|1-101 Jokes to offend Almost Anyone!!!! Trademark of Gazza 1992 1) What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts this is no ordinary blow job! 2) What do you call a female clown? A clunt! 3) What's the difference between a nigger and a tyre? Tyre's do not sing when you put chains on them! 4) Did you here about the Irishman who asked to be a Johoves witness? He refused because he hadn't seen the accident! 5) Why do niggers carry shit in their wallets? For identification! 6) Did you hear about the queer who worked in a sperm bank? He was sacked for drinking on the job! 7) What's the perfect definition of a woman? a)She's 3 feet tall, has a round hole for her mouth, and her head is flat so you can put beer on it! b)The sports model has pull back ears and fold back teeth! c)The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turns into a 6 pack! 8) Why does Ray Charles smile all the time? He dosen't know he is black! 9) Did you hear about the gay burglar? He couldn't blow the safe so he went down on the elevator! 10) Did you hear about the gay Indian? He jumped into his canoe took 3 strokes and shot across the lake! 11) How do you get 4 gays on a bar stool? Turn it upside down! 12) Why don't black cheerleaders do the splits? If they did they would stick to the floor! 13) Why do blacks wear brimmed hats? To stop birds from shitting on their lips! 14) Why do blacks wear brimmed hats? To keep their knuckles from dragging on the floor! 15) What do elephants use as tampons? Sheep! 16) How do you say,"Fuck you" in Jewish? Trust me! 17) Define Jewish foreplay? 2 Hours of begging! 18) What do you get If you cross a nigger with Bo Derek? 10 of Spades! 19. Why don't the Irish eat pickles? They can't get their heads in the jars! 20. Why don't Italians eat flies? They can't get their little legs apart! 21. How do you get an Iraqi girl pregnant? Come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest! 22. Why did God make Urine yellow and Come white? So the Irish could tell If they were coming or going! 23. What has 6 legs and eats pussy? You, me and Billy Jean King! 24. What's the brown stuff between elephants toes? Slow natives! 25. What's better than roses on your piano? Two lips on your organ! 26. What do you get If you cross a nigger with a gorilla? A dumb gorilla! 27. What does it say inside a niggers lip? Inflate to 20 lb! 28. Did you here about the Irish parachute? It opens on impact! 29. Why do niggers have small steering wheels? So they can drive with their handcuffs on! 30. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven! 31. Why do Jews have such big noses? Air is free! 32. Why did the nigger trade in his wife for a toilet? The hole was bigger and the smell was better! 33. What did Adam say to Eve? "Stand back I don't know how big this thing gets!" 34. Why don't Italians have freckles? They slide off! 35. What is it when you're upto your knees with niggers? Afro Turf! 36. How do you stop a nigger from spitting? Turn the oven down! 37. What's old, wrinkled and smells like Ginger Rodgers? Fred Astaire's face! 38. What's yellow, ugly and sleeps alone? Yoke Ono! 39. How did they know that the Challenger astronauts had dandruff? They left their head n' shoulders all over America! 40) What weighs 10 lb. and wasn't plucked last Christmas? Roy Orbison's guitar! 41) Why don't they have black snow skiers? Their lips explode at 1,000ft.! 42) Where is an elephants sex organ? In it's feet, because if it steps on you your fucked! 43) How many blacks does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to change and 4 to hold the sound equipment! 44) Why are Ice Hockey goalkeepers and West Indian girls alike? They both change their pads after 3 periods! 45) What do you get if you cross a nigger with a monkey? Nowt. Monkeys are too intelligent to fuck a nigger! 46) Why does Nancy Reagan climb on top? Ronnie can only fuck up! 47) Why did God create the orgasm? So niggers would know when to stop fucking! 48) Why don't they make Ice cubes in Ireland? They lost the recipe! 49) What's a real mate? Someone who'll go into town, get 2 blow jobs, come back and give you one! 50) What's black and makes you laugh? A bus load of niggers going over a cliff! 