|1-Phil!96


           Ponders the mysteries of this and other worlds...
            (Purile, idle wafflings for The Word more like.)

    Have  you  ever  noticed  that in a lot of sci-fi films / shows, the
supposedly  highly  advanced  aliens  with  incredibly  complex  craft /
weapons  are in fact plodding, clumsy lumps of cack without the faintest
look  of  the  dexterity which would be required to construct or operate
such  technical  marvels.   I  mean,  how  often have we seen 3 fingered
aliens  with  suckers  /  claws and the like??  You couldnt wipe yer ass
with that!...

    Yes, I'm glad I dont program on the PC..  Shit, can you imagine it -
every  time you test run a routine and the machine crashes - you have to
reset  and  sit through a 2 minute re-boot.  I work in a repair-shop for
PCs  and  we  get  to  see  some of the fastest PCs around and even with
Pentium  166's,  from  power  on  through memory count to starting MSDOS
still  takes  eons,  let  alone getting into Windoze.  And Windoze 95???
Its  back  to  the days of "Put the kettle on, have a cup of tea, a four
course meal and a crap whilst the software loads"..

    Hmmmm...I  wonder  if  billposters  are actually put up to help stop
people  going  nuts  with  the monotony of the bus journey to work every
day..   The thinking being that the subtle changes to the landscape here
and  there  are  enough  to  cause  the odd neuron to fire in the brain,
keeping  it from going totally spongiform..  Talking of which, is Oxtail
soup  still  available?  Oxtail surely equals Cow Spinal Tract, and with
the offal ban firmly in place...
 
    "Then the brakes!" as a speech sample used to say at the end of each
level  on some old Megadrive game..  Or at least thats what I thought it
said.   Remember  Forgotten  Worlds'  muffled  "Did you find the guy?"..
Yes,  weird.  Jonah Barringtons squash on the Spectrum was the best one:
It  featured REPROSOUND, "To allow your computer to accurately reproduce
the  human  voice  without additional hardware"..  Whats the scores then
Jonah?  "ZZZzzsss - Zzzzsss"..  Oh, right.

    And  why  is  it  when you run yer knackers off to catch a bus thats
overtaking  you  on  the  way  to  the  bus-stop,  once  you  get on, it
invariably  sits  there  for  another  3  minutes  to make up time..  Or
conversely,  when you are in a hurry and about to get off, the bus waits
for  ages at the stop before the one you want..  We all know it happens,
at least I do..  And, well, thats yer lot!

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