We  are  all  in  need  of guidance at some point or other in our lives.
Taking this into consideration, I have compiled my;

|1-Truths to live by



or "What not to do when a bird shits on your head!"

To kick off this article, here are a few obvious ones;

      Never start a conversation with a bloke in a Pack-a-mac (TM)

      Never  accept  a  blow-job  from a girl wearing a dental-appliance
      (those tiny elastic bands can be a killer!)

      Never go on a date with a woman with a pelt, and/or fangs!



...and on to the proverbs which should be taken to heart...

      If  a  job`s  worth doing, its worth paying someone else to do the
      bloody thing!

      There`s many a true word spoken in Best (The Women`s magazine).

      Little things come in small packages.

      Beware of geeks baring themselves in lifts.

...not forgetting gospel truths...

      If  you  cast  your  bread  upon  the  waters,  it  will  return a
      thousand-fold, but it will be FUCKING SOGGY!

      Caine  killed Abel, and was ostracised from the garden of Eden (ie
      thrown  out, for you morons out there!) for his sins.  He went out
      into  the  wilderness,  where  he found himself a wife.  HOW?  The
      only  people  on Earth, were Him, his father (Adam) and his mother
      (Eve),  so  how  did  he  find  a  wife?  Or is God not telling us
      something?  Methinks the truth is lacking here, somewhat!



...and, finally, philosophical truths...

      The  greatest  wisdom  a  man  can  have, is to know that he knows
      nothing!

      ...eh?   So  that means if he knows that he knows nothing, then he
      is  dead  wise,  but if he knows this, then he no longer considers
      himself  to  know  nothing, so he is no longer wise, so he is, but
      then he isn`t again...

      ...AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Try to figure that bastard out then!

May you recognise the truth when you find it...

Aladdin Sane
(1974 - 199?)