@7Crap corner:    @3Log's view on - things you bung in your Amiga
                ---------------------------------------------
@5
 Yes, I know I said cheese last month, but I decided on something a teeny

bit more relevant.
 
 Expansions, upgrades, whatever, are the little widgets ( occasionally 

bloody huge widgets ) that you try to cajole into your miggy's various 

orifices.

#4  NONE OF THEM FIT.@5<-Please flash in a stupidly bright colour.(O.K-Ed)

 I got 1MEG of memory for my A600 for Christmas. It should easily fit in

my trapdoor. It does not. It needs the strength of an elephant and titanium
 
fingers to get the sod in without ripping your hands to shreds. And all the

time you don't want to force it because it says                 #4More>>>

@5
 THIS BOARD IS FRAGILE AND CAN BE DAMAGED BY :-
@3 Your socks

 Any electrical source less than 3 miles away

 Exposure to air of over 0.15% humidity

 Cold places

 Hot places

 The gravitational field of the shifting stars

 Touching it while not earthed, standing on warm peat and completely naked.

 Reading the small piece of paper with one side of instructions you got 

 with it.
@5
 Anyway, why haven't I seen the upgrades I really want, like the AGA

chipset for my 600? Now they've sussed how to get around its cunning

'welded completely together' architecture by simply gluing things #4More>>>
@5
to it, how long will this take? Clever thinking like this could produce an

amazing machine. By chainsawing apart and gluing together my old C64, a

pocket calculator and a speak'n'spell, I have produced a machine with the

power and speed of 42 Cray supercomputers, and the lifespan of an octopus

on Venus.

 If you want to run stuff like good raytracers you need one hell of a

speedy, MEG'ed up to the gills machine. But why do raytracers cost so much?

All they do is make nice pictures. Anyone want to buy my Advanced Micheal 

Jackson simulator for £399.99? It goes like this:

REPEAT

A=RND(3): PITCH=DOGWHISTLEHIGH : INCREMENT (SKINBRIGHTNESS,23)

IF A=0 THEN LYRIC$="Waaaaahaaaahahooooo"                        #4More>>>
@5
IF A=1 THEN LYRIC$="Eeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooow"

IF A=2 THEN LYRIC$="Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaawaweeeeeeee"

IF A=3 THEN LYRIC$="Hoooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

SONG=CRAP : EGO=223*10^9489 : PERSONALITY=(REALLY WEIRD)² 

SAY LYRIC$ : MONEY=MONEY*3

UNTIL STATUS=JAIL

It makes crappy songs that young girls buy to distract him in case he gets

'interested' in them as well. Yes, you too can own a piece of near-perfect

artificial intelligence by simply mortgaging your dog.

 Anyway, I had a good Christmas, if only for the comedy value of seeing my

cousin drink too much lager and throw up in the bog ( I didn't see that bit
 @5
though. I didn't want my stomach lining to go the same way. ) #4More>>>
@5
Here's a catchy little advertising slogan I thought of ( I want more 

honesty in adverts ) -
@5
SKOL - CRAP AND FIZZY BUT GETS YOU PISSED. AND MAKES YOU PISS. AND VOMIT

VIOLENTLY. AND FEEL LIKE DEATH IN THE MORNING. SPONSORED BY ALKA-SELTZER-

THE SMALL FIZZY TABLET THAT MAKES YOU FEEL A BIT BETTER. BUT NOT MUCH.

 Apart from that and my abduction by aliens, Christmas and New Year passed 

without much excitement and minimal bother, not counting the nasty rocket 

engine singes in the back garden. 

COMPETITION
 
 Hidden somewhere in this article is a sly subliminal message. If you can

spot it, E-mail me at 

 log@gullible.prat.zobtrousers                              #4More>>>
@5
 Leaving your name, address, times when your house is empty and any alarm 

systems you may have. 

 Next month, I will be looking at the dizzying world of the information

superhighway, and asking:

 Why do people use that phrase? It was invented by Dan Quail, Who spelt

potato with an 'e' on the end, instead of a x.
@5
 Oh, and by the way, I wasn't grinning in my chemistry exam, it was a 

facial tic caused by exposure to Moles questions. 

Goodbye.

        .edolpxe lliw uoy ro fa daeR