, and wished we had gone to the All Formats (meaning only PC) Computer show at Doncaster Racecourse. The End, as they say. Julian Smith - Member No 01323 (I think). 45 Maplecroft Crescent Wincobank South Yorkshire S9 1DN End.