$ff3|1-More Jokes



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A  priest,  a  minister and a rabbi all died at the same time and met at
the  Pearly  Gates.  St.  Peter stood before the locked gates and looked
upon  them  sternly.   "I  have  been  reviewing your lives," St.  Peter
began,  "You've  all  done  a  remarkable  job  leading exemplary lives.
However,  before  I can allow any of you to enter the Kingdom of Heaven,
you  each  must answer one ques- tion." Peter turned towards the priest,
"Father,  when  does  life  begin?"  The priest proudly replied, "At the
moment  of  conception!"  Consulting  his answer sheet, St.  Peter said,
"You've answered according to your faith.  You may now enter the Kingdom
of  Heaven."  As  the  priest  disappeared through the Pearly Gates, St.
Peter  turned  to  the  minister.  "When does life begin?" The minister,
without  hesitation  proclaimed, "When the head leaves the birth canal!"
Peter  once again checked his list, saying, "You've answered accord- ing
to  your  faith.   You  may  now  enter  the  Kingdom of Heaven." As the
minister  disappeared through the Pearly Gates, St.  Peter turned to the
rabbi.   "So, Rabbi, when does life begin?" The rabbi thought carefully,
stroked  his  beard,  and replied, "When the dog dies and the kids leave
home."

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Two  tourists,  a  Pole  and  Czechoslovakian, were visiting Yellowstone
National  Park.   Their  first night, two huge bears wandered into their
campsite  and  ate  the  two hapless tourists.  The park rangers set out
immediately  to  find  these  killer  bears.  Finally, they cornered two
bears,  a  male  and  a  female,  which  they  thought  might  have been
responsible.   "What  do  you think we ought to do with them?" asked the
first  ranger.   "Well,"  the second ranger replied, "I figure we should
cut the bears open.  If we find the people inside, we know we've got our
killer bears." Whereupon, the first ranger began to cut the female bear,
and sure enough he found the remains of the Pole.  "Any luck?" he called
out to his partner.  "Yep," said the other.  "The Czech is in the male."

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Q: What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

A: You get your house back, your car back, your woman back, and you get 
   your whole damn life back.

                       --------------------------

Two newfies were off on their annual trip to the Canadian Rockies to bag
a  moose.   As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot
said,  "I'll  be  back  in one week to pick you up.  But only one moose,
please." A week later, when he returned to the lake, the pilot found the
hunters  proudly  standing  beside two moose.  "I told you guys only one
moose!"  the furious flier screamed.  "There's no way the plane can take
off  with  that  much weight!" "You're just a chicken," one hunter said.
"We  killed  two  moose  last  year and that pilot wasn't afraid to take
off,"  said the other newfie.  Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, the
pilot  reconsidered.   "Alright, if you did it last year, I guess we can
try  it."  So  they loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the
lake  to  begin  his take-off.  The plane bounced across the water as it
strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of
space and crashed into the trees.  Some time later, the newfies regained
consciousness.   "Where are we?" one asked.  His friend looked around at
the  scattered  debris,  then back at the edge of the lake, and replied,
"Oh, I guess about a hundred yards further than last year."

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