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ƒ:T H E   T Y P I C A L   A U S T R I A Nƒ1
P A R T   I I
Written by ƒ:COON-O of MANITOUƒ1


Chapter 2  : T h e   T y p i c a l   A u s t r i a n
             i n   F I L M S

Category A : T h e   T y p i c a l   A u s t r i a n 
             i n   "V I E N N A - F I L M S"


In  the  fifties,  when people needed something to laugh about after the cruel
Second  World  War,  many  commedies were made in Austria.  Such films seem to
have  their  renaissance  nowadays,  because  especially the German private TV
channels show many of them.

In  those  films every Austrian is from Vienna.  Yes, the action is always set
in  Vienna,  none  of them is about any other part of Austria.  I am not sure,
but  I  think  that is because Vienna was a symbol of Austria´s rehabilitation
after  the  War.  Or it´s just because only directors from Vienna had a chance
those days, I don´t know.

I  such  films the typical Austrian is either a poetical, always singing young
man,  who  is  in  love with a fine, faithful, opera-singing girl; or an a bit
bad-tempered,  old  man, whose favourite hobbies are drinking wine and singing
hymns on Vienna and songs about young people´s love (Hans Moser).


Category B : T h e   T y p i c a l   A u s t r i a n
             i n   "H O M E L A N D - F I L M S"


In  these  "(sentimental)  films  with  a  regional background" (even I have a
dictionary!) the typical Austrian lives up in the mountains, and has no better
things  to  do  than hunting, watching chamoises and edelweisses, and yodeling
all  day  long  (Note  from  ED.:  Hey, are you talking 'bout me?).  A typical
Austrian  is  either huntsman, farmer, or priest (the ones, girls from the big
town  usually fall in love with).  Hobbies of the typical Austrian are chasing
poachers,  yodeling,  or  saving girls from the big town from poachers, bears,
deers,  rockfall,  avalanches, edelweiss, or atomic bombs, and then falling in
love  with  them.  The typical Austrian is very naive, especially the children
(you are a child up to the age of 25!).

The  Austrian  tourism-branche does everything to keep up this mountain-farmer
image  of  us Austrians, because this seems to be the main reason why tourists
come to our country.  PUER AUSTRIA!

WHAT WE LEARNED IN THIS CHAPTER:

The highest aim of every Austrian is to become exporteur for Mozart-balls!

I  want  to say once again that I´m still a patriot, and proud to be Austrian,
but  when I hear what slimy shit pissheads like Jörg Haider say, I am close to
pack my suitcases and emmigrate to Greenland!  PUER AUSTRIA!

I am, as always, waiting for your reactions, dear readers!

Wait for next issue´s chapter 3, "THE AUSTRIAN´S RACISM AND FASCISM".


Written by COON-O of ENERGY


Note from EDITOR:
Ahhh...   thanx  for  your  all-the-time great "Typical Austrian" articles!  I
love  them!   And hey, all you millions of readers out there :  Write what you
think about Austria, or how YOUR typical Austrian does look alike? 

"Oba  jetzt  schnö in de Leda-Hosn, Burschn!  Und aufi zum Bauan...  a frische
Mühli hoin!"

Don't  try  to  understand  the  last  sentence, dear millions.  It's just for
Austrians!…