LAMER (OHNO!) çddf,faa,afa,aaf,faf,ffa,aff ¾Another LAMER article? ²---------------------- ¹Yep, even I get bored about every issue going on about lamers. But, here's the actual real living proof of what's actually lame. Not just a stereotyped description of THE LAMER, but a Lamer who happened to be, my own (half!) brother. It al started when he was five. The neighbour's dog bit him and he ever after, weirdly foamed at the mouth. Now it all is even worse. He has got really great equipment for making professional VCR-Tapes, but all he does is playing games and taping them. Or ripping OUR util-packs and replace OUR names with his. Or rips pix and sfx with his Action Replay (The sign of the beast, err... lamer.) (Axion Replay sux, it thought my RAD: disk was a Virus! So he killed it! Arrgh! Lamers designed it, or Satan that's for sure. Err.. about Satan, he's the neighbour's dog actually, not anybody you know or something. Satan bit Fiesta's dick off, we thought.) Fiesta is that lame, that he gets average girlie HAM pix from the PD and then converts them to 32 colours to save disk space! AArg watch out for Fiesta's ultimate Crap-O-Vision Badly Digitized Stupid Girls Undressed That Don't Know About One Zillion Horny Lamers Jerking Off All Over Their Computer While Their Parents Err... Don't Know. Without Pants On. (Which is the worst part, believe me. You don't want to see Fiesta without pants on. Or for that matter, nobody wants to see Fiesta at all.) Well the rest he's doing is clear, he hacks into AMOS games that use Iff pics and puts his name in every unprotected program and does, ¶believe it or not, make one-disked versions. He doesn't know how to Assign, and he first packs a program and then replaces all 'DiskB' assigns to 'DiskA' using a diskreader. BUT! He has packed the thing first, so half of the assigns are wrong! He has tried to do one-disked versions for a year now. But until I told him what Assign does, he never could do it. ¹You Are A Sad Git Fiesta! We can tell you all the embarassing facts about Fiesta, such as that he got his handle from a wooden plane modelkit. (Which ought to fly, but horribly crashed. Killimg ten people and some animals.) Or that he tried to connect a 12-V light bulb to the 220V mains. Or that after he ran the electric lawnmower over the power lead, he tried to use his tongue to test wether there was electricity over the two broken parts of the lead. Luckily he didn't know how to connect the two wires, otherwise he would have been roasted alive, by his tongue! Well, and about the time his father threw a ball at him and he broke all his teeth, because he tried to head-butt it. With his mouth. Or about the stick that he got in his eye, while throwing it up in the air and watching it come down again. Or the time he tried to close a door, while his hand was still between the door and the doorpost. It really stains, Fiesta's blood. Every part of the house is sprayed by Fiesta's unvoluntary blood donations all over the place. It's just a matter of time before he gets killed because he tries to iron his trousers. Without taking them off first. ¶¹Well, the really lame stuff, we hav forgotten by now, this is more fun! Oh NO! We forgot the worst part! ¾The revenge of the Lamer! ¢- ¹the diary of the war heroes - ¾Day 1. ¹After sitting a while in Fiesta's room, Fiesta starts to look oddly at us. And to foam at the mouth. 'Outta me room. Outta me room' he yelled. We first thought Fiesta had taken some of our home-made supposed-to-be drug pills. We then thought that he was trying to test us, trying to do a fake fire-alarm test, but when he took his powerdrill, it all looked more seriously. 'It's my room, get out! Get out!' Looking at Fiesta's drill, we guessed we better could leave, before he would get into another accident. (His father always blames me for his stupid accidents, really!) ¾Day.2 ¹I woke up. There was no light. Power failure, I thought. Until I looked up to the wall, were a drill was coming through a hole in the wall. As it seemed, Fiesta succeeded in drilling in that little spot where the powerlines just happened to run along. Due to the shock, Fiesta got somewhat mutated, as it looked like. He was throwing all my swapping and computing stuff into my room. ¶¾Day.3 ¹Fiesta has foritified the room. We want to go inside. It doesn't work. We turn off the electricity (heheh!) and pull out his telephone connection, so he cant warn his father. ¾Day.4 ¹We, making a serious point here, have moved into the little 1 m3 closet where the main power switches are. Strange noises come from Fiesta's room which sounds like something we rather not discuss here. ¾Day.5 ¹We have taken Fiesta's air-pressured riot-gun from the cellar and some hairspray. We sprayed twenty gallons of hairspray through the keyhole into Fiesta's room. Gurgling and choked noises were coming from the room. Dutchie kicks in the door, which happened to be open already. 'Major bummer', as Fiesta was standing behind the door. We looked down at the body, pieces of what looked like pale pinkish stuff (brains!) come dripping out of Fiesta's ear. ¾Day.6 ¹Fiesta doesn't seem to be dead anymore. He presumably didn't need his brain at all. You see, powerdrilling into the mains does seem to pay off to some people. We walk into the room and... Fiesta says 'Outta me room!' ¹This story repeated for about six times, until Dutchie went even more insane and left the room taking all ¶çddf,faa,afa,aaf,faf,ffa,aff ¹equipment with him. Feista came back and took 99% of the stuff with him. Leaving only a A500 and a Monitor and mouse behind.We are now preparing the Semtex bomb we are supposed to put in his food, so if he tries to microwave it, he'll explode quite funny. Never read something like that in the papers. Ugly little brat killed by exploding microwave. ¾How to keep the lamers away: ²-¹ Tell them you have some REALLY good drugs and send him home with a bottle of horse's laxative. ²-¹ Give him a disk which has a small bomb connected to it, which blows when it is inserted in any drive. ²-¹ Show him a nude picture of your granny. ²-¹ Let him have a go at your sister, providing she has all V.D's currently known to man. ²-¹ Kill him. Just do it! ²-¹ Sell him to a slaves merchant. ²-¹ Carbomb his house. ²-¹ Sell him during your bi-annual carboot sale to a crazy person that lives somewhere FAR away from your place. ²-¹ Let him eat whatever it is what your mother has prepared this time. (For instance macrobiotic cowbrains with amnesia, or freshly ¶¹ harvested pig's do. You know, like going to the toilet and 'doing' your thing. No not jerking off you idiiot!) ¹Now if he ain't dead, he must be Fiesta or Satan. (Yes, the neighbour's little cute Rotweiler doggie.) ¢ Dutchie & ICE / ChA0s Ç09