@t6,08

@^@t1@f05@cANOTHER CHANCE...





@f03@t5@cby RokDaZone/SD-Team

@f00@t425.10.92


@taSteve was  standing  in the rain  of a
grey  autumn evening  just outside his
house, reconsidering the last minutes.

@t4It has been  a normal  day in a normal
life.  Getting up  very early  in  the
morning,  some toasts,  one egg  and a
cup of coffee for breakfast,  a sleepy
kiss from  his wife.  The tube,  over-
crowded.  Smells of sweat,  aftershave
@^










@t4and cheap sweet eau de toilet.Standing
there with the daily paper in one hand
while trying to keep balance by cling-
ing to one of those cold metal struts.
@t7Waiting. Working. Worrying.
@t4In the evening TV and sometimes  - too
often - arguments with  his wife about
nothing. Then a sudden idea: Why don`t
you stand up?  Get up  and  go  out of
that door,  step down the stairs, open
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@t6,08
@^

the housedoor and get out.  Out into a
new world; another chance.
With eighteen,  he only needed  cigar-
ettes,  some fish  and chips  and  ten
pounds to make it through the new day.
Should not be the probleme...
@t7DAMNED, I am not too old!

@taStill, he stood  there outside  in the
cold.  Suddenly with a rough twitch of
his  cold hand,  he turned  around and
with long fast steps  he flew into the
lonely night.

After ten minutes of stoic walking, he
arrived  at the  first  etappe  of his
quest:  Harry`s supermarket.  The word
supermarket here was  quite ironically
exaggeration,  because the  small shop
@^

was nothing more  than a kiosk,  Steve
nearly knew  as good as his own home -
no, not home anymore -  because of all
these uncounted times, he went into it
to  order the  Daily Mirror,  being on
his daily morning way to the tube.
Friendly,  but astounded, Harry looked
at his late guest,realizing the bitter
grin on  his face,  showing  too  much
wrinkles for Steves real age...
"Good Evenin`, Mr.Miller. It`s a lousy
weather for a walk, isn`t it?"  Steve,
without  having  recognised  what  has
been said,  glanced at the small board
with the  tabacco-articles  behind the
counter.  After  about  20 seconds  he
finally realised the bewildered  looks
of Harry  and mumbled  something  like
"Benson & Hedges, please."   Harry was
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@t6,08
@^

too astounded  to ask whether his late
guest  wanted to get the silver tab or
the lights  and passed  the first  one
over  to  him,  took  five pounds  and
gave back the exchange to  Steve,  who
fastly  went  out  of the  shop.  @t4This
guy has not ordered  cigarettes  since
more than ten years...

@taSteve hurried down the street  with no
specific direction.  His confused mind
was spinning around; his blood  in his
ears was quitely buzzing.
Later,  he was not able anymore to say
exactly how long  he was walking,  but
it must have been 1 to 1.5 hours.
Suddenly,  his conscience got back and
after some moments of  orientatingless
looks  to all sides,  he knew  were he
@^

had gone to. This was the old harbour,
once  a busy place,  but nowadays dead
like the cementary of San Francisco  -
although  the harbour  was not as half
as large than it.
Only  some  old trailors  lazily layed
in  the  stinking waters  of the small
dirty river. A slight mist was hanging
over the  deserted scenary,  inventing
a depressing mood.
A bit  helpless,  Steve stood  in  the
weak light of an old latern, unknowing
where  to start  the new life,  he had
just begun...   Damned,  when  he  was
younger,  there never  has been such a
question, there was living and nothing
else  -  no matter how deep  he got in
troubles.  @t4He suddenly had to think of
the 21st March 1959,  when he was tiny
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@t6,08
@^

18.  He and  his mates  were out  that
night, boozing as always.  @t7Youngsters!
@t4The grin went to be a smile.  They had
pretty  much  fun fooling  around  and
after spending all  their money,  they
decided  to steal some more booze at a
little shop.Two of them were suppossed
to start a little "handy" argument in-
side of  the shop  and when  the owner
gets aware and tries to stop them, the
others should grab all the booze  they
could. The only probleme was that when
the two started their performance, two
policemen - walking down the street by
chance - went in.  The two  pretenders
suddenly got very quite  and with alot
of excuses left the shop. Well, one of
the others lost his nerves - he nearly
shit his pants being so scared  -  and
@^

dropped one bottle of fine vodka which
with a sound  of an opened vaccuum ex-
ploded  into thousand small glittering
splinters.  The policeman  next to him
looked at him, slowing turned his head
down,  again he looked at him.  Slowly
his hands went towards his weapon...