51) How do you save a drowning nigger? Throw him an anchor! 52) What do you call an Irish girl with half a brain? Gifted! 53) Why do women have two holes close together? Incase you miss! 54) What do you call a beautiful girl in Poland? A tourist! 55) How can you tell if a woman is wearing underwear? Look for dandruff on here shoes! 56) Why don't niggers drive convertables? Their lips would flap in the wind and slap them to death! 57) What's the ultimate rejection? When you're wanking and your hand falls asleep! 58) How do you tell how many niggers live in a town? Count the windows of cellars and then multiply by 36! 59) How do you kill a West Indian? Smash the toilet seat over his head when he's taking a drink of water! 60) What happens to a Jew when he walks into a wall with an erection? He breaks his nose! 61) How many blacks does it take to pave a driveway? Depends on how thin you slice them! 62) What's the difference between a bowling ball and a black girl? You can only stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball! 63) How do you know if a barman is pissed off? You'll find a piece of string in your Bloody Mary! 64) Why is Italy shaped like a boot? You couldn't fit that much crap into a trainer! 65) Did you hear about Klu Klux Knieval? He tried to jump 12 niggers in a steam roller! 66) How does God make Puerto Ricans? He sandblasts niggers! 67) Did you hear about the homosexual who ran away from home? He didn't like the way he was being reared! 68) Why don't blacks have cheque books? It's hard to sign your name with spray paint! 69) What is organic dental floss? Pubic hair! 70) Why do blacks smell so bad? So the blind can hate them too! 71) Here are the 3 greatest lies: a)The cheque is in the post. b)Black is beautiful. c)I won't come in your mouth. 72) Why do women have two holes so close together? So you can carry them home like a 6 pack! 73) How do you brain-wash an Irishman? Give him an enema! 74) Why wasn't Christ born in the U.S.A.? They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin! 75) Why do the Irish wear hats? So they know which end to wipe! 76) An Irishman needs to have a urine test! He studied for 5 days! 77) Why did God give niggers big dicks? He fucked up their hair! 78) Why does Berti Bassett have A.I.D.S.? He went with allsorts! 79) What does A.I.D.S. Stand For? Arse Injected Death Sentence! 80) Did you hear about the W.Indian who had a hole put in his top lip? He couldn't see where he was going when he was whistling! 81) Did you hear about the Pakistani who was in hospital, he'd been eating KitiKat? His stomach was O.K. He'd hurt his neck licking his Arse! 82) Did you hear about the Irish punk rocker? He took the pin out of his nose.....his head exploded! 83) What would happen If you dropped a bomb on Pakistan? Nothing! They're all over here! 84) Why can't Pakistanis play soccer? Every time they got a corner they'd build a shop on it! 85) What two words do blind men hear most? Wrong hole! 86) What does an Ethiopian woman never say to her husband? "Eat me"! 87) What would Hitler have invented if he'd lived six months longer? A self-cleaning! 88) What's the difference between a whoopi cushion and Joan Rivers? A whoopi cushion is funny! 89) Why was the Irishman rushed to Hospital? He tried to drink a ship in a bottle! 90) How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving! 91) What's the best way to get rid of excess fat? Divorce him! 92) Thought for the Day: Why is the word Abbreviated so long! 93) What's the worst thing you can ask a lepper? To lend you a hand! 94) What is the difference between an Italian and a Pole pissing in the sink? The Pole takes the dishes out! 95) What did the doctor say to the nymphomaniac? Take two aspirins and bell me in the morning! 96) What does a prostitute and a door knob have in common? Everyone gets a turn! 97) What do a prostitute and a shot gun have in common? One cock and their ready to blow! 98) What does a prostitute and a pie in common? Everybody gets a piece! 99) What does a prostitute and a bus have in common? Everybody pays to get on! 100) What do prostitutes and railways have in common? They're spread all over! 101) What does a prostitute and an ice cream have in common? Everybody gets a lick!