Right!  Last issue you may have read that sacrelige entitled;

"Jocky`s Jape-o-rama!"

It  seems  someone thinks that they`re funnier than me, THE BUGGER!  So,
just to put things straight, I DO THE JOKES IN THIS DISK-ZINE (Ooh, what
a  lovely  word,  Disk-zine,  doesn`t  it  just  make  you want to cover
yourself in caramel and run through a field of exceedingly sweet-toothed
cows!  DISK-ZINE!!!) AND I DON`T WANT ANYONE ELSE TRYING TO MUSCLE-IN ON
MY PATCH!

So, without further ado, I am proud to present;

|2-ME!







|1-in




|2-Aladdin Sane`s







|1-Jocularathon `95





How do you make a Venetian Blind?

Poke his eyes out!  (The oldies are STILL the best!)



Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked out his logs with a pencil!



A  man  is in a bar, when he sees an old man in one corner, sitting next
to  the  largest,  most  beautiful-looking peach he has ever seen in his
life.  He walks up to the old man, introduces himself and says;

"That is the most gorgeous peach I have seen in my life, I love peaches,
would you mind if I had a taste?"

The  old  man  says he doesn`t mind and so the man cuts a slice from the
peach, tastes it and says;

"WOW!  Orange, it tastes like orange!  And its really nice too!"

"Yeah, turn it round a bit!", says the old man

So the man turns the peach around, tastes another slice and says;

"Ooh!  Apple, I love this apple!"

"Yeah, turn it round a bit!"

"Banana!  Oh, god its gorgeous!"

"Turn it round a bit!", repeats the old man

"Cor!  Water Melon!  `Ere, can you make these taste of anything?"

"Yeah, Of course, anything you like.  Would you like me to make you one?
What do you want it to taste of?"

The young man thinks a while and says;

"Could you make it taste of a woman`s, you know, a woman`s pussy?"

"Be  here  it  two  weeks and I`ll have one ready for you", says the old
man, and promptly leaves.

The young man is so excited that he cannot wait to receive his peach, he
arrives  at  the  pub  early, and it seems like an age until the old man
arrives, carrying a peach even larger than the previous one.

"There`s your peach, taste it if you like!"

The young man has a taste, and;

"Oh SHIT!", says the young man, clearly disgusted.

"Yeah!  Turn it round a bit!"



How  many Humberside University graduates does it take to change a light
bulb?

Two:   One  to hold the bulb, and the other to lift him up and twist him
around!



How many Oxford graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

One:   He  just holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around
HIM!



Two sausages in a frying pan:  The first one says;

"Do you know what time it is?"

and the other one says;

"BUGGER ME!  A talking sausage!"



What`s orange and like a parrot?

A Carrot!



What`s not red?

NO Tomatoes!



See!   Now  I  told  you that I was the Japester around this neck of the
forest.   So  anyone  else who tries to take over my turf is gonna be in
for a BIG surprise Sonny-Jim!

I  can`t  believe  I  just managed to demean myself so thoroughly with a
load  of  the  crappiest  jokes in Christendom!  Until you summon up the
courage to read one of my other articles...

Aladdin Sane
(1974 - 199?)