@ta20 minutes later they found themselves
in the small police-department. Steves
smile decreased  to be a grin.  He had
to  think of  his  parents.  After the
first shock,  they cooked him at small
heat.  Their relationship  never  went
to  be the  same  again.  They did not
throw him out of their house  and they
even  did not  show any  anger towards
him, but there was suspect.  A cutting
knife,  sawing  the  small  ledder  of
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@t6,08
@^

@tatrust  within  man.  They  never said,
@t7"Your father  misses five pounds,  did
you  take it?" @tathis would have make it
easier for him to deal with their mis-
trust.  No, they never showed it,  his
father  just  went  his  head  and his
mother looked at him with sad eyes.
Even  though  they found  most  things
back, they did not  opened  themselves
to him,they looked at themselves as if
saying: @t7" His conscience forced him to
bring it back,  but he did not dare to
excuse himself - what a coward!"

@taSteves grin totally disapeared,because
train of thoughts did not stop at that
point.
@t1`hey steve  we have a long journey let
us see your shame babe`
@^

@taHe saw his face again,the face of that
fat man  behind the desk - one face of
many - turning Steves` policerecord in
his sweatty hands,telling him that his
company would have liked,  working to-
gether with him, but his previous con-
victions, he got,  because he tried to
escape  the policemen  by pushing  one
and running away, "makes it impossible
for us to employ you." It was the main
reason,why he had to become a ordinary
worker, in spite of his good grades at
school.

A sudden noise made him aware.
He looked up  and saw  two young tough
guys coming towards him.  A huge black
guy and a brutal looking white punk.
When  they saw  him standing  there in
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@t6,08
@^

@tathe lonely light,  they  slowed  down,
stopping their loud conversation.
Steve looked around  -  the guys still
were heading towards him  -  there was
no way to escape for him,  no house he
could  get  into.  He made himself  no
illusions,no matter how fast he would,
run,  this scum would  be faster.  His
breath  got faster  and he  could feel
his heart  pumping heavily.  He begged
that  it would do  the same after this
here, but he did not know.
He realized, he had stumbled back some
steps,  but then he strenghtened  him-
self... They probably wanted his money
and he only had approx. 12 pounds. So,
his life  would be  threatened anyway.
He  stood still now,  @t7like an old man@ta.

@^

The punks slowed down some more. A bit
unashured, they glanced at him then at
each others.  @t7"Erm, Sir, don`t ya feel
good - may we help ya?"
@taSteve was so astounded,  later he even
was not able to tell what has happened
then,he just tried to grin and replied
something:@t7"No,... no, it`s nothing, my
son." @taAfter some more such phrases, he
finally  managed to convince them that
he was alright  and they  stepped into
the dark.

Slowly, he turned around, looking over
the water of the small river.@t1"My son,"
@tahe said. In fact,this young man nearly
could have been his son.  Suddenly, he
compared his  own son  aged 15 to  the
white youngster.  He grabbed  into his
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@t6,08
@^

@tapocket  and took out  the small packet
of cigarettes. He stare at it as if he
did  not  know,  how  it  went  there.
With a sudden movement, he throwed the
packet into the river.
He looked  after it  for some minutes,
although  he was  not able  to see  it
anymore just  after it hit the  waters
surface.  He felt,  how his youth went
down with the packet.Down to somewhere
deep  inside  where no one was able to
see it anymore, except him, because he
knows it was somewhere there.

Lonely,  he walked through the streets
of the city, he has been living in for
all  of his life.  In the middle  of a
small bridge he paused and looked down
at the small river  -  the same as the
@^

one,he had drowned his last chance in.
Suddenly he grinned and loudly said to
himself: @t7"Fuck the lousy money for the
Bensons,I even do not have a lighter."
@taHe layed his head back  and laughed at
the  dark  and at  the sky  above him.
Hysterically first, then more and more
it turned  out to be  a real laughter.
It was too late  to start it all over,
@t1but not to change himself.
@t6>>> RokDaZone <<<
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