|1-An Irishmans letter to the D.H.S.S.


|1-On receipt of an A.I.D.S. leaflet.


                         By Trademark of Gazza

Dear Sir.

         I  have just received the A.I.D.S.  leaflet through my door,and
would like to apply straight away for A.I.D.S.

         I  have  been on the dole For then past 10 years, and have been
living  off  Suplementry Benefit and any other state aid I could get For
sex.  It's a pity that A.I.D.S.  has come so late, as I have 15 children
already, and was wondering If you gave back payments.

        Your  leaflet  states  the more sex I have the more likely it is
that  I  will  get A.I.D.S.  my only problem is persuading the wife, who
isn't  so  keen  after 15 children.  Several years ago I bought some sex
aids,  BUT she showed little interest, and they were hardly used.  Would
there be a refund of the £17.28 I spent on these gadgets?

        Anyway,  I  will  now explain to her that the Government will be
paying us For the sex we have, and I'm sure she will agree, after all we
can't let a chance like this slip by.

        You also state that I can pass my A.I.D.S.  on, BUT as you'll be
aware,  with a wife and 15 children to feed, there won't be much left to
pass on.  If by any chance  there is any left-over I will gladly pass it
on to my poor old mother-in-law, who only has her pension.

        I  understand  from your leaflet that I can get A.I.D.S.  from a
blood  transfusion, and I intend to write to my local hospital about one
straight  away.   will the A.I.D.S.  I get from the hospital be deducted
from  the  A.I.D.S.  I get from you?  Perhaps you could write and let me
know?

        I'm  a  firm  believer  in  getting  everything  I  can from the
Government.   I'm  sure you'll agree that after my past performance that
I'll qualify For this one.

        Could  you  tell  me how much I'll get paid each time, and if it
will be weekly or monthly payments?

Yours faithfully.

Shamus O'Toole