<>@2 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= *4@5 GRAPEWINE 3 *3]5@6 (created by) MSC / A51 (script & adaptions by) Converse / A51 *1]1@2 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- @1 ]5 Now with reduced entertainment (and I'm not kidding):- ]1 Yo! Pizza here, this (late) issue of GrapeWine is brought to you in association with LCD and Esther Rhansen. This issue, we decided to make more technical, as we've received several letters telling us that we're not technical enough. We've kept this in mind lately and as a result, we've decided to change our name to something which will strike the reader as being technical. We've decided to call our group: *4@5 CUMANA *1@1 Well, it was a toss between Commodore and Cumana. So we chose Cumana. ]5(Good choice-Ed.)]1 @7 -+- @1 This month, Watchdog takes a look at the scene and asks coders why they insist on putting spinning cubes in their demos. We've also got Geek of N.A.F in here to explain the inner workings of your Amiga. He'll be answering such technical questions like: ]5"How does the little mouse inside the computer make 4 noises at once?"]1 Find out more in Geek's section. Nev will also be here to answer some of your letters. But beware, I think he's mixed up some of the replies to your letters. Over to Watchy... @7 -+- @1 Helluuuu and welcome! This issue I'm here with several "top" coders to ask them just why they insist on putting spinning cubes in their demos. First of all, I asked Col of Boll-X why they use cubes: @3 Watchy: So Col, why the spinning cubes? @4 Col: Eh? I don't ever include pictures of spinning animals in my stuff. Let alone cubs. @3 Watchy: Doh, I said ]3CUBES]1 not cubs. @4 Col: Oh, sorry, my technical superiority over all, put together with my genius skills in all manner of subjects was... erm... @3 Watchy: Wrong? @4 Col: Err yeah. Aaanyway, we use spinning cubes because we can't really draw much else, let alone code the stuff properly. @3 Watchy: Right, okay, next I asked Bazza from Fairbright why he uses spinning cubes. @4 Bazza: Well, ya see it's to prepare them for when they move on to the scouts, ya see. They'll be running around in circles all the time, ya see. @3 Watchy: Sheesh, this just isn't working.... I quit. @1 Over to Pizz I think... @7 -+- @1 Hi fans, it's me.... again. Erm... shit... I can't think of anything to say, so I'll pass it over to Geek of N.A.F. @7 -+- @1 Yo N.A.F fans! This issue I'm gonna tell you all just how your dear Amigas work in response to your letters: @5Q. Dear Geek, how does the sound work in the Amiga and where does it come from? @6A. Well, you see, there are four mice who are a well known pop band. They handle all of the Amigas sound. Each one of them sings the notes that people lay out in trackers. @5Q. So Geek, how do these mice produce sounds effects as found in chip mods? @6A. Well, chip music is played by the mice farting in sync with a beat, which a mouse produces by beating it's chest repeatedly. @5Q. Okay, so the sound comes from mice. But how do the graphics work? @6A. Ah, this is quite complex, but graphics are displayed on a monitor by little ants which are specially trained to dip their arses in different coloured ink and then jump up to certain parts of the monitor. @5Q. So what's this Chunky mode thing all about then? @6A. Well, sometimes the mice get hungry and they tend to eat the ants. The latter result is that the mice get fat, therefore giving the name "Chunky". @5Q. How is a crash caused? @6A. This is when all the ants are eaten and the mice are so stuffed that there's nothing left to run the machine. @5Q. Oh, well... Erm... Why does the hard drive make a funny noise all the time? @6A. Coz the mice use a special tiny peddle in order to make the drive spin, but sometimes, when all the ants have been eaten up, the mice tend to eat the hard disk. This often corrupts the data on the drive as well as making a small chomping sound. @5Q. Are you lying about these answers? @6A. Yes. @5Q. Why? @6A. Back over to Pizza me thinks... @7 -+- @1 Pizza: Over to Nev... @7 -+- @1 Nev: Over to Watchy... @7 -+- @1 Watchy: Over to Pizza... @7 -+- @1 Pizza: Err, hi........ Over to Nev... @7 -+- @1 Hi Nev here. I'm back to answer your quessies on technical matters: ]5Dear GrapeWine,]1 I've been planning on producing my own diskmag, but I've hit a slight technical hitch. I'm illiterate and have no hands. ]5Nev replies:]1 Ahh, I see your problem, I often have problem with the lighting in my room too, but all I can say is that you should try a 100 watt bulb and open your eyes wider. ]5Dear GrapeWine,]1 I was wondering if you could help me, I have my computer downstairs and have trouble seeing the keys on the keyboard at night, it just isn't bright enough in here. ]5Nev replies:]1 Hmm, might I recommend you buy a book about producing diskmags and maybe employ someone to type your stuff out. ]5Dear GrapeWine,]1 I have an Amstrad CPC 464, but for some reason I can't get the damn thing to multitask, what should I do? ]5Nev replies:]1 Bin it! @7 -+- @1 Yo! Pizza back here, I've decided to cut the letters a bit short seeing as how dozy Nev's muddled the replies up. All's that's left to say is hi to the following groups and guys:- *3@5 Vinnie/Space Cocks- Try switchin' yer computer on next time mate! Pike Richmond/Indi- Yo dude, keep that aquarium a' floatin' dude. Deck Chair's a ripped/N.A.F- Howz things in Blackpool mate?! Pineapple/Lemon- Talk about mixed fruits dude! Bob/Public Sector- Yo! *1@7 -+- @1 ]5This months issue of GrapeWine was brought to you in association with Cumana, brewers of fine brown ale. Now piss orf.