TITLE: EARLY RETIREMENT
TYPED: ZIPPO/INDEPENDENT


Due  to  the  current situation the managment has decided to implement a
scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement.  This scheme will
be know as RAPE (Retire Aged Pension Early).

Persons  selected  to be raped can apply to the managment to be eligible
for  the  SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Retirement).  Pesons who have
been  RAPED  and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme
For  Early  Retired  Workers).  A person may only be RAPED once, SHAFTED
twice, and SCREWED as many times as the managment deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income For
Dependents  or  Spouse),or  HERPES  (Half Earnings For Retired Personell
Early  Severance).   Obviousley persons who have AIDS OR HERPES will not
be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the management.

Persons staying on with the company will have to undertake SHIT (Special
High  Intensity  Traning).   Management  has always prided itself on the
amount of SHIT it gives its staff.

Should  you  feel  that  you  require  more SHIT, Please bring it to the
attention of your manager.  He has been trained to give you as much SHIT
as possible.

END