|2-Glastonbury |1-Festival of contemporary performing arts Held on June 23-25 1995 By Mike / Quantum Incorporated Note: This Glastonbury review will not mention the toilets ONCE. (apart from just then). During the midsummer weekend, over 150,000 people made it to a 600 acre organic farm in Pilton, Somerset. Glastonbury festival. The 25th anniversary of what has to be the most popular and well-known festival in Europe took place between June 23 - 25 and what an amazing atmosphere. 80,000 people had bought tickets at £65 a shot, leaving obviously the people who wouldn't pay, the people who couldn't pay, and the people who weren't quick enough to get their tickets before they sold out gaining entry by other means. Breaking down the 15 foot high "secure" perimeter fence or just climbing over it, people certainly got in if they wanted to. But me, being me, I paid sixty-five bleeding quid of my hard-earned cash to get in. Plus £2 booking fee. Yes. Not taking any risks; I bought it from the Glasto ticket hotline, not some dodgy tout. But anyway, arriving there on Thursday 22nd June after about a 4 or 5 (maybe even 6) hour car journey from Manchester, including a nice 2 hour traffic jam just after Glastonbury town, we unpacked our belongings, set up our tent, and wandered around the converted farm to savour the sights, the sounds and that wonderful atmosphere which ensures that everybody has an excellent, no, ABSOLUTELY excellent time. So, for the first evening, all I did was just wander about with my fellow Glastonbury passengers, and we actually managed to meet some other people we knew, went back to our tent and made toast around the campfire. There's something hypnotic and relaxing about a small campfire. God knows what it is, but it certainly made me sink into the atmosphere. Anyway, that was just Thursday, and the music didn't start until Friday...... So, Friday morning, 11am, we stagger to the main stage to watch SENSER. I'm a fan of Senser, and to tell you the truth, I was a little disappointed with the gig, but that was probably because I was quite far back. Heitham Al Sayed (vocalist) certainly had a good rapport with the audience though, and coming out with what had to be the "Quote of the weekend", which was "There's no such thing as good or evil; just varying degrees of CUNT!". So, after that, we waddled over to the NME stage to check out some bands that I hadn't heard to much of. ASH were the first ones we saw. They were pretty average, but they were obviously nervous; the lead singer seemed to look a bit pale, and he was shaking a bit. But the crowd livened up when "Kung-fu" came on. Following Ash on the same stage were REEF. Now, In my opinion, reef were one of the best bands there (and that's got nothing to do with the fact that in some people's opinion, the lead singer looks like me). Plenty of action in the moshpit especially when they played "Naked" (The song from the sony minidisc advert). However, there have to be some over-rated hyped-up-to-the-testicles band that everybody seems to like, when in fact they're a bunch of less than average quality musicians. One of these bands were SUPERGRASSS. Standing in front of me at that particular gig was a Mr Mark Lamarr. If I'd seen any of the Glastonbury TV special he'd presented at that point, I would have done something nasty to him, like, maybe tie his shoelaces together. Or something like that. Hmm... I stayed for the first two or three songs, then buggered off. Better things to do than looking at the hairy yeti monsters from hell, such as.... er... So, after much wandering about the market places and looking at the stalls selling those absolutely-stupid-who-the-hell-would-wear-one felt hats, I made my way to the NME stage at around 10pm to see... THE PRODIGY. After a long delay.... came another long delay.... I was getting quite impatient just standing there. When, after a huge, almost eternal build-up, Keith came on the stage INSIDE a large inflatable ball, and the crowd erupted into one huge pulsating mass as Liam Howlett pounded the keys to create what is DEFINITELY the best dance music in the entire world. It must be good; I'm not a raver and I LIKED IT! I tell you something, I was glad when they played some of the slower stuff like "weather experience" and "poison", so I could take a rest! Absolutely pant-wettingly EXCELLENT. Although I'm not a big fan of OASIS, I think that the person that put them on the same time as the prodigy should be shot through the head several times. Unless it was the festival organiser, Michael Eavis. He should be worshipped. If he was shot through the head, the world would lose a cool fest, and one of the best beards ever formed. Yes. Michael Eavis' beard. What a masterpiece. 11/10. The beauty about Glastonbury is there is much more than the music. There's a cabaret tent (more about that later), circus tent, green fields (which are the aread of Glasto set aside for the more mellow of us to get to know nature (!), market stalls, there are even two cinemas. The hardest thing about Glastonbury is trying to get to sleep. When it's 4am, you're slightly drunk, and the ground is harder than a very bumpy ironing board, the last thing your body wants to do is settle down for a few hours kip. Saturday started off with the usual Glasto breakfast of pot-noodle butties, and after the "washing up", it was time to crawl to the NME stage to watch LIVE. They were nice and loud, though the crowd seemed quiet until "I alone" was played. As WEEZER took the stage, there seemed to be something wrong. The lead singer seemed a bit quiet, but they played a "Storming set" (CLICHE ALERT! WOOOWOOOWOOOWOOO!!!! MAN THE EXITS, DON'T LET THE CLICHE ESCAPE!! ARRRGGHH!!! ). But next. Yes. Sharing the prize for the top bands of G95 with the Prodigy were OFFSPRING. Their whole set was beautifully crafted pogo-ing moshing songs and the band's rapport with the crowd was superb. When Dexter (vocalist) complained after about the third song that no-one from the crowd had got up on stage, and asked somebody to do so and spank his "Big fat yankee ass", the crowd went wild. SUPERB. Now onto the subject of THE STONE ROSES. Yes, many people bought their glasto tickets just because the roses were playing there. And weeks before the fest, they pulled out. Good thing I'm not a fan of them (I actually think they're a complete pain in the arse, but that's not really relevant here). Anyway, replacing them were PULP, who I do like, so I was quite pleased about that. I don't know what it was about pulp, but the atmosphere in my area of the crowd wasn't too hot. Some stupid fat bastard threatened someone I knew, because he'd made the fatal mistake of... leaning against a fence that his girlfriend was sat on. So he said something like "Go near her again and you'll regret it". What a fucking lousy, stupid, ignorant, arrogant fat bastard. And there was some guy a few metres away who, at every available opportunity started shouting things loudly about the stone roses. What a cunt. But at least the music was good. So, Sunday morning I decided that I wasn't too bothered about seeing too many bands, so I traipsed over to the cabaret tent and saw some excellent stand-up comedy. The best comedians I saw were Andy Robinson (Like a heterosexual Julian clary without the subtlety), Ed Byrne (The winner of Glasto 94's comedy award) and Ian Cognito (A rather angry, angst-filled bloke). The only bands I saw the whole set of on Sunday were VERUCA SALT and STRANGELOVE. Veruca salt played excellently, and during one of their songs, they were so overwhelmed by the crowd that one of the vocalists forgot the lyrics to the song. The finish was something else. The two women who were the vocalists & guitarists staggered about the stage, crawling over each other while letting their guitars scream with feedback, and finished the set in a bit of a compromising position. Strangelove were clearly appreciative of the crowd with the vocalist saying "Thankyou, yeah, thanks, thanks a lot" all the time between the songs, and they were something different. Anyway, I'll be seeing more of them as they're supporting Radiohead on their next tour. Later on, Elastica were slightly disappointing. There seemed to be something lacking; I just wasn't concentrating on the stage, so I left after about the fourth song. I missed the streaker on stage anyway. So, whilst wandering about the site on Sunday night/Monday morning until 4am, I felt relaxed, happy, with nothing bothering me at all. It's amazing what an event like this can do. I want to be back there now. Hovering through the many fields, just looking around. Glastonbury, you are truly the king of the fests. I love you.